Returning gifts and requesting cash

[RubyWho]

Hello,

I can’t tell if AIBU or not and have have mixed views, so I thought I’d put it to the experts.

I bought some gifts - for no specific occasion- for two children in my family. I bought them because I thought they were cute and the kids would like them. I sent them via post and asked the children’s parent to confirm if and when they arrived. The parent confirmed they had arrived but asked me to return said gifts and give them (the parent) the money instead as that would be more useful.

Is this UR? Ungrateful? Or am I just being overly precious?

I would send a message back : "it was an impulse buy because I knew the kids would like them. as they say in the ads "no cash prize alternative" "

Unbelievably rude behaviour. But maybe they see relatives' generosity as undermining them if they have said 'no' to extravagant 'brand' purchases. Discuss this calmly with your relative next time you meet, maybe?

Do not send cash OP. your family member is entitled and rude, do not accept that behaviour. Don't become a doormat. You sound lovely, thoughtful and kind! But be firm.

I dont know how other people were brought up, but I was brought up to say thank you and not question a gift any further.

I would be inclined not to respond at all. Should they follow up I'd just say "I didnt think you were serious, didnt think you'd be that rude"

Please do not ever send money to these ungrateful people. I would tell her to send the gifts back, tell her you can return them no problem. Let her think money will follow but then I'd just never send the kids a gift again. Spend the money on yourself. Yes, the kids may miss out, but they will only have their parents to blame. And if they are wealthy then the parents can afford to buy them stuff. They obviously have no class though and have no value on the time and energy you may have put in to choosing and sending the gifts. I truly wouldn't bother again.

It's rude if them and I wouldn't be buying anymkre gifts for them. How ungrateful

That's bloody terrible of them!

This is disgusting behaviour OP and you sound like a lovely, thoughtful person

The only time i ever requested someone return the present they got my boys was the younger ones from the in laws this christmas. That was because for 7 years we have said when buying clothes to buy next size up as his tall and birthday is april. Yet again she bought his current age which would be out grown within a couple of weeks. Every year we have had this problem and given them to nephew for birthday year later with labels still on so they get used. This year we took them back so now she may remember to check size which we have told her before she went. My boys know even if they do not like a present to smile and say thankyou. A gift is a gift so unless its a valid reason like small parts their likely to choke on its rude.

Yep ask her to send them back and then ignore

Seriously rude!

DSIL and DPIL give our kids money for every birthday (they're under 10) and it drives me crazy. Only the older one really understands money, and even then he doesn't really know what to get with it, so just puts it in his money box. They would all much prefer getting a gift in the post - even if it was something small - as it's much more interesting. So, I really think YANBU in the slightest. I'd be livid. We always make a point of sending our nephews presents not money, even though they're older.

Wow, pretty unbelievable. I'd just say "if they don't like the gifts feel free to donate them or pass them on to somebody else who would appreciate them" and remember not to bother in future!

The parents want to return presents their dc's love because they want cash. That's horrible.

SO rude. And I don’t get how this return is meant to work, are they suggesting they post them back to you so you can return to the shop?
When you say you prompted, what do you mean? Have the kids been given the things but told they can’t take the labels off as they are not going to be allowed to keep them? I can’t quite picture this scenario.

This is one of the most obnoxious things I have heard in a long time. I really would just leave it at 'wow' and give them no more of anything. Was the mother really going to take the gifts away from the children or had she never actually passed them onto them in the first place? I'm sorry OP, what was meant to be a surprise lovely gesture has caused you so much upset, it really shouldn't be this way.

WTF? I would make a donation to a charity and send the link for the next birthday. Grabby fuckers.

Did the parent say thank you at all, or was it literally "can we have cash instead?"

Thanks everyone. I don’t want them to send the gifts back because I just wanted to treat the children, who are lovely, polite, good natured and who deserve something frivolous from time to time. I was in a position to facilitate the...frivolous thing, so, I did. I love them very much and just wanted them to have a nice surprise. (I probably sound overly creepy now but basically they’re good kids who I care about a lot).

No response to my message from CM (Cheeky Mother). Wouldn’t expect one.

Parents did say thanks but more “thanks but no thanks, cash would be more useful to the family budget”.

The kids received the items in the post (addressed to them) so have opened them, and then contacted me to say thanks (via one of their parents obviously). I don’t know if CM has told them they can’t keep them. The idea was they would return them to me (id have to collect said items I think), and then I’d return them either via post or in the shop. I don’t know.

I can't believe how cheeky and rude some people are.
If the children didn't like the presents or the parents didn't want them to have them then they should have thanked you and then at some point passed them on to someone else.
Not start demanding you return them and give the Mum the money!!
I can remember as a kid getting some clothing items from a couple of aunties that were pretty hideous (the clothing items.. not the aunties). My mum made me wear the things a couple of times when I visited the aunties or when they came to us but knew I hated them so didn't make me wear them the rest of the time.
After a short while they were then sent off to a charity which distributed clothes to those in need.

Asking for money is just outrageous.

....aaaand they'd be the last presents ever from me !

I can’t believe the number of people almost excusing this behaviour. It doesn’t matter whether ‘clothes are tricky at that age’ or the toy is too young/old for them or whatever element the recipient finds unacceptable in the gift - it’s a gift. You say ‘thank you for the thought’ and the very furthest you go in indicating there’s any issue is to ask for the receipt so the item can be ‘exchanged for another size’ or ‘something else because it’s a duplicate of something we already have.’ You don’t say ‘nah take them back and send me money.’ Wtf is wrong with people like that?

That’s really weird and rude! Would you be expected to just send them money on random occasions (as the items are an opportunity for some kind/generous frivolous fun ‘just because’)?!

Oh my! so this was a just something they children had mentioned they like, you saw it and bought them it. Not as a birthday present/Easter present any other occasion present but just got it them for getting it them sake?!?!? You were being very kind and thoughtful and lovely.

Tell the parents "that this was a gift for the children of said item, as they had expressed they liked it, i hadnt intended on just gifting them money so if they don't want the gift, please return it and that will be that"

Cheeky mare!