AIBU? Should I take daughter out of nursery?

[LauraJade0308]

Not sure if I’m overreacting, or just being over emotional, please advise!

We took DD out of her previous nursery due to it being extremely unreliable (always closing at short notice, lots of staff sickness, etc)

We found a nursery much closer to home which seemed perfect, good reputation, big chain, lots of good reviews...

DD started last Monday (25thFeb). She is entitled to the 30 hours free government funding per week as we both work. Nursery had told us that the only sessions available equaled to 25 hours per week, which we were fine with, because it was still within her free allowance.
Anyway, she attended Monday all day, didn’t go Tuesday as that was a day they couldn’t do, and went an afternoon Wednesday. When we picked her up Wednesday, we asked how she had been, all was fine, nothing to mention.
When we put her in the car I noticed her eye was slightly red and puffy and had gunk in the corner. Straight away I could tell what it was. Conjunctivitis. Got her home, traveled to 3 different pharmacies to find eye drops.
The next morning I called the nursery to inform them that she wouldn’t be in the rest of the week as she has conjunctivitis (They have a policy that children can’t attend if they have medication that isn’t prescribed by a doctor) The lady who answered said “Oh, yeah we’ve had a few cases of that recently!” And laughed.
Am I right in thinking parents should have been informed of this?
So, on top of already being miffed, I receive an email on Friday from the nursery with an invoice for £85! ... For nursery fees...

I just don’t know what to make of this!
From our perspective, she’s been there a full day and 2 half days, has caught a BAD case of bacterial conjunctivitis, we have spent our whole weekend having to bathe her eyes every 10 minutes, fight her to apply drops and ointment, (not very fun at 41 weeks pregnant) and now they are expecting us to pay £85 per month for her to go there when she isn’t even attending the amount of hours that she is entitled to?!

What do I do?

Actually unfortunate a white bread cheese sandwich is barely healthier than a sausage roll!

Also, I mean this in the best possible way (totally understand difficulties with eating) but maybe a nursery who are strict on what she can eat is a positive thing for her at this stage? She’s still really young and maybe seeing her peers eating fruit and veg will help?

Any why the outrage about her lunch? Tons of toddlers are unfortunately very fussy and refuse all fruit and veg. She still has to eat, so OP needs to send food she will eat, even if it doesn't meet with the food police's approval

I cannot stress enough how much of a fussy eater she is. She will not eat any kind of bread, pasta, fruit, vegetables... nothing staple kind. Just picky foods. We have been to dieticians, they have said to give her what she will eat if it means she will get something. I explained this to the nursery and even then they didn’t mention their policy. I’m not complaining about the policy but surely there has to be exceptions?

Think you jumped the shark with the crisps and sausage roll

I wouldn't be happy that she had no food for 10 hours, I'd complain about that. But no crisps would not be allowed at any nursery or school Ive had contact with. A sausage roll in place of a sandwich, I think is fine. They shouldn't be on low fat at that age. You should question this.
If she was there for a whole day of won't all be covered in the funded hours . The nursery will have a morning and afternoon funded session, and you pay for the bit in between.

Crisps and sausage roll? The nursery surely should have given you info on healthy meals, did you not get an info pack, check out the website? Conjuntivitis....one of those things. They all get it, just like chickenpox, colds, coughs and headlice, oh and water warts :-)

I was banking on her going to nursery to help her eating habits too. I thought if she saw other children eating, then she would too... She started nursery in September and still nothing

It wouldn't bother me. Otherwise nursery would constantly be informing parents about bouts of illnesses, causing unnecessary worry for some that never get infected. If I knew some kids had diarrhoea, I wouldn't then keep my son off nursery, you've just got to risk it, so no benefit to me being informed.

Actually, I’d be pretty unhappy with a nursery that was pushing ‘low fat’ to active preschoolers.

OP, I’m confused how this didn’t come up in conversation with them - surely you discussed your daughter’s issues before she started, and discussed what you’d be sending with her after talking through what they offer?

And no, crisps aren’t a normal part of a child’s lunch. As I say, I have huge sympathy as I have a child who was near to phobic around most foods for a long time. But it was all the more important to make every calorie count, nutritionally. Crisps provide zero value and are a terrible habit. I’ve never been in another country where people see crisps as a normal part of lunch, rather than a treat/snack.

You're being unreasonable about the conjunctivitis. It's part of being a child, I'm afraid. If they sent them all home, the world would creak to a halt!
're the lunch- if my child were fussy enough to need a sausage roll and crisps, I'd have spoken to them I think, about the vit drops etc. In most schools, that lunch would be an issue without prior conversation. It's not within any nutritional guidelines.

The free bits are term time only. And averaged out. And for care not extras. They really ought to have given you a breakdown prior.

But, no, I wouldn't pull her out. They've done nothing wrong apart from that.

My son got conjunctivitis within a few weeks of starting nursery. I think it's quite normal. Bit like freshers' flu. 🙈

So she is attending for 3 days? I think you need to clarify with the nursery what hours they will be billing for as if she is there every week, her 22 hours will need topping up. They will still bill you if she is ill as they have saved that space for her.

Yes take her out
I'm sure the nursery will be glad to see the back of you
You sound like very hard work

Sorry, OP, x-post on your convo with them. Very strange they didn’t mention it. I would seek a meeting with them to try to unpick these issues.

*The 30 hours is not for 52 weeks of the year but only school term times. It works out as approx 22 hours a week stretched over the whole year. You usually also have to pay for snacks and meals aswell so this would probably work out as about £85 a month. They should have explained that to you tho - did you get a contract or information pack when you started.
*Conjunctivitis. Parents bring children in with all kinds of illnesses, usually masked with calpol and the like and by the time the nursery finds ou, it is too late to stop it spreading. It's just one of those things. We only notify parents of things like this when it is highly contagious or lots of cases
*lunch. Again did you have information about their hearhly eating policy? I would be tempted to give the nursery meals a go and just take the packedlunch as a bavkup. We do this for several children and have good results in children growing much less fussy as they like to be like their friends

I would go in and have a chat with the manager if you aren't happy - she will be more help than a stranger on mumsnet

When we went for the show round, I explained that she was a fussy eater and told them what she did and didn’t like. The person showing us around even said to us that it ‘probably would be worth sending her a packed lunch’. I told them she didn’t eat sandwiches so it would most likely be some kind of alternative such as sausage roll or mini pizza, they said it would be ‘absolutely fine’ and they had a chef who would prepare it. If they would have said there and then that we aren’t allowed to give her that then I would have just walked out

The lunch may have been a misunderstanding (perhaps a communication error if you explained clearly when she started that this is all she will eat. It maybe senior staff know but perhaps not the staff in her room).

A lot of nurseries charge a top up fee if you are taking the funded 30hours (ours is 1.20 per hour to cover nappies,snacks,food,trips which aren't covered by the funding). This should be in the terms and conditions you were given so might be worth digging out and checking.

In my experience, if nurseries had to put a sign up every time a child had conjunctivitis they would have a sign up all the time. I get it's not nice but it's pretty much inevitable with small kids.

Conjunctivitis does not need treatment other than washing with warm water and drying unless it bacterial in which case a dr will prescribe antibiotics.

All children should have vitamins until they are 5 and although they help they don’t replace everything that fruit and veg give.

It’s odd that you didn’t ask about the nursery fees - surely unless it was a school nursery doing school nursery hours then you would ask! The nursery should have discussed their fees with you. Funded hours are for 15 or 30 hours a week for 38 weeka a year.

If you are hoping nursery will help with the fussy eating then she needs to be eating/offered nursery food along side the other children.

Nurseries are constantly full of illness, you’d get a phone call every day if you they told you every time a child was ill! Conjunctivitis isn’t that serious- my daughter caught it from nursery and went in with it as well.

Instead of keeping her off the rest of the week why not just take her to the doctor and get her prescribed eye drops?

I wouldn't be too concerned about the conjunctivitis. As PP have said guidelines have changed and if you want her to go to nursery you'll have to accept that.
Yabu about the food! They can't be seen to let her eat stuff like that and be expected to only allow healthy foods for the other children. You will have to find healthier options to send in or you will have to see if she starts eating there. She may well do!
Overall it does sound like nursery may just not be right for you and her. Have you explored a nanny or CM.

Viral pink eye is normal, common and freqent in children. Yabu OP and a little OTT.

It sounds like the combo of the sausage roll and the crisps may have been the trigger, and the sausage roll (assuming it was a decent one) would have been acceptable. But together they have triggered someone to say ‘this doesn’t fit our policy’ and applied it to both.

Having one child eating crisps while the others were eating a nutritious lunch wouldn’t be much fun for the staff, I’d imagine.

I’ll be honest with you. The only improvements we gained in my eldest’s eating was when he shared meals with his peers, and backup options were only offered if/when all else had failed.

We went majorly backwards on starting school, and he’s still on packed lunches there. But the great breakthroughs have come at his after school club where it’s clib food or nothing. Apparently he eats curry now....

Also you're worried about a common childhood affliction but not that your daughter only eats sausage rolls and mini pizzas 🙄🙄🙄🙄

What would you do if they told you someone had conjunctivitis? My experience of nursery is that someone always has something so if you are thinking you wouldn't send her she would never be there ! Normally they will put a sign on the door or entrance when something is going around so you can watch out for symptoms.

Private nurseries usually charge more per hour than the free allocated hours. In Scotland I was also told there was a limit to how many free hours you could use each day as well.

If you are 41 weeks pregnant I would say you really don't want to start looking for a new nursery right now ! Everything you have mentioned seems normal and will probably apply elsewhere.

I would speak to the nursery and see if they can accomadte your daughters eating. I have a very fussy eater who wpuld go without so they agreed to give him plain versions of some meals and they actually asked him what he would eat from what they had and got him to help make lunch once or twice.