AIBU to think that Quora is endorsing domestic violence?

[FizzAfterSix]

I was reading a thread on Quora about John Lennon and the thorny subject of his alleged domestic violence to both his wives came up.

I just couldn’t believe it when commentators started excusing domestic violence because he `might’ have had bipolar or some unspecified mental illness. And then a commentator wrote:

`I’m not ashamed to say I’d hit a woman with equal force if she hit me. You’re a woman and you should know because you asked for it….its called equality’

Maybe I have too much time on my hands but as a victim of DV myself this really got my goat and I replied:

`Wow. Women are physically weaker than men so if you hit a woman 'with equal force' you'd probably kill her.

You sound like a disgusting wife beater trying to justify male abuse. Pathetic’.

OK, I apologise for using strong words like, um, pathetic, but I was even more shocked to get a poncy email from Quora telling me off.

Hello,
We recently found some of your content that violates Quora's Be Nice, Be Respectful policy (See What is Quora's "Be Nice, Be Respectful" policy?).

Please keep this policy in mind when interacting with other people on Quora. If you continue posting content that violates this policy, you may be banned from using Quora. For more information, see: How do I appeal a Quora Moderation decision?

AIBU unreasonable to be thoroughly pissed off that Quora objected to my pretty mild language responding to a commentator sanctifying domestic abuse? Why is it that I am being accused of not being nice’ and respectful’ when surely they should be going after a man who boasts about not being `ashamed to say I’d hit a woman with equal force…’ etc etc.

It’s horrifying that 50,000 women a year are killed by their partners (according to a UN report in 2018) and extraordinary that mainstream social media sites are just compounding the problem like this.

This is a link to the thread:
www.quora.com/Was-John-Lennon-really-a-jerk/answer/Artie-DeMonte/comment/49823696

When men stop this happening and women do hold more power society will be able to better address the massacre that is reigned upon women and their children daily.

Why would anyon want to wait around for men to fix it?

People didn’t wait around for white people to stop slavery, segregation etc. Or wait around for men to decide to give women the vote.

Unfortunately we still have slavery, we still have racism. It's not gone, or over, its getting worse, its just more subversive.

Trumps doing a great job of rolling back gains made in universities, and so it goes on...and on...hundreds of years...

Well, I'll start by saying that despite being female I could easily hit a man as hard as he could hit me. I'm female, that doesn't mean I am physically weak!

Of course you're not physically weak as a woman.

But could you honestly say as an example an 8-stone woman of 5 foot 6 inches you could hit a 12-stone man of 6 foot and win in a physical fight?!

I can’t agree that slavery and racism are worse now.

Even if they were would you just think we should wait around for white people to do something about it?

Unfortunately we still have slavery, we still have racism. It's not gone, or over, its getting worse, its just more subversive.

Theres been no movement forward? It's all gone back?

Segregation has made a come back? The lack of the vote?

You said that that racism would only move forward if the racists moved it. Totally rewriting history and writing off, all the effort, pain and suffering, as well as the bravery, that activist endured .

You keep making points that done make sense. When challenged, you just ignore it and cant answer it. You just back with another statement, that doesnt make sense. Slavery still exists, nowhere to the scale it was. Let's not ignore that hard work others have put it and their efforts to change their world.

I consider that you are purely setting out to attack anything and everything I say.

I don't agree with you.

You have been continually name-calling and patronising, yet say I'm the one in the wrong. I think its called gaslighting.

I haven't ignored everything you have said at all, and you continually counter with emotive gas-lighting.

The only one name calling is you. I haven't gas lighted you. I haven't called you names and I haven't patronised you.

You said that only only racists can change racism. I gave you 4 examples where that is completely wrong. You returned and ignored it. Becauelse you realised you were wrong.

You have consistently accused me of saying something I haven't. You have told me I am victim blaming, even though it's clear to everyone else I am not?

And you accuse me of gas lighting.

You are attempting to bully me into silence, accusing me of name calling (despite being asked 3 time you cant point out where I have), accusing me of abusive behaviour.

Despite all this you have ended up, agreeing with me. That women are working to end DV and will continue do so.

I'm missing the part where Quora is endorsing domestic violence, which was the focus of your thread?

They have asked that you speak respectfully, not stated your opinion is wrong.

For all you know, the other party got the same message.

Tbf here is still sadly some problem with institutional racism. It's still the case that black people are more likely to get harsher sentences for minor things compare to white people, for example.
But it has been worked on massively since the Lawrence enquiry and it is getting SO much better!

*OftenHangry

Tbf here is still sadly some problem with institutional racism.*

This is so true. Structural racism and white privilege is a real thing.

I have asked you repeatedly to stop twisting my words and trying to claim higher ground. The 'dissscussion' broke down long since, and I pointed out your name-calling and patronising several times, so you are wrong. I do not agree with you.

Again, where did I name call? You didn't point it out, because it didn't happen. You cant show 1 example where I called you names. But I have listed several times you have.

You may have felt my posts were patronising. That's about you. Theres no tone in the written word. You are implying your own tone.

The only person twisting peoples words.....is you.

I dont actually care if you agree or not. Because your posts show you haven't read mine and, when you do, you are twisting what I say and then disagreeing with that. You are disagreeing with something I never said.

Then you went onto agree with what I actually said. So its doesnt really matter.

I'm not going to keep doing this, just read back to where I wrote it clearly. Bye

Dont keep doing it.

Anyone reading the thread can see that what you are claiming isn't true. No one had posted on here since yesterday. But you need to start again. You just needed to try and have one last go, except you still haven't backed up any accusations that you have made.

You make false accusations, that you cant back up. You dont read peoples posts, miss huge sections and throw accusations around.

Its here in black and white. You haven't written anything clearly.

People didn’t wait around for white people to stop slavery, segregation etc

Unfortunately, only white people had the power to do this, and the primary advocates were white abolitionists. I wouldn’t necessarily use this as an argument.

But this is neither here nor there. DV is something that obviously affects women disproportionately and even the figure that affects men is mostly due to male violence.

Women in society have some agency in how they raise their sons and bringing up legislation to take it seriously. But what more can we do? At some point, men are the ones that need take personal responsibility for their actions.

PineapplePower I totally agree.

However we cant ignore the huge efforts and sacrifices that the black community makes every day to make strides.

Men definitely, need to be part of fixing this. Which is why I said society, not just women. We all need to work together to fix this.

The responsible lies with all of those that can. Not just men and not just women. Including people in power, of both genders.