To really not like my teenage daughters sometimes

[Twogirlsandme]

Sometimes I just really don’t like them. That’s it really. I do t like their behaviour, I don’t like their attitude and sometimes I wish they would just go away (temporarily...kind of!)

You could spare a thought for the BIL of someone I worked with. Had three girls, something like 5, 3 and 2 and wife got pregnant again. Ended up having twin girls - so 5 girls 5 and under. Can you imagine that household when they hit the teenage years!!

I so needed to read this and realise I'm not the only one with a monster teen! To be fair 15 year old so much better than she was 12 months ago - I don't like 14 year olds!! Unfortunately dd2 is 14 in September so a repeat will happen.

I fear brexit might affect the supply of prosecco and my chances of survival.

I have 3 girls (but this is a teen thing not a girl thing) they fight, Marx, eyeroll, door slam their way through the world taking it in turns to ramp up the vile and remind me what a shit parent I am ( usually while wishing their step mum was their real mum)

Just remember- your kids need your love the most when they deserve it the least - and grit your teeth ( wine also helps)

Marx 😂 well they can be political but that’s meant to be mard

It's not sociak media or parenting! It's the prefrontal cortex!

The brain is undergoing a lot of development in the teenage years. They develop really poor risk/reward balances and extreme sensitivity to embarrassment (hence the need to fit in, and being vain. And status symbols such as designer labels.)

There is a genuine need for that in evolutionary terms because they're becoming adults.

If a child falls down its funny and cute. But if an adult falls down, he's not going to be much use hunting, is he? So they become acutely embarrassed to avoid mistakes like that as they could put themselves and the tribe at risk. Everything is a drama because to their brain, it IS life or death!

It doesn't make them easy to live with but it is useful to understand.

Oh god I'm so glad to have found this. DD1 is 11 and vile. Backchat etc I can take but she is nasty to her sister, hits out when she doesn't get her own way, says some horrible things to us and chucks stuff round the room when she doesn't like something. And she's not even a teenager yet. But I love her to bits and she knows it but sometimes I could cheerfully drive her many miles away and dump her in a dark forest somewhere never to return!

this is a great read on the teenage brain

I feel like I limped through the teenage years with my DD's and felt a failure and ashamed. It's aged me no end.

Youngest now 16 and there's light at the end of the tunnel.
Older is 20 now and over last 6 months has turned into an adult that I like and we talk on the phone much more than we did 2 years ago - just like chatting to a friend about day to day nonsense.
It's really hard going through those years

I think most parents have thought this at some point

I was a c**t to my parents in my teens and I don't use the word lightly.I came out if it around 18/19 but I really regret putting them through that.Teenagers are the ultimate in selfishness

Ampere: nanny you may have been but if you haven’t had your own teenaged daughter yet, please, square yourself, you’re probably in for an helluva ride 😂

Sauvignon: our daughter often tells us how horrified she is now at the grand old age of 25, looking back at how she treated us. Which of course I remind her of at every opportunity when I need a favour ......

dont worry, my dd is 27 and lovely again! we actually get on whoda thought it she was a bloody nightmare!

I read all these and feel like I didn't do teenagering properly when I was a teen! Did most of you with difficult dds behave like them when you were their age? I certainly found my parents annoying at times, but I recognised which side my bread was buttered and wouldn't have said or done anything to rock the boat too much. I hate confrontation and always avoided aggro.

@Slowknitter I was a model teenager. Didn't answer back, worked hard, got on well with my parents and siblings, had hobbies, didn't drink/smoke/do drugs etc. My DSis was the same. So my DD is deifinitely not following in my footsteps!

Some of these have really made me giggle ... sorry!
I love having a teen, more so than younger kids. I think it's because they're more independent and less reliant, and I can selfishly see light at the end of the tunnel re my own freedom!
Eldest has been a great teen overall, despite her autism and misophonia. Her younger sisters will be harder work though, especially middle one.

So old now, but still makes me laugh:

Just got my own back with Massive Cringe
.Just popped some b-boy moves to Bomfunk MC"s 2019.

They are both cowering in cringe right now

next Jason Nevins followed by KRS-1

Got my own back ha!

@JRM 😏

My dd13 is a happy and very helpful young lady who always displays good manners and behaviour.

However should I be concerned?Whenever she finds the opportunity, she pops into her room, closes the door and goes into this epic role-play rant! I can hear her whisper aggressively as I eavesdrop and ohmy she is using some very explicit profanities. I had no idea she even knew this many swear words!!

Have any of you experienced this? Should I be concerned as there may be some underlying issues which I'm unaware of?

Wine all round ladies. My own are still little bit as a pastoral teacher of 20 years I have heard this too often to be fooled that it is poor parenting or social media.

As a couple of PP said this is an evolutionary need. Little animals have to learn to fend for themselves quick or they get eaten. That means finding your tribe/herd and becoming accepted. That’s why teens no longer accept their parents and teachers as the superior beings but their friends.

Where I find it tough as a teacher is the parents who can’t accept their child is not theirs. “My child never would” or “I know everything about my child”. It’s a delicate balance between having your child’s back and defending the indefensible as the child you knew intimately at 8 is no longer the same.

I was a bit of a dick who would show my mum up for her weakness as a housewife. She was working full time with three kids and a husband but the attitude was that he House was all her domain. She just couldn’t do it all alone so I ‘helped’ but with a sneer and judgement. I must have made her feel about 2 inches tall. On the flip side it is amazing how Little vibes that we think are hidden seap through. Sound off on here, seek support from school, lean on partners but, as much as possible, love them openly and honestly. They only push you away as biology tells them you will keep coming back. They are nice to me as I can make them leave school (so they think)

My mum hated me as a teenager and I suppose looking back, she had a point. I was a bit of a shit and I have since apologised... I think my karma will be my DD’s as teens .

@amyyy

Totally normal, by the sounds of it. My younger sister used to do the same in her diary, and it makes no difference if it's uttered aloud!
I would just say something along the lines of 'darling, I heard you on the phone to your friend, and you sounded sooooo annoyed. Remember that I'm here if ever you need to talk anything through'.

This means that she will save face, but you are giving her an opening to have a chat. She may be perfectly behaved on the outside, but you don't want her bottling things up.

@Dieu thank you for your help. I'll give it a go!

@amyyy this reminds me, I did the same in my diary and even tested out writing swearwords I'd heard at school, feeling scandalous but was otherwise a very well behaved teen.

@slowknitter I was a very quiet and well behaved teenager. It didn't even occur to me to rebel

That's why I'm so shocked by DDs behaviour now. She's not even a teenager and she is hideous. I wasn't prepared for it and as I didn't do it, I find it difficult to understand.

All the information about brain development on this thread is helping!

As a single mum with no support I am really taking the brunt of it. Wine helps.