AIBU? Should I take daughter out of nursery?

[LauraJade0308]

Not sure if I’m overreacting, or just being over emotional, please advise!

We took DD out of her previous nursery due to it being extremely unreliable (always closing at short notice, lots of staff sickness, etc)

We found a nursery much closer to home which seemed perfect, good reputation, big chain, lots of good reviews...

DD started last Monday (25thFeb). She is entitled to the 30 hours free government funding per week as we both work. Nursery had told us that the only sessions available equaled to 25 hours per week, which we were fine with, because it was still within her free allowance.
Anyway, she attended Monday all day, didn’t go Tuesday as that was a day they couldn’t do, and went an afternoon Wednesday. When we picked her up Wednesday, we asked how she had been, all was fine, nothing to mention.
When we put her in the car I noticed her eye was slightly red and puffy and had gunk in the corner. Straight away I could tell what it was. Conjunctivitis. Got her home, traveled to 3 different pharmacies to find eye drops.
The next morning I called the nursery to inform them that she wouldn’t be in the rest of the week as she has conjunctivitis (They have a policy that children can’t attend if they have medication that isn’t prescribed by a doctor) The lady who answered said “Oh, yeah we’ve had a few cases of that recently!” And laughed.
Am I right in thinking parents should have been informed of this?
So, on top of already being miffed, I receive an email on Friday from the nursery with an invoice for £85! ... For nursery fees...

I just don’t know what to make of this!
From our perspective, she’s been there a full day and 2 half days, has caught a BAD case of bacterial conjunctivitis, we have spent our whole weekend having to bathe her eyes every 10 minutes, fight her to apply drops and ointment, (not very fun at 41 weeks pregnant) and now they are expecting us to pay £85 per month for her to go there when she isn’t even attending the amount of hours that she is entitled to?!

What do I do?

They cant make you pay for anything if youre only using the free hours. It has not be a non complusory extra ie lunch or music lessons or a trip out.

More likely to happen in a school-attached preschool that isnterm time only and set hours. When it is a private nursery that is not term time and longer hours....

Did you not get/sign a contract when she started? The fees will have to be in there. I'm a childminder and will have a signed contract before the child starts with hours, fee's, holiday entitlement, sickness policy, late fee's, deposit details, etc. If you've signed a contract detailing their fee's they're assuming you've read it and agree. I can't believe a nursery would be running without detailed parental signed contracts tbh.

There have been hundreds of threads about it and that is the most common answer.

And?

I think you’re overreacting as well, but I’m surprised that as this is your second nursery you didn’t ask about fees and ensure you knew exactly what you’d be charged? I also think you’re onto a loser if you get upset about very common illnesses.

Regarding the food thing, there must have been a misunderstanding as you’d previously had her dinners okayed - Make sure you’re very clear what she has and that she needs to eat it next time she goes.

Good luck for the birth of your next one and get DH ago wrestle the toddler!

To cut a long reply short OP, YABU.

I sympathise about the food, my daughter is the same and it's a nightmare!! She's 4 now and still pretty much eats only two/three meals on rotation

Both nurseries we have used have said that per day the max amount of hours of the free entitlement is 6 hours, so for is we have to pay 3 hours a day...it's frustrating as to get the full free hours they'd have to go full time.

The food thing, can't she have a dinner there?

And?... the replies to op are completely out of order.

She can have the nursery food, if I were to pay for it, but why pay an extra £70 per month for her to not eat it? Because I know she won’t. They serve things such as stir fry and fajitas, full of veggies! Also, what did make me laugh is that one of their desserts listed is cake and custard LOL!

The free hours are only 6 hours a day - 9-3. If the nursery is open longer hours and you are attending those then that is the extra hours you are being charged a day
Yes there should be notification on the doors and chances are children are not in with conjunctivitis but have reported these cases.
I'd just have a chat with the manager to reassure yourself

one of their desserts listed is cake and custard LOL!

If this is anything like our school puddings, it will barely resemble cake and custard.

More likely to happen in a school-attached preschool that isnterm time only and set hours. When it is a private nursery that is not term time and longer hours

Doesnt matter what kind of nursery its not bloody allowed

For instance our nursery will do 3 x 10 hour days. So I'll get 3 days x £0 and 2 x £45 and in school hols itll be full time paid.

On the three funded days they charge for food which is allowed bit its optional ie i can send lunch and pay £0.

What they cant do is explicitly say youre getting 30 hours but you need to top up our governmeny funding by £2 an hour.

As for what a pp said yes we all know what theyre doing but it very much matters legally what theyre dressing it up as.

As you aren't aware of the fees I would double check your contract regarding leaving. Some nurseries have notice period. Ours for example is a month and whether the child is there or not you have to pay it

Also - when was she 3? AFAIK the funding is available for the term after a 3rd birthday - so for example a child with a birthday in feb won't be eligible for the funding until Easter term.(happy to be corrected if this has changed)
Nursery will take them to get them settled etc before that time but you have to pay until the funding is applied for

Our primary has cake and custard. I questioned it too as it contradicts their HE policy. Apparently it's sugar free. Why?? Why bother? If you don't want to encourage bad habits, don't start them, school!
My veg dodger did tuck into nursery food to my huge surprise. Won't eat it willingly at home. He's 8... still a battle.
It's a tough one. Maybe let her settle and address food later on.

She was 3 in August, so we were in time for the funding luckily

I think you’ve had a hard time on this thread OP! I totally get you on the food issuss, my dd is very similar and I was very worried about what on earth to put in her packed lunch when she started nursery. They have ‘guidelines’ about healthy food but luckily they’re fairly flexible. I think your nursery is harsh and it’s not right to let a child go hungry all day. My dd wouldn’t eat sandwiches at all before she started nursery but then I got her to start eating toast at home (massive breakthrough) - I cut it into nice shapes etc. Once she ate bread I managed to get her taking a sandwich but with a very small amount of cheese spread in. She won’t have any other filling but hey ho, at least she can take a sandwich in! Also maybe try breadsticks / dairylea dunkers / crackers? My dd’s nursery allowed mini chedders. Will she eat rice cakes? Those little pots of puréed fruit / fruit pouches? I have to use those, no normal fruit will get eaten! They’re being OTT and not very understanding of a child with food issues. They shouldn’t be pushing low fat for very young children, that’s ridiculous! Some toddlers are on the low end of the weight charts and the HV’s advise full fat milk, yogurts, plenty of fat and dairy etc! Yeo Valley do nice yogurts for kids that they may approve of as they’re organic!

Honestly I would go in for a chat but if they can’t be helpful with the food issues then you may have to try somewhere else. As a fellow mum of a very fussy eater I understand!

Our GP said it was fine to send our daughter to nursery with conjunctivitis, refused to prescribe anything, and the pharmacy wouldn't give us anything either. Not everyone can miss work over minor illnesses

Schools and nursery's don't tell parents of some of the kids have chickenpox, conjunctivitis etc. There is always something going round they would be writing letters every week.

My DD and DNiece are the same age. My DD was always a hungry child who cleared her plate every time. DNiece was a very picky eater and apart from crisps and other crap would only eat 3 items of actual food until she was 10 or 11.

They are both now adults. DD is 5ft 7 and a size 10. DNiece is 5ft 4 and a size 10. Both are healthy, happy, well-educated and living productive lives. DNiece did have quite a few rotten milk teeth, which I put down to diet (rightly or wrongly). Her adult teeth are fine.

The moral of the story is that picky eaters tend to survive and be fine as adults.

OP, I hope you find a compromise with the nursery that works for your DD. Before I had children I would have been part of the “let them eat hummus” brigade. But I know it just doesn’t work for every child.

Thank god for beans, sausages and (not very naice) processed meat. Only things that kept DNiece alive for a number of years.

You need to stop telling everyone that she won't eat vegetables. Lots of children won't eat x for their parents, but will eat them for other people. Only when their parents are not around.

She is telling you that vegetables are not her favourite. Because you are her parent, she can manipulate you so she only gets her favourites- so no veg. But you are translating this into 'she is not allowed vegetables' - a very dangerous thing to do.

You need to stop telling everyone that she won't eat vegetables. Lots of children won't eat x for their parents, but will eat them for other people. Only when their parents are not around.

She is telling you that vegetables are not her favourite. Because you are her parent, she can manipulate you so she only gets her favourites- so no veg. But you are translating this into 'she is not allowed vegetables' - a very dangerous thing to do.

More massive cluelessness. Seriously, are you people really this insular and self-centred that you can’t see your experience isn’t universal?

Labelling kids with serious food issues as ‘manipulative’ is just so lacking in empathy, as well as any evidence of conscious thought at all.

You do realise £85 a month for childcare is an absolutely tiny amount. I paid that a week for two days in day care.

I worked in the accounts department at a nursery. The funding only covers hours, it doesn’t include extras such as meals, snacks, nappies etc. You could speak to them and ask why you have been billed for meals for that week when you informed them she wouldn’t be in, see where you get? Usually on the day would be charged as they had already catered for.

We had a nightmare with our DS because if he caught a cold his eyes would flare, it was not conjunctivitis but he wasn’t allowed in anyway

You do realise £85 a month for childcare is an absolutely tiny amount. I paid that a week for two days in day care

I pay £90 for two days but, £85 is a big bill if you're not expecting to pay anything!

They probably didn't day low fat yogurt, but our healthy eating policy in playschool advises to avoid sugary yogurts like munch Bunches as they are seriously high in sugar.