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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For not updating friend

53 replies

Chipsncheeze · 02/03/2019 11:55

A friend of mine (F1) fell out with me a few months ago after I admittedly said an insensitive comment to her (I thought I was being helpful but my brain engaged before my mouth). A follow up attempt to redeem the situation with humour wasn't well received, so I swiftly apologised but heard nothing.

A mutual friend of ours (F2) took ill a month later and so I txt F1 to let her know as she lives far away from me and F2. F1 continued no contact with me but. Had received my messages as she txt F2 to see if she was OK.

Another month passed by and I sent a very long grovelling apology to F1 hoping she would forgive me. I heard nothing again.

F2 took ill last week but this time I never txted F1 because she's not spoken to me in 2 months so I figured she won't forgive me and I'm not her personal newsfeed. F1 found out that F2 was ill again and has finally texted me in anger that I didn't inform her about it.

So AIBU not have not texted when F2 was ill again and how should I respond back?

OP posts:
Lemonsquinky · 02/03/2019 11:59

Why can't F2 text? Also why doesn't F1 text F2 regularly so she would know what was going on in her life?
Block F1 .

CalmdownJanet · 02/03/2019 12:01

Nope, tell her fuck of your not her p.a, she has an absolute cheek! I would text her back "So you ignore all my messages, didn't even respond with a thanks to my last update but you still expect me to text you updates? Now this rude text? Hahaha feck off you cheeky winch I'm not your p.a"

cstaff · 02/03/2019 12:01

She was being petty with you by not even acknowledging your messages and now you are the bad guy. Stuff that. Let her take responsibility for her own lack of responding to you.

Girlinthegarden · 02/03/2019 12:02

No! YANBU. If she didn't acknowledge your first text, I'd have assumed she'd have had no interest in hearing from you on this matter again.

Gina2012 · 02/03/2019 12:03

F1 is NUTS

Block and avoid

Shockers · 02/03/2019 12:03

‘If you regularly kept in touch with F1, you would know the situation. Be a better friend and you won’t need updates from me. Regards.’

HardofCleaning · 02/03/2019 12:04

YANBU, I would say since she hadn't responded to your previous messages, naturally you haven't sent anymore. She can't have it both ways.

Mmmhmmm · 02/03/2019 12:05

Tell her she's an adult, you're not her PA and she's more than capable of contacting friend 2 if she actually cares about her.

Out of curiosity did you start a thread about this awhile back? The original problem I mean? Reminded of a thread awhile back with a friend who I think was TTC. 🤔

Ribbonsonabox · 02/03/2019 12:06

YANBU I'd not think of someone as my close friend any more if they had repeatedly ignored attempts to contact them... I'd think they did not want any contact from me! I think any one would!
Most people would not persistently contact someone when they got no response.

combatbarbie · 02/03/2019 12:06

Wow! Just be honest, you are not her PA and if she's not interested in your apology then your not interested in her friendship.

Lizzie48 · 02/03/2019 12:06

YANBU, definitely, OP. How entitled is she?? Why would she expect you to act as your PA, when she doesn't want to be friends with you anymore? Block and ignore.

Changedmynametoolikeyou · 02/03/2019 12:06

You did something to upset your friend and she didn’t forgive you. At that point, sadly, the friendship is over and you stop owing her anything. I’d tell her as much.

Mmmmbrekkie · 02/03/2019 12:12

Odd F2 didn’t text her
Can’t really comment. Depends how awful comment made

Ohtherewearethen · 02/03/2019 12:18

It sounds like F1 is really enjoying this. You can't do right whatever you do. You are not her personal news reporter. I'd tell her to get stuffed, the cheeky cow. I hope your other friend recovers soon.

maddening · 02/03/2019 12:20

I would reply

Look I know I fucked up x months ago and apologised at the time and continue to be remorseful however you have not responded to anything I have sent and therefore I have respected that you no longer wish to have contact with me, this to me means that I won't contact you. I would love to go back in time and make it all better but that ship has evidently sailed. If you want to see if we can salvage our friendship I am totally open to this, however until then please do not issue angry messages to me when I have respected your wish to break contact.

DaveCoachesgavemetheclap · 02/03/2019 12:25

Tell F1 to F off.

NiceNewShiny · 02/03/2019 12:26

maddenings text is perfect.👌🏻

I’d send that.

MyKingdomForBrie · 02/03/2019 12:30

Yep I'd send what maddening said.

billybagpuss · 02/03/2019 12:32

Use @maddening's reply without the 'look' at the beginning as it makes it sound stroppy rather than genuine.

Billben · 02/03/2019 12:34

Stop with the grovelling apologies and just cut F1 lose. She’s enjoying holding you by the thread. If she wanted to make amends she would have responded to your messages. You are not her PA and people who play tricks like these with others are not worth bothering with.

ohfourfoxache · 02/03/2019 12:35

Another vote for Maddening’s reply. But F1 sounds genuinely batshit

pictish · 02/03/2019 12:47

“I’m not your personal newsfeed. You didn’t respond to previous texts and have not spoken to me in months. You have made it clear you do not wish to hear from me. I respect your position on that and think it’s best if you keep up with F2 on your own steam.”

pictish · 02/03/2019 12:47

Or what msddening suggests, yes.

pictish · 02/03/2019 12:48

And what Billben says too. She can’t have it all ways, the silly bitch.

Aquamarine1029 · 02/03/2019 12:52

It's time to let your relationship with F1 go the way of the dodos.