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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why don't men get 1 year paternity leave?

376 replies

Catinthetwat · 02/03/2019 14:41

I was just wondering what people's thoughts were on this?

I think it's hard to defend unequal access to parental leave. This is important for men, women and for children. The only argument against is an economic one. Is that a good enough reason?

The government are currently looking into extending the 2 weeks paternity leave to around 12 weeks I think - which would be a start.

So, men should be given 1 years paternity leave with pay and benefits equal to women - aibu?

OP posts:
HedgePlastic · 02/03/2019 16:57

Mumsnet women are FAR more likely to be SAHMs who gave up their careers than women in real life. I think it's pathetic.

EvePolastriBaby · 02/03/2019 16:58

Hedge*

Have you done a poll on how many of us are SAHM's.

Start with me...I'm not 🙋🏻‍♀️

AssassinatedBeauty · 02/03/2019 16:59

What an odd attitude, @HedgePlastic. Women are not men, we can breastfeed, it's better for both baby and mother. To ignore that and suggest it's better not to is wrong. It's not about motherhood being "sacred" it's just about recognising that in some specific ways, women and men are different.!

user1497787065 · 02/03/2019 17:00

My husband had two hours. Picked me up from the hospital at midday and was back at work at 2pm. Would I have had it any other way? No.

StylishDuck · 02/03/2019 17:00

Aren't you a delight @HedgePlastic Hmm

How about doing your thing and not judging other women for their choices? Coming from a full time working mum of two who happens to be a "Mumsnet woman". I must have missed the rule that says I'm meant to be a SAHM if I'm on here.

clairemcnam · 02/03/2019 17:01

No women do not get paid more than men before having children.

fullfact.org/economy/UK_gender_pay_gap/

Ghanagirl · 02/03/2019 17:01

@HedgePlastic

The idea of the mother being the primary carer is outdated. Just don't breastfeed! We shared parental leave equally. As for all of this "it's not financially viable to share the leave" nonsense, women outperform men in terms of earnings before childbirth years. So, no. Only on Mumsnet do women make excuses, "my husband earns more than me". Really? Because statistically, that's unlikely. Mumsnet women like to see motherhood as something sacred (as opposed to just parenthood), in order to justify them giving up their careers. Pathetic.
Just don’t breast feed?
I’ve heard it all now.
Breastfeeding is what breasts are for and what’s best for babies.
If the mother chooses not to fair enough but a baby being denied breast milk and a mother who wants to do the best for her baby being forced back to work so her husband can have is right to leave that’s not equality of in the best interest of the infant.

BlueJeansNiceTop · 02/03/2019 17:01

If the mum takes 9 months and the father then takes 3 months, what rate of pay are those 3 months paid at?

Bellendejour · 02/03/2019 17:02

My company also gives six months full pay for men and women - my DP works with me and we’re both taking it off, I’m so excited that we can experience this together! And that I won’t have to do it all alone and fuck it up massively

clairemcnam · 02/03/2019 17:02

The pay gap widens once women have children. But women are on average still paid less than men before having children.

AssassinatedBeauty · 02/03/2019 17:04

@BlueJeansNiceTop it would be unpaid, if just statutory. If the father's company offered an enhanced shared parental leave policy then it could be paid but I don't think very many companies (if any) would offer anything like that.

Rezie · 02/03/2019 17:07

In finland after a few months maternity leave it turn into parenta leave. My brother and my sister in law both started home for a year.

Purpletigers · 02/03/2019 17:07

Assassination- I wouldn’t want the government to pay out more than the two weeks paternity leave they already do . Private companies can do as they wish . I don’t think the tax payer should fund the fatherto be at home at all tbh .
Self employed people have to fund any leave themselves .

WatchToTheEnd · 02/03/2019 17:08

@clairemcnam

Nope. We're paid more, get better grades and are more likely to be in qualification-appropriate role.

Don't let facts get in your way though ...

SoyDora · 02/03/2019 17:10

I think it's pathetic

I think suggesting a woman doesn’t breastfeed (which is best, health wise, for woman and child) just so a man gets his ‘fair share’ of leave is pathetic 🤷🏻‍♀️

AssassinatedBeauty · 02/03/2019 17:15

I think self employed men should be entitled to a paternity allowance, just as women are entitled to maternity allowance if they are self employed.

HedgePlastic · 02/03/2019 17:18

There are loads of ways not breastfeeding is better for a mother and a baby. Like equal parenting. And sleeping through the night. There are very few demonstrable benefits of breastfeeding for a baby, aside from refuced incidents of gastroenteritis. But don't let facts get in your way - "breast is best" must be true - it rhymes!

Basically, don't breastfeed if it's stopping you getting on with your career. What a waste!

OneBiscuitAtATime · 02/03/2019 17:20

I think more should be done to promote the shared leave. My husband is taking over from me after 9 months. We earn roughly the same so financially it makes no difference. The great benefit to me is that it puts us on an equal footing in terms of the mental load when we are both back at work. Generally we operate as equals but when I returned to work after my first mat leave he automatically carried on as normal initially. We’ll never close the gender pay gap (which is in no small part a maternal pay gap) until we normalise men taking equal parental responsibility in this way.

SardineQueenII · 02/03/2019 17:22

Where is OP?

AssassinatedBeauty · 02/03/2019 17:23

@HedgePlastic you're pushing your agenda, there's so much in what you've said that is inaccurate or just not true.

Breastfeeding has got nothing to do with equal parenting. Feeding is one aspect of childcare, men can do everything else. Similarly sleeping through the night is a myth, breastfeeding mothers get as much sleep as formula feeding mothers. And you haven't mentioned any of the benefits to the mother. Breast isn't best, it is the biological norm, formula is an adequate nutritional substitute.

Ghanagirl · 02/03/2019 17:25

@HedgePlastic
You’re making things up to suit a wilfully misinformed agenda.
Read this regarding breastfeeding.

www.unicef.org.uk/babyfriendly/about/breastfeeding-in-the-uk/amp/

clairemcnam · 02/03/2019 17:33

watchtotheend I posted a link that show women get paid less than men. Yes women get better qualifications than men, but they are still paid less. Read the link that uses actual statistical data.

PeggySuehadababy · 02/03/2019 17:33

I think we should encourage more men to take shared parental leave, it could help them be hands on dads and share the mental load of running a household.

Unfortunately, some people seem to support the view that men are not capable of looking after their offspring, or only mums know how to look after their kids,
which makes me question why they had babies with them in the first place.

A very 1950s mum stays at home, dad goes to work view.

butteryellow · 02/03/2019 17:33

If men wanted it, they would fight for it.

Besides, they already do have access to parental leave, and I don't actually know a single man who took it.

oblada · 02/03/2019 17:36

With shared parental leave this discussion is a bit pointless surely??