Boy forced to have haircut against his will

[Roofio20]

I know this has kind of been covered in other threads but this is a bit different.
My boy (5yo) wanted to grow his hair so I said okay, so long as we can trim it so it's not in his eyes, that's fine, and if it gets really long he'd have to think about wearing it up at school so he didn't get nits, which he was fine with.
Last weekend, their Dad came to visit as he does when he feels like it, took them out for 6hrs, and when they came back, my boy's hair had been cut really badly. Now, I wouldn't have minded if the boy had wanted to get his hair cut, but my 7yo girl said it was horrible because their dad had dragged the boy into the barbers, that the boy had hung onto the door frame, not wanting to go in, then had cried all the way through. He was still upset when they were dropped off. If the boy had wanted it doing, regardless of it being a bad cut, I wouldn't have minded but that the boy had been forced to do this completely against his will, I have a massive issue with. He could see, it wasn't untidy, it was just long. Am I out of order for being cross about my son being forced to do something he really didn't want to?

[DeadButDelicious]

There are some things that we have to 'make' our children do. Brushing teeth, keeping clean, vaccinations, doing homework etc. Cutting perfectly fine, neat and tidy hair, short, against the very clear wishes of the person it's attached too is not one of them.

There is nothing wrong with boys having long hair, if that's what they want. What his father did was abusive.

As an aside, my husbands mother used to force him to have a short back and sides when he was younger. His hair is nearly at his waist as an adult. It's never stopped him getting a job. He could keep it neater to be fair but he does occasionally let me trim it. He won't go to a hairdresser.

[Thesearmsofmine]

It is so odd the way some people react to a boy having long hair. I bet if it was OPs daughter having her long hair cut short against her wishes they would be up in arms about it.

[clairemcnam]

I doubt it.

[LunafortJest]

Am only halfway through the thread but agree with bridgetrielly and strivingtosucceed so far, they're children and must do many things against their will, haircuts is one of those, at least until they're a teenager. I would not allow my son to grow his hair long, but that isn't an issue because where I am schools (government as well as private) mandate that boys hair be no longer than collar length. And at 5 years old my son would be at school so it wouldn't be an option anyway, even if I allowed it. It sounds as if it were terribly distressing for the boy, and his father should have cleared it with you, even gave you a call to let you know. For me, the issue would be his disrespect of you as the mother.

[GerryblewuptheER]

luna

But this isn't a kid refusing a trim or any maintenance of hair whatsoever.

This is a kid who had been having his hair trimmed.

It was being kept manageable

Presumably school Are fine with it and he ties it back as per the rules.

So why force him to have it cut short. There was no need.

[M3lon]

luna do they have the same rule for girls at your son's school?

[Rubusfruticosus]

I'm surprised that there are still state schools in the UK with sexist uniform rules about hair length.

[Willow2017]

Luna
Why is it so terrible for a boy to have long hair when its ok for girls?

Such outdated sexism in school should be challenged. I know lots of boys with long hair at school it doesn't seem to impact on thier learning one bit so what posible reason could the school have for discriminating against boys?

[Jamhandprints]

Your poor son. And your daughter having to watch that. I'd say no more unsupervised contact. Its not the haircut it's the forcing a distressed child to do something against their will. I think it's abusive.

[Roofio20]

The school have no specific hair policy, so long as its clean and tidy. He's a clean and tidy lad in himself, just decided he wanted to grow it. One of his friend's Dad has long hair and I think he was inspired. He always said he wanted hair like his sister's but I thought he just meant curly! He's a reasonable child, so I accommodate his wishes where I can, especially as he's getting older and can make small decisions about his life helps him to learn responsibility slowly. I was the same with his older sister and she's a good egg too for the most part. She thought it was unfair that he was forced to get his hair cut, especially as she only has hers done twice a year (long but very very curly so looks shorter, wears it up for school).

[Mumofaprinny]

Stop sending reports and updates and tell him his kids don’t want to see him again and when contact does resume he can do it supervised again. I would be so mad 😡