WIBU?- Roadside shrines

[Arnoldthecat]

This is more of a ..would i be unreasonable....to not want a roadside shrine directly outside my house/garden gate/in close proximity..?

why do people who don't know the dead person leave "tributes"?

You could ask the same of all those who left tat after Diana died - which, as others have said, is when this "conspicuous grief" seemed to begin. I also recall reading that her hearse needed a respray after all the things which were chucked at it

If this must be done at all, I personally loved the idea mentioned upthread where someone planted spring bulbs at the site. A lovely reminder for the bereaved, a pretty display for everyone else and no unsightly, environment-damaging nasties

Sorry, I should qualify that - in saying "a lovely reminder" I didn't mean to suggest the event was in any way lovely, only that the display of natural flowers could look much more attractive than a "cellotaph" (brilliant word )

The shrines on the road near me definitely predate Diana's death. They've been there since the mid 90's, possibly longer. Ive been told that one of the shrines is to a young woman who died when he car skidded off the road in bad snow in around 94/95.

They aren't really intrusive, just a small bunch of flowers tied to lamppost, but one is right in the middle of a dual carriageway and Ive often wondered how whoever places the flowers there does so without being knocked over as its a very busy, fast road?

A helmet does nothing to protect a cyclist in a collision with a car. There has never been an established case of a helmet saving a life in this scenario.

Wow. That is a breathtakingly ridiculous thing to say...

As for roadside tributes, I don't mind so much for a couple of weeks but then it's got to be cleared away. We have a full-on Christmas tree near us, decorated the year round. It doesn't make much sense to me that people choose a dangerous spot of the road were their loved ones died, and leave a distraction to drivers there! I would hate to have one outside my house long term OP so I can see where you're coming from there.

In a recent survey 0 out of dead people said they wanted a reminder of where they ceased

I hate them.

I can kind of understand in the week or so after the death

but every anniversary, birthday, christmas etc a lampost on a road near me is covered in tinsel, balloons, candles, flowers, pictures, football tops, cards, banners etc.

It's dangerous.

A bunch of flowers maybe but it's very OTT

especially for those who were driving dangerously and/or harmed other people in the accident who have to see these flowers etc on a daily basis

Its definitely a class thing

Here is a summary of the evidence on helmet usage in cycling:

www.cyclehelmets.org/1139.html

Cycle helmets are inadequate to counter the forces that a cyclist will experience in a serious collision with a car. (If you think otherwise, you are free to stand in the path of a car going 30mph with an all-over layer of helmet-thickness polystyrene and see how you get on.) Research has produced the finding that cyclists who have consumed alcohol or drugs are more likely to be killed, and coincidentally also more likely to be not wearing a helmet. Nowhere in the world has an increase in helmet usage led to a decrease in head injuries in cycling accidents. The main use of a cycle helmet is in a low-speed fall involving no other vehicle. The principal proven effect of cycle helmets is to discourage and reduce cycling.

I wouldn't want one outside my house. There was one not far from here. It was fine for the first two weeks. Then all the the dead flowers and balloons and candles get blown around. It looks awful, like fly tipping. No-one seems to take away the decay when they add even more stuff. After a few months, residents called the council who removed all of it. OP if it's been a month just call the council and explain to them. Its better that the council do it and not you.

I think Diana's death is when the mawkish grief tourism thing went truly mental.

All those flowers, millions of pounds worth. And no-one had the wit to unwrap them, so it just looked like a giant landfill site.

I was involved in an awful rta 2 years ago. It was caused by someone driving like an idiot. He died at the scene. From the perspective of the 'victim', I would've found flowers at the scene really distressing. Just driving past was/is bad enough.

Clearly I'm thick, but please can you gently explain the difference between the 911 memorial and a memorial to a cyclist?

The 911 Memorial is an actual memorial. The land owners are happy for it to be there. It's in a safe place. Health and Safety regulations are in place. For the same reason graves and war memorials are ok places for flowers to be laid down. Not someone's front lawn or a lamp post!

These "shrines" are very common in my part of SE London. There is one at a local train station that has been there for over 10 years.

Why is the world trade centre memorial different?

Presumably it has been risk assessed and isn't causing people to walk into traffic to get passed it.
Presumably it is well maintained and tidy.
Presumably it doesn't attract groups of gang members who congregate there to drink/avow revenge.
Presumably there are no near neighbours, so you dont have to sit on a homeowner's wall when you visit.

They're very council.

Mawkish.

"Wow. That is a breathtakingly ridiculous thing to say..."

Can you explain why you think so, @FurrySlipperBoots ? Have you had a look at any of the evidence?

I'm another who finds them distasteful. I can't understand why you'd be comfortable remembering a loved one by leaving all of that plastic around to get tatty but never decompose. Why not plant something? Or at least tidy the mess away a week later.

A cemetery near us has been in the local press because the council has asked families of graves to abide by the (very strict) rules. Some families have turned baby's graves in to little gardens of windmills, plastic teddies, solar lights etc. but they encroach on to others' graves and, the council argue, hinder maintenance of the cemetery. I think that's a trickier one.

I live in Ireland and thought you meant a shrine to Mary with a statue because there are loads of them here for hundreds of years.

I especially love the ones with an electric crown of stars. I think many were built in the Marian Year (if Mumsnet existed that year there would have been a LOT of baby name threads asking "What are your thoughts on Marian?")

I actually like them. It serves us all with a reminder of consequences of dangerous driving. There was a road I read about that had markers at every fatality site for a number of miles and they found that the average speed dropped quite significantly. It made (some) people more aware of their driving.

They make me really sad. As a mother who lost a child, I totally understand why they are there. When I drive by the hospital my child died in, I can see the window we looked out of, I have weird feelings about that place, so I can totally understand roadside shrines. It's really complicated, grief. I'd like to think I'd honour that family and it's grief.

So its all about scale,proximity and duration. Trouble is,many of the mega shrines do not conform to all or any of the above. One i know of commemorates the recent death of a young man who crashed on a motorbike. It was an off road scrambler and he and his chums had been racing it up and down a main road for the past few weeks,popping full length wheelies with no regard for the safety of neither pedestrian,child nor motorist. There is a mega shrine,a banner screwed to the wall of someones house and apparently there is to be a vigil and balloon release this weekend.

We planted some bulbs to mark a special place. It was very distressing to find someone had picked the lot when we visited.

I must add that the tatty petrol station flowers and footie shirts and teddies are shit though. A proper marker, such as a maintained flowerbed or planter and maybe a plaque would be far more fitting to honour and remember someone.

The cemetery my mother and Brother are in had a man and cart set up just inside the gates selling plastic ornaments and various tributes along with flowers. After a bit of wind or bad weather there are small piles of these tributes blown about and destroyed it adds so much litter.

There is a shrine on a road not far from me to two brothers killed in a road crash. It is regularly vandalised which is heartbreaking for their family.

Not something I could get worked up about. People putting them up lost a loved one. For me that's more important than if my house doesn't look perfect.