To advise my daughter to marry rich.

[miyty]

Ok hear me out.

I will be advising my daughters to look at a person's job and prospects and to really think about what life will look like with someone in a poorly paid career/ job.

Im not saying that this is the main focus- not at all. Merely it is something to definitely think strong and hard about.

Looking at all my friends and family. The ones that are financially well off and have a lot more life choices for themselves and a better quality of life for their kids too have married men who have very good jobs. They themselves are mostly in mediocre jobs and a few of them have never even worked.

[Purpletigers]

Money tends to marry money though .

[cherish123]

The advice could equally apply to your son (if you have one).

However, better advice would be for your children to aim high themselves.

[Oliversmumsarmy]

I have known women who set out to marry rich men and now have very little because of business failiures and marriages where they were poor as proverbial church mice but then after a lot of hard work they became multi millionaires.

You never quite know so it’s best to he in charge of your own life

[2rachtin]

I'd advise both my sons and daughters to marry someone financially stable with strong career prospects - and encourage them to develop their own careers.

Personally my husband and I have similar earning potential but I am grateful of the opportunity I have while my children are young to work part time. We couldn't afford this if he didn't have a good job too. I also want my children to have holidays and experience extra curricular activities, and for us not to have to worry about how we pay the bills.

[Notsobonkers]

Investment banker here that married a factory worker. He’s the love of my life. Should I have married rich instead?

[CinammonPorridge]

I would advise her to marry someone who makes her happy and find a career she loves.

[Lovingbenidorm]

All my kids have grown up with a very strong sense of self worth and self respect.
They have worked hard and achieved.
The eldest are in professional jobs that they love, youngest is working towards that same goal.
We’ve always taught our kids to be self reliant.
I think while income in a partner is of little matter, but obviously a bonus,
Integrity, honesty, humour and kindness are far more important.

[HomeMadeMadness]

I think this kind of "advice" is always pointless. Kids learn through experience and observation. While people can repeat patterns of relationships they've seen growing up they don't choose their boyfriends based on pearls of supposed wisdom given to them by older relatives. If your daughter is herself successful and financially independent she's likely to run into and look for similar men. By the time she's an adult and looking to get marries she'll also be more than capable of noticing which of her family members are happy and deciding why.

[Purpletigers]

Not sobonkers- maybe he’s the one who was advised to marry well . Sounds like it worked out well for you both .

[HomeMadeMadness]

I also generally find that people who are attracted to lazy partners with nothing to contribute usually suffer from low self esteem or have been set bad examples of relationships. It's not because it hasn't occurred to them that it might be nicer to have a partner who treats them well an contributes to the household.

[Sunshinewithshowers123]

You'd think after all the horrendous threads on here about abusive partners etc it would open your eyes to the horrific lives some people endure. No amount of wealth or social standing could compensate for that. To marry kind (as one of the first posters said) is the best advice and what I hope for my children.

[RebuildingMyLife]

OP, I married for love when my DH was piss poor. I had more money than him. We had loads in common and did everything together. 20 years later he has an amazing job that pays really, really well. I am talking around 300K a year.

Thing is, I am f@@king miserable . He's away all the time, on the phone having a conference call or here in body but not in person as he has some deal going on in his head. Tonight I am home alone with DC as he is away.

Right now I'd swap him for someone who earns minimum wage and wants to go out for a beer tonight. Seriously, I'm on other topics asking about divorce. Be careful what you wish for you DC.

Also, I know someone who has counselled their DD to marry rich. She is still single and nearly 50. Every time I see her she bangs on about this illusive millionaire she is going to bag. I don't think it is going to happen.

[PortiaCastis]

I would advise to marry someone she loves and be happy having earned money of her own as nobody likes a gold digging parasite.

[showmewhatyougot]

If you had a son would you encourage him to only marry "poor" so his wife is reliant on him.

It's ridiculous! Yes money makes things easier, but why can't your daughter get her own career and make her own money? Is she not capable?

[scarbados]

My first husband was 'rich' - titled, father worth millions, mum and step-dad not short of a bob or two, own business with plenty of money around. He was a total bastard. I was working and paying all the bills out of my salary. He was violent and the marriage collapsed after less than 2 years.

Husband number 2 is a low-paid FLT driver on minimum wage. He's kind and supportive and makes me laugh. 18 years in, we're still happy and love every moment we spend togther. Choosing rich doesn't mean choosing happy.

[sailorsdelight]

Advise your children to be educated, self sufficient, save more than they spend and think about their careers. And when they find a partner make sure that partner is their equal.

[perfectstorm]

I suggest you advise your daughter on how to create her own career and how to choose a partner who is kind and not an abuser or a cocklodger.

This.

Anyone can be disabled, or die, or fall in love with someone else and leave. It's essential to be well qualified, with decent prospects of your own. That way, if a husband turns out to be an arse once the children arrive (happens sadly too often) your daughter can have enough power to say, shape up or ship out. And mean it. She can also step up to support the family if, from no fault of his own, her husband can't do so. Redundancy can hit anyone, and so can ill health. Two well qualified parents are a lot better insurance than one.

Marrying money when you are then a dependant (and a gold digger, to boot) is no way to start a marriage. Marrying an equal is.

[Bigdreams]

She might never marry.

[ScarletBitch]

You would be better off teaching your daughter to be self sufficient and confident and able to Marry because she loves them not just his salary! It's 2019, she does not need a man to live a happy fulfilling life!!

[headinhands]

Kindness is the biggest thing.

[ginghamtablecloths]

It goes without saying that the more money you earn the wider the choices you have but this shouldn't be a basis for marriage.
You marry someone because you love them, you have a lot in common and you both want the same things out of life. Money isn't everything.

[TroysMammy]

I'd advise her to be financially independent and be with someone who has the same work ethic. Not like muggins here who married "for love" and the lazy sod literally sponged off me. I'm in a much better place after being divorced for 15 years.

[sourdoh]

i have friends who married into families with scond homes, high incomes etc etc. One is divorcing but should be reasonbly well looked after financially.
I married someone completely different. Who was abusive and utterly shit with money. I'm left with eff all to show for 15 years of marriage, aside from my own career which is on a par with his, thankfully despite around 8 years disruption of PT/Career breaks.

I know which situation i would prefer to be in I'm sad to say. It's far harder to build a life from a marriage where the only and most important blessings, are the kids.

My children have been encouraged to be financially independent, solvent etc and i hope they continue with this mindset and ignore their fathers dreadful influence.

As a PP said, i was taught to put others before myself, to 'defer' and it was the worst advice ever. I am working so hard to undo a tonne of damage borne from that approach to life.

[sourdoh]

not sure my post made any sense whatsoever.

not right to marry for money, but attitude to money will say everything. My ex was a sponging git. Still is. I had no other reference as to what a relationship should look like.

Then again, i got pregnant a year into the relationship and have spent the intervening 16 years paying for it every single day.