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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why don't men get 1 year paternity leave?

376 replies

Catinthetwat · 02/03/2019 14:41

I was just wondering what people's thoughts were on this?

I think it's hard to defend unequal access to parental leave. This is important for men, women and for children. The only argument against is an economic one. Is that a good enough reason?

The government are currently looking into extending the 2 weeks paternity leave to around 12 weeks I think - which would be a start.

So, men should be given 1 years paternity leave with pay and benefits equal to women - aibu?

OP posts:
Ribbonsonabox · 02/03/2019 15:59

Well I think its would be great if they could... but shared leave so that perhaps they could swap over at 6 months and have six months each
I do think it's very important that women get at least the first six months leave though...
There was no way I couldve worked in the last months of my pregnancy or deist months after birth... because I was so ill... and it's a nightmare trying to eg signed off sick... at least it was where I worked...
So I think it's great if men want to share this leave so that there is always a parent home with the baby for the first year... but I dont think that should take away from acknowledging that women NEED the first months off work enshrined in law to recover physically and establish breastfeeding... of course some mums might not need or want it but we dont want a situation where women are expected to return to work immediately... so I'd be worried about the focus on mens paternity leave perhaps effecting that expectation... I mean we are lucky here, in America theres no maternity leave enshrined in law.. companies can demand you return to2 work the next bloody day!

My husband took a month paternity leave when my children were born and it was amazing and really helpful. It also let him bond. I'm glad that this is becoming more common and people are acknowledging the need for men to spend time with their babies too.

Lazypuppy · 02/03/2019 16:02

I think they should be entitled to 1 year paternity at SMP equivelent.doesn't cost companies any money and means dads can be off whith their child if they want.

A friend of mine gets 6 monyhs full pay from his job paternity. He is off same time as his wife, he has loved it.i think more companies should offer it

Seline · 02/03/2019 16:02

I wish they did. It's unfair women have to do it all alone.

meorhim20 · 02/03/2019 16:03

currently, there is the option to take share out the parental leave. I heard them discuss it in radio 4 and apparently, only 2 percent of men use it. I think it is also a cultural thing - men in the UK are not ready yet to look after the baby whilst mum is going back to work. I have friends in Europe and Scandinavia - much more normal there für dads to take leave.

clairemcnam · 02/03/2019 16:06

Plenty of women only get statutory as well.

Settlersofcatan · 02/03/2019 16:06

Only around a third of babies are breastfed in the UK at 6 months so I don't really get why it's trotted out on here so often as a reason why maternity leave can't be shared.

I also don't know anyone who needed 12 months to recuperate after birth - I'm sure they exist but it's rare.

I shared the leave 6 months/6 months with my DH and I very much recommend it.

3out · 02/03/2019 16:06

But there is the option for the father to share leave already. Do people genuinely not know this? Sounds like it needs advertised better.

SarahAndQuack · 02/03/2019 16:07

YY, meorhim20. I have a friend who had her baby a few months before we had ours, and it was quite rough because her baby was premature and needed some special care. A few months down the line her DH started his shared paternity leave and she went back to work. She told me she was feeling awful and teary and really struggling, but it was important he got to bond.

First day he dumped the baby on his mother in order to go into work for a few hours. Hmm

They ended up putting the baby into nursery before 6 months because he'd realised he didn't like doing fulltime childcare, and she'd already agreed to come back to work and couldn't risk antagonising her boss.

Janecon · 02/03/2019 16:08

I think shared leave is fine. The idea of both parents being off for an extended period of time seems ridiculous to me. It's just not affordable for most businesses and a baby doesn't need both its parents to look after it for an extended period. It's a nice idea but commercial suicide.

SpaceCadet4000 · 02/03/2019 16:09

Shared parental leave needs improving to encourage more equity in childcare.

The current system marks the woman as the primary carer from early days. It's setting up men to (potentially) be less competent or feel less confident doing the childcare as current policies put many families at a financial disadvantage if they elect to have the man at home or share leave.

Obviously, women need adequate time to recover from birth and men can't breastfeed, but workplaces need to become more amenable to men sharing the caring responsibilities.

AssassinatedBeauty · 02/03/2019 16:10

It is not an assumption that men are the higher earner, it is reflecting actuality, especially in second and subsequent pregnancies when it is very common for women to have gone part time.

The current model of shared parental leave represents a reduction in women's leave, in order to facilitate men having leave. I don't think that's the right approach. If we want equality it is not helpful to view the leave available for caring for children as solely the woman's, which has to be given up to enable men to take leave.

HerSymphonyAndSong · 02/03/2019 16:10

My H is a teacher so he has more time off than most parents. The extra weeks he has had off during my maternity leave have been really lovely - we had an amazing summer together. It would be nice if this were an option for more families. However my H more than pulls his weight around the house and other than breastfeeding does not need my help to care for our son so in addition to his company it is a bonus to have him around

AssassinatedBeauty · 02/03/2019 16:12

Statutory maternity/paternity pay is paid for by government, not business? Or is that not the case?

clairemcnam · 02/03/2019 16:13

Most, but not all of it is, unless you are a very small business, when all of it is.

RomanyQueen1 · 02/03/2019 16:13

SpaceCadet

I disagree, the choice should always be the womans and if she doesn't want her partner to share it, then so be it.
Some men would like the time off, but if the woman needs the full year, then that's fair enough.
it's not up to employers to encourage men to take leave. it's up to the couple to decide, moreover the woman who has gone through childbirth.

SoupDragon · 02/03/2019 16:14

If we want equality it is not helpful to view the leave available for caring for children as solely the woman's, which has to be given up to enable men to take leave.

I don't think it is wrong, especially if you view the leave as being allocated to the child and split between parents as it suits. The default should be the mother as she is the one who has been pregnant and given birth (which she needs to recover from!)

cherish123 · 02/03/2019 16:14

Perhaps would be more useful for men to get a year off after their wife has gone back to work. Where parents work for the same employer it is easier to share the p/m leave.

clairemcnam · 02/03/2019 16:16

cherish That would cost a lot of money.

Purpletigers · 02/03/2019 16:17

I don’t think smp should be available for the fathers as well as the mothers . One or the other yes but never both . What a ridiculous suggestion ! Are you seriously saying it takes two parents to look after a newborn . And if it’s best for the newborn to have both parents around all day , what does that say for single parents who have to do it all alone.

bridgetreilly · 02/03/2019 16:19

Shared is fine. But I think it would be EXTREMELY unreasonable to expect taxpayers to fund both parents to have a year off work every time they have a baby.

Lenny1980 · 02/03/2019 16:19

The reasons for promoting shared parental leave are not just about bonding time for the father, or him getting a chance to experience being the primary carer. There is a strong argument to say that a more equal sharing of leave is vital if we are to ever have equality for men and women in the work place. If all new parents take six months off there will no longer be this view that women are unemployable/not promotion material because they have time our for babies, because men will also have time out for babies.

Purpletigers · 02/03/2019 16:19

Cherish - do you live in lalaland ? Two years off work to raise one child . Have a word with yourself !

Purpletigers · 02/03/2019 16:20

Lenny - that will only work if you make it mandatory.

user1471426142 · 02/03/2019 16:20

It’s far better financially for me to be on mat leave. My husband isn’t even taking paternity because it is statutory only and has been saving up annual leave. A better push for more generous paternity packages would be welcome and there is a lot of work to be done to make shared parental leave more viable.

reallybadidea · 02/03/2019 16:20

I wonder whether Foggyday's dh works at the same place as mine. He would also get 6 months off on full pay. Too late for us though, he's had the snip!

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