Please help - DD at sleepover and horror movies being suggested

[Summertime2]

DD 13 is at a sleepover with 10 girls and they want to watch Jigsaw or Saw - both 18 rated. She really doesn't and has made other suggestions eg Sixth Sense but no buy in. I don't want to go and collect her but don't know what else to suggest. These movies sound dreadful! And I'm concerned she will be terrified afterwards. Any suggestions?

It sounds to me like OPs DD has managed it very well without her mum going round so far and that's to be encouraged. Managing situations well like this is going to be more and more of a skill that her DD will need to develop as her social activities widen. She's sought advice from her mum and got a sense check off her. And she's found a solution that she's fairly happy with plus the parent says they're not happy either (and they'll probably not start watching the film yet - these things tend to go on with shrieking and giggling til the bloody wee small hours!).

On the basis of wanting DD to develop resilience etc, I'm not sure I would charge straight round tbh. I would offer the option for me to fabricate a reason she needs to come home so all the blame can lie with OP if needed but I don't think there's a need to send in the cavalry quite right, from what I've read so far.

Of course they shouldn't watch this film though, totally agree. And it's good OP that your DD knows her own mind - good for her.

Thanks for all the support! And kind comments about DD. I've emailed the mum and DD is very clear she will go to another room if it goes ahead. She sounds pretty calm and ok.

X-post @Cel982!!

I'm really shocked that anyone would think it ok for 13 year olds to watch 18's, especially this shit. I recall watching Hostel in my early 20s and it scared the absolute shit out of me. Every now and then I still get nightmares about it....a decade later!

How sad that 13 year olds can't just be 13 year olds. I was watching Romeo and Juliet and Titanic at that age. When I was 14 I snuck into the cinema to see a 15 and when I was 15 I watched Con Air at a sleepover but I slept through most of it.

I know it's social suicide but just get her and make up and excuse. Plans have changed for the weekend and you're really sorry but you're leaving at 6am and thought it easier to get her now or some such. God she'd be scared.

This happened with my daughter at a sleep over. She plucked up the courage and said she couldn't watch the horror film and turned out another girl then said the same. They put 2 films on in different rooms and she watched something like finding nemo whilst the others watched the horror film.
Other than that she could fake feeling sick or you phone and say she has to come home as you are setting off early tomorrow to visit relatives or something.
I found my daughter stopped going to these kind of sleepovers as they got little sleep and we're like zombies all the following day. The weekend was wasted and they were back in school the next day.
Hope your daughter manages to sort something.

I wouldn't have a problem and was watching horrors from a young age, but clearly your dd doesn't want to.
I’d pick her up. Don't tell the parents as her friends may take the mick or not invite her over again.

That poor little girl! I had never heard of Jigsaw but googled it and it is horrific! I would not dream of watching it myself, let alone a 13 year old! Get DD out of there under any pretext.

So the mum wasn't worried about them watching these films? Just said it's ok cos your daughter will be in another room? What about the rest of the kids and their parents who may not know? What a dick.

If I went to someone’s house and they were watching films like that, I would have to go and sit in another room and I am way older than 13!

There must be some really cool parents on here who think it is suitable to let a group of 13yos watch 18 rated films. There is no way that I would let that happen in my house, and I would always check with parents re 12/15 films if children on the cusp of that age.

No Nuno the mum hasn't replied yet. That's just what DD and I have agreed in case it goes ahead

YANBU! I bloody loathe horror films and I'm 40!

I don't like blood, guts and gore - never have. Even just reading the plots of some of them makes me feel ill and quite disturbed.

Thrillers are fine - don't mind a bit if suspense and fright, but so many horror films are really awful torture porn features which I find utterly horrific as a concept.

That’s what my dd did at that age, @Summertime2. She was at a sleepover where the Dad and his GF were very laid back and the other girls all wanted to watch a 15 horror film. Cue lots of anxious texts.

I suggested dd felt a “migraine coming on” (she does suffer from them) and I’d go and fetch her but in the end she and another anti-horror friend watched High School Musical in another room.

All good but she will have to be firm with the other girls if they decide they want to talk in depth about the film at bedtime.

FWIW I would never have let them watch an 18 film at my house. Ridiculous. You can’t unsee stuff.

Even if I was ok with it (which I wouldn't be, but even if I was, like I would be ok with my 13 year old watching a 15) I wouldn't let the group do it because I wouldn't ever assume that other parents would be ok with it!

When I was about 11 this girl had a sleep over. There were huge promises of really good horror films (this was the 1990's). I went expecting to watch Amytiville and Hellraiser. Got there and she only had Mary Poppins and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. It was all one big lie!

Lol I was wondering if it might be that kind of scenario too, whasoaw! I vividly remember my first "bottle party" where we'd all gone to great lengths to get our bottles of booze and turned up all set for a night of debauchery .. and then as we went through the door one by one the girl's parents took our bottles off us. No mucking around, just "where's your booze, hand it over and into the front room you go". We ended up having a great time high on spar cola wigging out to Whitney Houston!

I enjoy those films but I'm a grown adult! 13 is def too imo

I'd have collected mine if they asked, but neither of them would have bothered making up a story.

Given the Dad knows they’re contemplating watching it and DD doesn’t want to (understandably) hopefully he’s said his bit and his DD will find a ‘cool’ way to change what they’re watching without losing face, but he will step in if she doesn’t. Mum too if she gets the email in time. Can you text/message her as well?

If I knew about it, I wouldn’t let visiting children watch an R18, but given the access to films etc online, I think it’s unreasonable unreasonable to expect other parents to know what they’re watching and as such I wouldn’t be angry about it at all.

DC(13) won’t even watch Scream even though it’s her best friends favourite movie and a good percentage of their year group love it. She’d be in another room for sure if they were watching Saw. She’s a quiet wee thing, so other than saying she’d rather watch X, she wouldn’t say anything, but she wouldn’t just sit & watch it. She knows I’d pick her up if she wanted me to, but she’d want want to stay for the sleepover & just mess around on her phone while the other watch the film. MInd you, as quiet as she is, she’d tell them to shut up if they were going on about it afterwards 😂🤣

Had a reply, parents are aware and on the case. Phew!

That's a shame. I wouldn't be happy with my 13 yr old watching that!l even if she thought she was.

Do you have the parents number I would maybe call or txt them and ask about the films. Surely they would be discrete enough to go oh no u can't watch saw coz X mum called to say no.

Ive stopped watching horror films coz they scare me so much so so wouldn't watch half of them! They scare me so much that I hate getting up in the night for the toilet or a drink so can only imagine how a 13 yr old would be after.

We used to do two rooms two films with my group of friends. I could never watch the horrors now that I watched back then, even Scream would give me anxiety now but I lapped them up at 11 and 12!

Good on your DD for reaching out to you and standing her ground!

Go get her. I went on a sleepover when I was about 8 and my friends older brothers made us watch all the Freddy Kruger films. I don't remember them but it still freaks me out now. Go get her.

They're shit films, all gore and no proper story. Pure torture porn. You've got to be a right weirdo to enjoy that.

There is a story line that connects all the films, and some of us enjoy them. I’m not a weirdo, I’m trusted with 25 kids everyday and do a lot of charity work.
Maybe don’t use sweeping statements for people you don’t know.

I used to take my eyes out of focus at sleepovers with horrors in my teens. I was present for Evil Dead and Nightmare on Elm Street, heard the audio, saw blurry blobs, and kept face with my friends. Did anyone else do this?

I have a 13 yo dd and would go mad if she was made to watch a horror film. I can't watch anything remotely scary even now and agree you can't un see stuff.