To advise my daughter to marry rich.

[miyty]

Ok hear me out.

I will be advising my daughters to look at a person's job and prospects and to really think about what life will look like with someone in a poorly paid career/ job.

Im not saying that this is the main focus- not at all. Merely it is something to definitely think strong and hard about.

Looking at all my friends and family. The ones that are financially well off and have a lot more life choices for themselves and a better quality of life for their kids too have married men who have very good jobs. They themselves are mostly in mediocre jobs and a few of them have never even worked.

You know life doesn't work like this don't you? Quite a few of my friends have married 'well' and I would say only one of them is truly happy. Just because someone can easily support a SAHM doesn't mean they will, or just because they could cover school fees doesn't mean they will. It also means nothing if they spend all the money on themselves. Better to focus on finding someone kind, who is sensible with money and wants to do their best.

My best friend married a commercial barrister. He wastes all his money, she now works a minimum wage job as he encouraged her not to work so has no professional experience and he's had affairs. She is miserable. Any money he has he spends on himself, it's not a happy way of life.

I just had to leave the computer and check that we were indeed in 2019 and not the 1950's.

Dreadful advice for your daughters. I would be horrified if one of mine came home with someone in tow just because he was rich.

You should marry someone that you are compatible with and that you love and cherish. Rich people go bankrupt. Poor people start multi million pound businesses. it goes both ways.

I have also told my daughters that they are "good enough" and don't need a man in their lives to validate them. No man is better than someone who is abusive, not supportive and generally a knob.

No way!!!!! I have 2 DDs and they are now teens and I have always said look for kindness and attraction. After that they can discern but no amount of money outweighs those 2 things,

not right to marry for money, but attitude to money will say everything. My ex was a sponging git. Still is. I had no other reference as to what a relationship should look like.

^^this. You need a partner with a similar work ethic and values. I've seen people marry 'for love' and it has gone tits up when they realise that their H is actually an overgrown child who doesn't want to hold down a job that earns decent money. I have friends who have divorced largely because Hs have had different attitudes to money (either they prefer to spend or save people are different after all).

But whatever, absolutely I will always be financially independent.

No way, I'm already drumming into my daughter that you should never rely on a man to provide a life for you, ALWAYS have your own means of support, I would hate for her to live in a gilded cage with no means of escape in case things go wrong...thank god most people on here feel the same.

I agree. It makes for higher chance of long term happiness and health. I'd be gutted if my DD settled for a poor unambitious man.

No way, the power imbalance of “marrying up” is not healthy at all.

I’d advise to be ambitious and do well yourself and marry your equal with shared values.

I agree. It makes for higher chance of long term happiness and health. I'd be gutted if my DD settled for a poor unambitious man.

Out of interest would you feel the same if your DS 'settled' for a poor unambitious woman?

I think it's probably more important to assess what the prospective DH or DW's attitude is towards work, savings, willingness to progress if given the opportunity etc rather than the actual amount.

Good Lord! What if they decide not to marry as they are happy on their own. Why does everyone have to be married off. It's 2019.

Not RTFT

But this is the ultimate 21fst feminism that is railing against the "incels/menslibs" types.

It is so multi layered in the go girl rhetoric and yet shits on mother of boys.

This thread is a new wave progressive stance on promoting 50's ideals.

This IDPOL stack is becoming comical in the mental hoops thats needed to rebut this argument.

My mother's advice was to marry where there's love, but love where there's money! Reader, I failed on the latter.

agree that your DD should be encouraged to be financially independent but considering a future DH's financial prospects is also sensible. Perhaps things will be different for this next generation but in my circle of friends (40/50 ages), although I probably have the best career and salary, I am the only one whose DCs aren't in private school etc because my DH, unlike theirs, has an average job. I also work FT, always have, whereas the others all work PT since having DCs (all now teens). So whilst I am glad I could support myself and happy with DH, it wouldn't be wrong to think about his future financial capability as well as yours.

Never married despite several engagements, just haven’t been able to take that final step and came from a household of strong independent women and have followed the same path as have worked, raised children, bought a house with no financial input from anyone. My background was fiercely in favour of women being totally independent and while I think it was a little too extreme I still believe the greatest lesson for a daughter is not to rely on any man

Marry happy is my only motto.

I know/have known a few men who are very big earners and the decent ones among them (not all big earners make good husbands or partners) have all married equally decent women.

Inherited wealth aside, those who have worked for their big incomes are fairly astute and they are very aware of the women looking merely to bag a rich husband and steer clear of them. Also interestingly, the men are not bothered if the women are big earners or not but the women all have careers of their own (even careers that don't pay as much/pay more humbly), but they are educated, hardworking, and are equally sophisticated - not in terms of knowing their wines or ski slopes, but in terms of depth of character, perception, manners, conversational skills etc etc. Usually they have met at work in some capacity even if on different levels (as opposed to a bar or club). That's just a snapshot view though.

This little nugget of wisdom can be found in Baz Luhrmann’s Everybody’s Free To Wear Sunscreen:

“Don't expect anyone else to support you
Maybe you have a trust fund
maybe you have a wealthy spouse
but you never know when either one might run out”

Pretty much the whole song is excellent advice for life.

My gran told me this... I'm married to a lovely Rich. . we're not well off . But we get by. It's all fine
. Bless her

In all seriousness

• like many p,p, sort yourself out career wise or finance wise and don't necessarily depend on s rich man.

Advise her to be rich.

Well that rules out at least 2 potential partners for my DS.
I'll also be advising him about the 'goldiggers' who wouldn't give him more than a glance now (for he is good looking) because he might not earn enough so they could sit on their arse.

I look forward to being the subject of a future MIL thread.

Right, I've had some wine so I'm going to play devil's advocate but I'm going to start with a caveat:

Your daughter has not been born with and worked hard to build skills and personal assets for the benefit of finding a 'rich' or 'well-positioned' man. She has those assets for her own benefit and like others have said, to build her own life and stand on her own two feet. Her looks, intelligence, creativity and/or talents are not currency for finding a marriage suitor.

However,, it's good advice to find someone with the qualities that people who are often financially successful likely have. They tend to include but are not limited to diligence, intelligence, conscientiousness, kindness and courtesy, skill in a particular field, being prepared to work hard and stick at something.

That should be her 'shopping list'. Not money in itself. You can be fucking miserable in a mansion. And with the above you are considerably more likely to live in a 'naice' house with a reliable car and a few treats.

Marry KIND and earn her own money

You marry for love, regardless of what they earn, you absolute heathen.

Yabvu

I will be advising my DD to be financially independent.

I married Rich(ard) - would highly recommend, he’s amazing.

As for wealth, encourage her to earn for herself! Marry for love.