AIBU? Should I take daughter out of nursery?

[LauraJade0308]

Not sure if I’m overreacting, or just being over emotional, please advise!

We took DD out of her previous nursery due to it being extremely unreliable (always closing at short notice, lots of staff sickness, etc)

We found a nursery much closer to home which seemed perfect, good reputation, big chain, lots of good reviews...

DD started last Monday (25thFeb). She is entitled to the 30 hours free government funding per week as we both work. Nursery had told us that the only sessions available equaled to 25 hours per week, which we were fine with, because it was still within her free allowance.
Anyway, she attended Monday all day, didn’t go Tuesday as that was a day they couldn’t do, and went an afternoon Wednesday. When we picked her up Wednesday, we asked how she had been, all was fine, nothing to mention.
When we put her in the car I noticed her eye was slightly red and puffy and had gunk in the corner. Straight away I could tell what it was. Conjunctivitis. Got her home, traveled to 3 different pharmacies to find eye drops.
The next morning I called the nursery to inform them that she wouldn’t be in the rest of the week as she has conjunctivitis (They have a policy that children can’t attend if they have medication that isn’t prescribed by a doctor) The lady who answered said “Oh, yeah we’ve had a few cases of that recently!” And laughed.
Am I right in thinking parents should have been informed of this?
So, on top of already being miffed, I receive an email on Friday from the nursery with an invoice for £85! ... For nursery fees...

I just don’t know what to make of this!
From our perspective, she’s been there a full day and 2 half days, has caught a BAD case of bacterial conjunctivitis, we have spent our whole weekend having to bathe her eyes every 10 minutes, fight her to apply drops and ointment, (not very fun at 41 weeks pregnant) and now they are expecting us to pay £85 per month for her to go there when she isn’t even attending the amount of hours that she is entitled to?!

What do I do?

Have you tried sending her with healthy stuff? She might eat it when she sees the others eating it. Schools won't allow lunch like that so hopefully she changes before she starts school.

All children should have vitamins until they are 5 and although they help they don’t replace everything that fruit and veg give.

Nice bit of judgment there jacks. No,all children under 5 do not need vitamin drops at all. OP's child does because her diet is restricted. What do you suggest OP does, force fruit and veg down her throat? OP has already explained her dd has seen nutritionists and she is following their advice.

Hmmm
Sorry but conjunctivitis is just one of those unfortunate things they will pick up like worms,nits and all the other nasties.
Free hours are term time only and all nursery's I know charge a care package ours is £18 a day this covers nappies, wipes, food and any trips.
Sausage rolls and crisps are an awful lunch and you cannot expect nursery to give her that, what about all the other kids who will then want crisps?!
If you were hoping she would eat better at nursery at least give her chance to eat the food.

Being harsh on OP about her dd eating. I can relate as my son is a dreadful eater, cannot get him to eat anything remotely healthy. Eating will get better as the grow up I assume so lay off her a bit

If you're sending her all year then the funding is just for term time so most nurseries add up what you owe for the holiday weeks and split it equally for 12 months so you don't have a massive bill one month and nothing another.

Conjunctivitis is very common - if they have the prescription rule then you need to get medicine from your GP if you want her to go to nursery or give her the medicine before and after. You always have to pay - sickness and holidays - yes it's annoying when you've paid and they catch something at nursery and then they can't go and you've got no childcare but you have to take it on the chin.

Lunchbox - are you sure they didn't offer her something else? I have a) the fussiest child in the world b) a very relaxed about food school nursery. I still wouldn't send DS with what you put in. I always sacrifice some fruit/veg - he might not eat it but it's there.

All of these things are fairly standard in most childcare settings so I really don't know what you will achieve by moving her?

Bloody hell. All the angst about crisps. It's a packet of crisps not Agent Orange!!

I will give my son what he will eat, rather that then not eat at all

Why does the NHS say otherwise?

I didn’t say it was the OP’s fault but I would still be offering fruit and veg and no commenting on if it’s eaten or not. If the OP doesn’t offer fruit and veg then the child is never going to be able to eat it.

Also you're worried about a common childhood affliction but not that your daughter only eats sausage rolls and mini pizzas

I don’t think that’s fair. OP has sought professional advice over her child’s diet, and is following it.

It is very easy for those whose children haven’t had intractable eating issues to blame the parents and be superior about their own parenting. However I can tell you parenting a child who would rather starve than touch a food he fears is absolutely soul-destroying. It’s taken us more than six years to get to a halfway decent place on my eldest’s eating. It has been incredibly hard work, and I’ve no doubt I’ve been judged by many people.

DS2 is a bloody dream in comparison. Just normal toddler/preschooler fussiness. Total walk in the park.

I was banking on her going to nursery to help her eating habits too. I thought if she saw other children eating, then she would too... She started nursery in September and still nothing
---because you are sending her in with crisps and sausage rolls. She isn't going to think "Oh, I won't eat these nice crisps mummy has sent in for me, I'll eat cucumber sticks instead" is she?

She won't improve her picky eating if you send in sausage roll and crisps.

And they would have a load of other children asking why they can't have crisps too.

You would be better off letting them feed her. She may be less picky if she sees other children eating the same lunch as her. And she may be willing to eat healthier stuff for them, especially if sausage roll isn't on offer.

I hope crisps are not standard! They are full of fat and salt with no nutritional value what so ever! Why on earth would you allow your kids to eat that crap, One thing I have learned in life is that food I would have said I did’t like suddenly tastes delicious when I’m really Hungry! I would even eat a Brussel sprout if I was hungry enough! Stop pandering and feed them healthy nutritional food! You're the parent here, they are not in charge! I agree with the nursery! If they don’t eat, they go hungry. They are not going to die of starvation!

So when they withheld the sausage roll and crisps, did they just give her a yogurt and cereal bar, or some of their food as well?

What I’m trying to explain is that if I don’t send her what I know she eats, then I will be at home knowing that she’s hungry, and I can’t do that. I have put fruit in her lunchbox, but it just comes home again because she’s refused it. I would love for her to even eat a sandwich! I could fill her lunch box with healthy foods but she will point blank refuse to eat it, it’s like a phobia, and it’s very common in young children. So the options I have are to send her a health freak lunch and have her go hungry, or send her with stuff she likes, have the nursery refuse to give it to her and she goes hungry... There is no win.

I was banking on her going to nursery to help her eating habits too. I thought if she saw other children eating, then she would too

Does she eat any of the nursery meals? Or do you provide breakfast at home, packed lunch for dinner and then collect before tea? If she's not being given the chance to try the same food as her peers, then it won't help her to expand her limited diet.

Sausage rolls and crisps? WON'T eat any fruit or veg? Got to be a wind up.

Not necessarily

But food avoidance threads don't go well as some will not accept that with the best will in the world you cannot force or starve a child into eating something they don't like.

If it has gone as far as needing a referral to a dietitian then the child has a high probability that they are/where underweight. Therefore its important that they eat and are not left to go hungry. If they don't eat during a full nursery day then it would be difficult to get the necessary calorie intake. We are not talking about normal faddiness.

If under a dietician and needing to eat high fat foods could you maybe get a letter for nursery from the dietician ?

One thing I have learned in life is that food I would have said I did’t like suddenly tastes delicious when I’m really Hungry! I would even eat a Brussel sprout if I was hungry enough! Stop pandering and feed them healthy nutritional food! You're the parent here, they are not in charge! I agree with the nursery! If they don’t eat, they go hungry. They are not going to die of starvation!

This is an unhelpful and ignorant post.

There are children who will starve rather than eat foods they fear. It’s proper fear, not fussiness. My child was one of them, but we have spent years on techniques and strategies to help him improve.

If we tried to starve him into submission, he would starve. He is very thin at the best of times, so even a few days of lower than usual calories makes a huge difference to his physique, and leaves him very vulnerable to illness.

I agree that regular crisps aren’t helping when there are other, more nutritious foods the child will eat. As a safe food, they don’t offer much except calories. The sausage roll, assuming it’s a decent and not overly-processed one, is actually not bad and I would have wildly rejoiced if my DS had eaten that as a preschooler.

She ate her yogurt and cereal bar that day, was refused her sausage roll and crisps, she also had some cheddars in there, which they wouldn’t give her because they were cheese flavour, and they didn’t even really want to give her the yogurt I had packed as it was a munch bunch one and not ‘low fat’. What a I supposed to do? Pack a bloody Activia?! They make kids yogurts for kids!!
They could’ve just given her the lunch that day and then informed me when I collected, bit instead had me thinking she was fine there, when really she was hungry

What I’m trying to explain is that if I don’t send her what I know she eats, then I will be at home knowing that she’s hungry, and I can’t do that.

This isn’t about you. Thing is, you have labelled her a fussy eater and if you never put fruit or veg in front of her now, then of course she is guaranteed not to eat it. These things take time and it make take her up to a year at nursery or at home to make changes but the key is consistency and regularly offering it as if it is normal (this is of course assuming she has no sensory issues). You’ve giving in because you are desperate for her to eat and we all get that but offering a very young child such bad food is not helping. 3 year olds have very small stomachs so they don’t have to eat full portions of everything. Grazing is fine for now.

The nursery really isn’t at fault here (bar assuming you would have read up on the 30 hours and know it was term time only and therefore additional fees apply to private nurseries), with the conjunctivitis, her lunchbox or fees.

If you want a nursery where they aren't going to catch things you are going to end up removing her from every single one. Kids need to be exposed to germs to build up immune systems. It is par of the course for parenthood.

OP didn’t ask for advice on her daughter’s diet, she is already receiving help from qualified professionals. Typical MN food hysteria, don’t worry OP, this happens on EVERY thread about children’s packed lunches.

The main problem here is poor communcation between you and the nursery, I think YWBU to take her out without a proper talk to clear things up first.

Conjunctivitis is just one of those things. I wouldn’t worry about it.

Lunch - the nursery are being completely unreasonable here. I’ve worked in preschools and schools for years now and they have all made concessions for very fussy eaters. Working with children requires flexibility and not a ‘one size fits all’ approach. Any adult with half a brain knows a child needs to eat during a day at nursery, even if the meal isn’t ideal by their standards. I would be absolutely fuming if a nursery let my child go hungry like that. I have never worked anywhere that would do that and would not stand for it.

Charges. You need to find out what they’re for. Did they not provide a breakdown on the invoice? It could be an additional fee for extras as funding does not stretch far for nurseries, it could be that her hours have been calculated over a full year rather than term time. But you need a proper answer.

Did you not receive any paperwork at all that explained the fees?

It does sound like the nursery have been a bit crap, but if their care is good and your dd enjoys it then it’s worth having a proper chat.

I don’t understand the replies you’ve got on this thread at all. On what planet has this nursery’s communication been anywhere near good enough?

Genuinely, would you not stand more chance of resolving this satisfactorily if you had this discussion with the nursery instead of randoms online?

Ask to discuss face to face if you're not getting the explanations you need, and if a response does not clarify anything then tell them that. They can't read your mind to know you don't understand or would like more info.

Just seems extreme to withdraw her after a day and a half without attempting some team work first to fix it.

Also you're worried about a common childhood affliction but not that your daughter only eats sausage rolls and mini pizzas

This is a twatty comment. The op has already taken her 3 year old to a dietician.

Ok I have a fussy eater so totally get it. I would ask to have another meeting with the school and go through all the things you've discussed here.

Fwiw ds ate some school dinners once he started as we made him try them. Maybe you could put her name forward for the food at nursery and see how she gets on, review it with them after a week and then they might see your point. They also might find something she will eat there.

It is weird how people don't get believe in picky eaters and think it's just us pareblnts pandering, I have a friend who says things like "in my house if you don't eat what's on the table you don't eat" but what she fails to get is that my DS would just not eat as he's not really fussed about eating anyway and his weight is below the 4th percentile already!!