In a deep shit - starting new job on Monday and positive pregnancy test!

[oreoxoreo]

Resigned from my 10+ years job just yesterday and starting an awesome new job in civil service on Monday. Don't know what prompted me to do pregnancy test today, it's 30th day of the cycle, it came out as very clear positive!!

I am 40 with 2 DC divorcing my exH and in nearly 3 years relationship with my boyfriend who has his own DC. Having children together were never in the picture, well I don't say no to it but we are definitely not there yet if will ever be. In fact I had termination very early in relationship, he was supportive. That time I could work out later exactly when the accident happened.

This cycle has been awkward. I went to urgent care centre in mid-cycle with abdominal right side pain, they did pregnancy test too (negative), I asked for referral for abdominal scan and the pain has subsided in the meantime. I can't even remember having sex mid-cycle due to this. I am not on pill but we've been careful.

In one word I feel so shit. I am now worried about my new job. I need to book termination. Let's say even if we considered having a baby, my probation is 9 months!! So I would make myself too vulnerable. We don't even live together. I doubting if I should tell him even. Of course it's both fault somewhere but I feel my share of guilt. How do I even go about taking a day off for termination from work that I haven't even started yet!!!

Not really AIBU, just please tell me there is a way to get it resolved.

[Fabaunt]

I’d be getting checked for ectopic. I have no advice but look after yourself and do what’s right for you.

[HotSauceCommittee]

I stated “minor surgery “ and went on a Friday (so recovery time over weekend) to my employers years ago and it was fine.
Ring Marie Stopes; you can go direct to them without GP, their phone lines are open over the weekend and they may even give you a weekend appointment.

[Crunchymum]

You don't get false positives.

[bethy15]

I guess I am worried that my boyfriend will think lesser of me. I think lesser of me, 2nd termination in 3 years, and none before.

Honestly, don't think less of yourself. These are expectations placed on women and enhanced in the media and society that we should be something 'other' when this is what you need. There's no shame in it.

There's no shame in having six or seven abortions if someone needs it, but women are vilified by society, so there's no winning.

[Seline]

I also question the morals (or lack of them!) of women who get pregnant as soon as they start a new job and then fuck off for a year on maternity.

Lol. Employers don't give a shit about employees, were just numbers to them. No one thinks when you're dead "oh she was a great employee". Some of us will put our families first.

[Eyeneedhelp]

Certain medical issues can cause false positives

[Crunchymum]

I stand corrected.... About the false positives!!

[PennyMordauntsLadyBrain]

@HoppityFrog3 your posts have been some of the most scare mongering, misogynistic (and incorrect) shite I’ve seen on MN in 10 years.

As if a heavily unionised, public sector employer would be stupid enough to dismiss an otherwise good employee purely because they’re pregnant without careful documentation of under performance and investigation. Individual managers might be stupid enough to try it, but a 30 second discussion with HR would confirm that it’s essentially asking for a discrimination case.

[Lizzie48]

@HoppityFrog3 has given me a good laugh with her dramatic flouncing and then coming back.🤣

The OP has decided to terminate her pregnancy so there's no need to get so heated just because posters are disagreeing with you.

[Mrscog]

I don't think the time off will be a problem - I work in a public sector type organisation as a manager and wouldn't think anything of it. I recently had a new starter who had the whole of their first week off sick with a bug then their child getting it. These things happen, and she's spectacular.

[juneau]

OP your first priority is to book your termination, so I would see if you can get one outside of work hours, if you can. If you can't then you'll just have to ask them for a day off for an unavoidable, but urgent medical appointment. Apologise profusely, don't give any details, offer to make up the time if necessary. And please stop beating yourself up. All of this is hard enough to deal with without you self-flagellating. Shit happens. Take a deep breath, deal with it, and hopefully get back to focusing on the family and this wonderful new opportunity that you have

[Hodge00079]

It sounds like you think a termination is the way to go.

You mentioned you might want a child in a few years. If this didn’t happen and you had the termination would you feel you missed the chance?

[MadCatEnthusiast]

There have been cases where ovarian cysts/tumours do give out false positives with the hormones they produce so get that double checked first! Is it definitely an embryo or is it a cyst?

[MadCatEnthusiast]

Is it definitely an embryo or is it a cyst? This is a question for you OP to answer to yourself for yourself btw.

[LadyTmalia]

I'm glad @HoppityFrog3 has hopped off as she was spouting some serious crap. I've known people who have (intentionally) started their new CS job pregnant, had maternity leave after 6 months come back for 4 weeks and left for another year or so and still have a job - due to the nature of our area it wont be the exact same team necessarily, but still the same job

If some of you worked for me, you'd be out within a month! LMAO - they clearly either don't work for CS or have so many grievances stacking up against them.... utter utter crap and bollocks!


Best of luck with your decision, as previous posted have stated, you need to see a Doctor as soon as possible, but dont worry about your job (and good luck with that too :))

[NotTheDada]

Unsure how you can resign from a 10+ year on a Friday and start a new one on the Monday? Did you not have a notice period? Even my bog standard admin role has a 6 week notice period for 10 years service.

Please get yourself checked out by a proper doctor. It is entirely possible to get a false positive on a pregnancy test. My 64 year old mum was giving false positives due to ovarian tumours.

If you can't think when you had sex to account for this, you have had severe abdominal pain and have "possible ovarian cysts" you need to be sat in the doctors waiting room refusing to move til they have given you All The Tests. All of them.

[oreoxoreo]

Thank you again. i don't even know how to get checked asap - I am already on the list for ultrasound for suspected cyst. I already worried enough taking time off when this ultrasound appt comes through.

I meant, my last day in the old job was yesterday. Sorry for bad wording.

What if can't have a child later on in life? I am already blessed with two and I guess I can accept it.

My new job is really everything I've asked for. I've kept impeccable attendance record in my old job and feel like would failed by starting off the first day with 'I need some time off...' or going to the office loo every hour as that's what happened after my first termination for days.

[LadyTmalia]

Its possible the OP has her wording mixed up and has used the word resign instead of "leaving after the correct notice period"

[WakeUpFromYourDreamAndScream]

I'm quite shocked that at 40 you have written 'I don't know how I got pregnant' you are not using any reliable form of contraception and are now having your second termination. You need to grow up OP

[NotTheDada]

You go to the doctors and say "I'm 40, showing symptoms of possible pregnancy but I haven't had any sex to account for it. I had a spell of abdominal pain and am being investigated for cysts. To help with ruling out ovarian cancer I would like the CA125 blood test"

[FaithFrank]

I work in the civil service and, honestly, in my workplace nobody would be at all worried about time off for medical appointments. My only concern as a manager would be scheduling your induction, training or whatever. It would no make a bad impression at all.

[Noname99]

I really don’t think, I’m the long run, anyone is going to remember that you had a couple of days off in the first month of your job. I’d fudge the truth if I were you. Tell them you need a minor op, you now have a date and you’ll need x days off. Tell them it’s not an ongoing problem and the op will resolve it. In 6 months time no one will remember that you had a couple of days off in the first month.

[pitterpatterbaby]

I am a civil servant. This won't affect your career one bit. Most likely the safest environment for this to happen. Don't worry. I got promoted at 34 weeks pregnant 😂 went off on maternity leave the following month then just got to it when I returned. At 40 you can't delay forever and jf it's meant to be it'll work out. Good luck xxx

[pitterpatterbaby]

I am a civil servant. This won't affect your career one bit. Most likely the safest environment for this to happen. Don't worry. I got promoted at 34 weeks pregnant 😂 went off on maternity leave the following month then just got to it when I returned. At 40 you can't delay forever and jf it's meant to be it'll work out. Good luck xxx