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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Please help - DD at sleepover and horror movies being suggested

119 replies

Summertime2 · 01/03/2019 18:11

DD 13 is at a sleepover with 10 girls and they want to watch Jigsaw or Saw - both 18 rated. She really doesn't and has made other suggestions eg Sixth Sense but no buy in. I don't want to go and collect her but don't know what else to suggest. These movies sound dreadful! And I'm concerned she will be terrified afterwards. Any suggestions?

OP posts:

Shellery · 01/03/2019 23:39

Morgan genuine question - how/why do you enjoy them? Not snarking in the slightest, just genuinely curious how seeing people being maimed and tortured in a graphic way (in the manner of the most gory current type films (rather than horror classics like Halloween, which are gory enough but not torturous) is enjoyable. Do you watch thinking consciously "they're only acting" so it doesn't affect you so much? Have they ever make you flinch? Are there films even you as a horror aficionado couldn't stand to watch to the end (ie too gory?) Does it play on your mind afterwards or can you forget about it? I can't watch them as (I guess) I feel too bad for the victims, even though they are actors and logically I know they are acting!

GummyGoddess · 01/03/2019 23:53

Hope it all went well OP. I'm another one who cannot stand horror. I watched it as a teenager and now I just wonder who on Earth thinks that stuff up and then decides that yes, having someone act out being killed in a painful way will be a great crowd pleaser.

I do judge people who watch crappy gore films (including my brother before anyone decides I have offended them), it doesn't say anything nice about their personality to want to watch someone doing an accurate representation of dying in pain.

The parties I went to as a teen were just alcohol and joints, no horror stuff at all! Just mass sleepovers of boys and girls in the lounge.

PregnantSea · 02/03/2019 00:16

I wouldn't tell the parents of the sleepover host - it will come back on your DD and teen girls can be cruel.

Maybe DD could feign illness and you pick her up? Or say there's been a family emergency?

I used to watch very gory, scary films as a child because my mum is a big horror fan and never saw any harm, but there were occasions that it was too much and gave me nightmares. I was always too proud to say if something was too much for me so it's great that your DD felt she could tell up to you.

tinseltitter · 02/03/2019 00:22

I haven't RTFT , but we have a code word with DS. If he phones or texts the code word, I will call him back immediately and demand he comes home.
He's not to use it indiscriminately, but he is aware that if he needs me I will bail him out without him losing any face. We've not had to use it yet but it's a good system to have in place from a young age.

HaroldsSocalledBluetits · 02/03/2019 00:53

Shellery, I don't want to speak for morgan but as a fellow horror buff I get a genuine adrenaline rush from watching horrors. I have watched loads. Hundreds. For me it's an enjoyable leisure activity, just as other people go on roller coasters for kicks.

I read an article recently about how it's a recognised phenomenon that people who are anxious can find a release in horror movies and that really chimed with me as I am anxious person in day to day life so you would think that watching zombies eat each other would be intolerable for me but, no, I love it. I think it gives me a safe space to be anxious in and then all my anxiety is boxed up in watching the film and somehow real life is less stressful after. Weird, eh?

janetforpresident · 02/03/2019 01:03

agree that you can't unsee the Saw films. I actually regret watching them, and I'm an adult
^^ this

OP your dd sounds like a sensible and mature girl. I had a friend as a teenager who hated horrors so when she was over we watched romcoms instead. We would never have watched a film and made her sit in another room. If your dd friends aren't equally decent then they are not good enough friends for your dd.

I think people are not giving teenage girls enough credit here, the vast majority would back up their friends in this scenario.- surely!?

siestakey · 02/03/2019 01:20

@MorganKitten you enjoy watching people being tortured? I've seen them all and the story line is flimsy at best. Had to sit through them with my brothers friends

As far as horror films go- and I am a horror buff (just not a sadistic torture buff) there are some incredible films I've seen, and it's often the indies/foreign films that do it well. Though some have gone way to far cough cough martyrs cough cough

YouBumder · 02/03/2019 01:26

Phew OP, hoping from your update it hasn’t gone ahead. My son would be extremely distressed for a long time if he saw something like this, I’d have to protect him from it happening if it went ahead, no matter how uncool that made me.

I am in my 40s and can’t imagine anything I’d like to watch less than films like this. I hate horror films although each to their own of course

Italiangreyhound · 02/03/2019 01:42

Summertime2 you daughter sounds brilliant and sensible. Well done OP.

I've never enjoyed scary films and don't understand how people like them!

MorganKitten · 02/03/2019 22:11

@siestakey no I enjoy horror film not people being tortured - I know the difference between really good special effects and life. And I am a buff myself - including working and helping create a well known horror film festival.
Some of my best friends are horror film directors, I’m sure you’ll have seen their work being a fellow horror film buff.

The original Martyrs, the first half is actually about race and class in France, the second half was just boring. I spoke to the director about it and we had a good discussion about differences in opinion. The remake I didn’t bother with, I find most remakes dull.

siestakey · 02/03/2019 22:34

@MorganKitten Yeah I got the race and class part (though was easier to understand in English after watching the American remake too).

It was incredibly hard to watch though some of it. I can't stand gore.

MrMeSeeks · 03/03/2019 00:45

They're shit films, all gore and no proper story. Pure torture porn. You've got to be a right weirdo to enjoy that.

Right so people judge horror watchers and think they’re weird

Italiangreyhound · 03/03/2019 02:55

We all judge other people's choices and behavior. How is this news? People are allowed to have opinions.

Summertime2 how did it go? Was everything OK for your daughter?

toomanyeggs · 03/03/2019 04:56

Let that be a lesson for you, op. You let this back and forth go on for over an hour, instead of just contacting the parents and saying "heads up, my daughter doesn't like horror movies, so please check in with her before the movie starts and ask her what she would like to do (i.e be in another room, come home etc) Thank you"

Instead you pretty much fed your dd's anxiety for an hour for no reason. You must know the parents if you are allowing your dd to stay over.

SparkiePolastri · 03/03/2019 04:59

Right so people judge horror watchers and think they’re weird

Yes. This can't be news to you.

toomanyeggs · 03/03/2019 05:01

Sorry op, that sounds really harsh reading it back! Wasn't meant to be.

OwlBeThere · 03/03/2019 05:15

@mavericksnoopy.....titanic is about the deaths of hundreds of people. who really actually died. that to me, and some other people is far more disturbing than obviously made up horror. its just a matter of perspective and preference. I've always enjoyed horror, i read point horror books and then graduated onto stephen king by age 11 or so, i LOVE horror films, and would watch them for hours on a saturday afternoon from age 12 or so. the Saw movies aren't for me, not my kind of horror, but the point is for some people horror is FUN.
All that being said, no one should have to watch something they don't want to watch and good for your DD sticking up for herself. My 11 year old is a massive fan of horror like me, and we watch things together all the time that i'm sure some people would find offensive, but when she has friends over, its strictly stuff that everyone wants to watch and what their parents are ok with. its all about there being a time and a place. I hope the rest of the night goes well OP!

Buccanarab · 03/03/2019 05:33

Best stay away from kaotic, the ync, crazy shit and best gore if you're squeamish. If not enjoy.

Igotthemheavyboobs · 03/03/2019 06:21

I don't think Saw (up to the third, not watched the others) really fits in with the torture porn genre. Unlike Hostel which is just pure grimness, Saw does have a storyline which is quite interesting as a one off watch.

I wouldn't be happy about a child watching any of them though, despite the fact I was watching 18s as a 11/12 year old, they were things like Scream, not really comparable to Saw/Hotel etc and would probably have been a 15 if released today.

Hope they didn't end up watching it OP

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