In a deep shit - starting new job on Monday and positive pregnancy test!

[oreoxoreo]

Resigned from my 10+ years job just yesterday and starting an awesome new job in civil service on Monday. Don't know what prompted me to do pregnancy test today, it's 30th day of the cycle, it came out as very clear positive!!

I am 40 with 2 DC divorcing my exH and in nearly 3 years relationship with my boyfriend who has his own DC. Having children together were never in the picture, well I don't say no to it but we are definitely not there yet if will ever be. In fact I had termination very early in relationship, he was supportive. That time I could work out later exactly when the accident happened.

This cycle has been awkward. I went to urgent care centre in mid-cycle with abdominal right side pain, they did pregnancy test too (negative), I asked for referral for abdominal scan and the pain has subsided in the meantime. I can't even remember having sex mid-cycle due to this. I am not on pill but we've been careful.

In one word I feel so shit. I am now worried about my new job. I need to book termination. Let's say even if we considered having a baby, my probation is 9 months!! So I would make myself too vulnerable. We don't even live together. I doubting if I should tell him even. Of course it's both fault somewhere but I feel my share of guilt. How do I even go about taking a day off for termination from work that I haven't even started yet!!!

Not really AIBU, just please tell me there is a way to get it resolved.

[Seline]

Ssmiler they're very good at making accommodations. My oldest son is 3 and whenever I've had to rush off due to him being unwell they've always let me either work the time back or take it as family distress. I also got sick pay when I was pregnant because I had horrid sickness and was off for weeks with it.

Wouldn't work anywhere else if you've got kids tbh.

[bethy15]

From the post the OP already knows she wishes to terminate, so that should be respected instead of telling the OP how she can make it work at a new job and having a baby right away. She doesn't want to, so accept HER choice.

As I read it your issue is you don't want to have a day off so soon to have an abortion. Is that right?
I believe it's possible to book an appointment on a Saturday if that will fit you better. You've realised early, so see what your options are with timing.

As for your partner, he was supportive of your early abortion in your relationship, if it's a strong relationship, he'll be supportive of you again.

All the best.

[Seline]

Hoppity

It wasn't an accident. All my kids were planned, but nice assumption you made there. Had you have gotten rid of me, I'd have filed a lovely law suit and as I'm protected under the Equality Act 2010, you'd have found yourself in quite a bit of difficulty.

I highly doubt you even work for the CS, your aggressive manner and illiteracy betray you.

[ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine]

OP I suggest contacting mumsnet and asking them to move this to a different boards. Some people assume if you post something on AIBU you're openly saying "please be an arsehole to me!".

[Seline]

Some people assume if you post something on AIBU you're openly saying "please be an arsehole to me!"

This is very true.

I second the suggestion of asking it to be moved.

[BlueJava]

How about trying to book a termination on a Friday and telling them it's a medical procedure that got put back. You'll then have the weekend to recover (physically). Offer a doctor's note and if they want one just ask the doctor to put something other than termination (I believe these will do so - i.e. not lie but write "minor op" or some such). Good luck.

[GraceMarks]

The Civil Service are shit hot on employment law and discrimination. I work for them and know of someone who had two children in quick succession and spent the best part of two years on maternity leave, and still had a job to come back to. You wouldn't lose your job if you decided to go ahead with the pregnancy. However, you would inevitably be set back in terms of your career progression, and you may only be entitled to statutory maternity pay if you go on leave before you complete your probationary period.

It doesn't sound like you do want to go ahead with it, though, and I am finding it difficult to work out what you're asking. If it's whether or not to tell your partner, obviously you don't have to, but it's a big thing to keep quiet about, and you might find that it comes out at some point anyway. If it's about having time off for the termination, you just say it's a pre-booked appointment that you have to attend. They won't stop you and they're unlikely to ask for any more detail.

[earlyrisingcat]

Is it possible to get your old job back OP?

I wouldn't risk it. Just to offer some balance here, a friend of mine started a civil service job (Land Registry) in mid 2017, and she fell pregnant about 3-4 months after starting. She told them when she was 4 months pregnant (so 8 months into the job.) They 'let her go' when she was 7 months pregnant. So yes, it is a risk, and they may not keep you on, after being there such a short amount of time. I know they are a good place to work, but if you fall pregnant very quickly (or are already pregnant,) they may not be quite so accommodating. (they weren't with my friend.)

As i said, is it possible to get your old job back? i would never start a new job when i was already pregnant. OP I would also ask MN to move this to the pregnancy board.

[AalyaSecura]

Well if Hoppity does work for the civil service let’s hope it’s not in HR. Pregnancy protection kicks in from day one of employment. This is a decent summary - the tables make it clear. Only difference is if you aren’t classed as an employee.

www.maternityaction.org.uk/advice-2/mums-dads-scenarios/pregnant/pregnant-at-work/

[oreoxoreo]

No I am actually glad I posted here. Again, I sort of know what I need to do, I need to terminate.
I got no idea how I got pregnant this time and when.
I guess I am worried that my boyfriend will think lesser of me. I think lesser of me, 2nd termination in 3 years, and none before. I've always used condoms throughout my life and never a pill.. cin3 removal more recently so really not much of sex and don't know how to go forward with contraception.

As to have a child later in life, I guess I don't want to close that door until about 42, although as I am seeing quite unlikely that we decide to go for it.

Possibly need to find an option of evening/ weekend appointment (South London).

[AlwaysCheddar]

If you’re having a termination then you do not need to tell your boss. There should not be any issue. You just say that you have are going to gynae issue if you want to give any details but doesn’t have to be any more specific than that. Or you could say you got dans appointment having a tooth out and you’ll be at the office for few days. Be a bit creative

[Eyeneedhelp]

Hello op, in light of what you have said re suspected ovarian cyst and positive pregnancy test, you need to see someone ASAP. Not to alarm you but I know that there have been false positives caused by ovarian tumors.
Given your age and how you mentioned that you were careful I would definitely get this looked at straight away as it sounds like pregnancy might not be the cause. I hope you are ok.
Please consider things though, you only have one life.

[Waveysnail]

Take a breath, sit down and weigh up all options. Then decide what you want and go and discuss with bf. If you were considering another child then this isn't the end of the world. Your probation can be extended, take a shorter maternity leave of 6 months or less - perhaps your partner could take paternity leave instead? If you want an abortion then have one. Only you can decide

[Myheartbelongsto]

Don't know how to move forward with contraception??

Speak to your Doctor or family planning clinic!!

How recent was cin3 removal, I'm booked in for this in early April and have been told no sex for 8 weeks.

[Seline]

Just make sure it's for the right reasons and not because of your job!

[ShastaBeast]

Hoppity- your experience may be true but that’s not the civil service. It’s incredibly difficult to get rid of someone. ACAS suggests a nine to twelve month process for disciplinary action and sacking. While most businesses won’t take this path the civil service do it by the letter, even when staff are hopeless and fail to turn up for work most days - it took a colleague months to get rid of someone like that.

OP - don’t make any hasty decisions, the civil service isn’t necessarily that amazing and you are protected. Do it for the right reasons, not imaginary threats to your new job.

[SinkGirl]

Have you had the scan already? I’d definitely be concerned about ectopic or ovarian issues, I think you need to get checked out urgently

[Fairenuff]

You don't have to tell him you know. If you want to terminate the decision is yours and yours alone. If you think he won't be supportive then don't tell.

Two red flags:

1. He is responsible for contraception and it has already failed twice so I'm guessing that sometimes he doesn't use it.
   
   
2. You are scared of him.

[origamiunicorn]

You will risk your new job - coz they WILL get rid of you as soon as they can and they won't owe you anything

You obviously don't work for the Civil Service so shouldn't speak with authority on something you know nothing about. The Civil Service are fantastic with this sort of thing and they WON'T just get rid of you, you are more protected than in most other jobs.

[LuckyLou7]

Go back to the GP, tell them about the positive pregnancy test - check this is actually a pregnancy and not the sign of something else. Certain medical conditions can cause false positives.

If you are confirmed as being pregnant, get an evening appointment and a weekend termination, no need for anyone at work to know.

[GraceMarks]

Hoppity, Civil Service Learning offer a conflict resolution course which you would benefit from doing, because your current approach leaves a lot to be desired. I hope to god that you're not DWP.

[HoppityFrog3]

FFS @origamiunicorn the OP hasn't even started the job yet READ THE THREAD properly!

I'm out - GOODBYE!

[origamiunicorn]

@hoppityfrog3 Thought you'd already gone