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Original poster

Please help - DD at sleepover and horror movies being suggested

119 replies

Summertime2 · 01/03/2019 18:11

DD 13 is at a sleepover with 10 girls and they want to watch Jigsaw or Saw - both 18 rated. She really doesn't and has made other suggestions eg Sixth Sense but no buy in. I don't want to go and collect her but don't know what else to suggest. These movies sound dreadful! And I'm concerned she will be terrified afterwards. Any suggestions?

OP posts:
Peachesandcream15 · 01/03/2019 18:56

This used to happen to me all the time when I was younger. I hate horror films. I used to go in a different room ( a friend once sat with me and we just chatted), or listened to music on my Walkman(!), That sort of thing. It's only 90 mins or so and then she can join in the sleepover again.

BertrandRussell · 01/03/2019 18:57

What does she want to happen?

Seaweed42 · 01/03/2019 18:57

Good on her that she will go to another room while its on. She may well find others will join her.
Sounds like she is coping fine with it, but just needs the security of the texting to you for the tricky bits.
I really wouldn't go and get her unless she asks for that. If she has earphones and her phone she can watch something else on her phone and listen to music anyway.

blue25 · 01/03/2019 18:58

I used to watch these kind of horrors at sleepovers from 12 onwards. It didn't do me any harm and I still love them. Did you think they'd be watching Harry Potter?

Teateaandmoretea · 01/03/2019 18:59

Thats lovely blue but you are one person.

userlotsanumbers · 01/03/2019 18:59

Fuck social suicide, really. Just go and pick her up - why do we insist on forcing scared children to accept this sort of pressure? To keep up with the Joneses or w/e the teenage equivalent is, really, protect your kids from this insidious nastiness - it's your job to parent, so parent!

TidyDancer · 01/03/2019 19:00

I would've coped with this at that age but not all children would and it's obvious the OP's DD doesn't want to watch it. I would avoid going to get her unless she expressly asks you to go, sounds like the dad has a handle on it.

TheInvestigator · 01/03/2019 19:00

@blue25

You didn't mind because you enjoyed them. This girl doesn't and does not want to be forced to watch a film with grotesque torture and she shouldn't be in that position in the first place because when those parents agreed to host underage children in their home they took on the responsibility of safeguarding them. An 18 torture movie is something she should be protected from if she is obviously uncomfortable with it.

incognitoh · 01/03/2019 19:01

I really feel for her - I remember this happening at sleepovers when I was around the same age and i hated it but was too embarrassed to say I didn't want to watch and too scared to tell my (strict) parents. I remember watching The Omen and feeling physically sick with fear.
I would offer to find an excuse to pick her up before the film. She may take it, but if she doesn't she knows it's there as an option in the future. I wish I could have been as open with my parents

Shellery · 01/03/2019 19:01

13's too young for those films. Can you not speak to the dad again and ask him if he's put something different on? But it depends if he'll be supervising later on too (in case they still go on to those films then).

Wait and see what other info you get from either your DD or the dad and then basically if it gets put on, tell your DD to say she isn't feeling well and collect her. Hopefully there won't be the need if the dad steps in. Tell your DD to keep you up to date. Even right from the start they aren't nice.

Pinkyyy · 01/03/2019 19:02

Your poor DD, it must be so hard on her. But good on her for doing what's right.

SparkiePolastri · 01/03/2019 19:03

@blue25 - why would it be a choice between Harry Potter and torture porn?

You watched porn aged 12, did you?

WaddesdonWanderer · 01/03/2019 19:03

Ooh blue you were cool weren’t you? My DD 13 is going with friends to watch the Lego movie tomorrow!

WaddesdonWanderer · 01/03/2019 19:05

Wtf are the parents thinking of?

Shellery · 01/03/2019 19:06

Also if the films get put on, it's not a weakness to leave/for you to collect her. You're teaching her that you support her choices, that she can rely on you and that she doesn't have to go along with the crowd if it doesn't feel right/makes her feel uncomfortable. Good for her for already saying she didn't want to and suggest an alternative to them, then having the good sense to call you. She sounds great.

sakura06 · 01/03/2019 19:06

I wouldn't want to watch either of those films now! Bless her. I think going in another room is a good idea.

WaddesdonWanderer · 01/03/2019 19:06

You could anonymously tip off the girl’s parents using another family member’s phone!

Ratbagcatbag · 01/03/2019 19:08

Saw is awful. I watched it and it still makes me feel a bit off years and years later.
I hate horrors with a passion and would never watch one now.

I'd go and collect her if you feel she's being pushed into it.

64sNewName · 01/03/2019 19:12

I watched two horror films at my slightly older neighbour’s (daytime) party when I was about 12 - The Evil Dead and Nightmare on Elm Street. I found them pretty disturbing and wished I hadn’t seen them.

Sometimes even if you want to watch something out of curiousity, you later regret it or find you can’t get certain images or upsetting ideas out of your head. They can become intrusive thoughts.

CharlesChickens · 01/03/2019 19:13

I would never let a group of 13 year olds in my care watch an 18 film. I always tell parents if the girls want to watch anything of an older age rating, so 15 now, 12 when they were smaller. I let the dds watch some 15 stuff if it is rated due to swearing etc, but not violence, or sexual abuse.

bellinisurge · 01/03/2019 19:14

They are rated that way for a reason. Bullying a child into watching something that is utterly inappropriate for her age raises a few red flags for me.

BusySnipingOnCallOfDuty · 01/03/2019 19:16

Your call, ultimately.

We watched films like Scream, Twister, Gremlins i think. Those were quits tame compared to Saw etc

Dvg · 01/03/2019 19:16

I know it may seem fun to watch horror films at a sleepover to some children but the fact is .. not everyone wants to watch people getting brutally murdered even in film.

I used to love horrors but now i hate them as just find them horrible to think about and not sure how i could have ever found it "entertaining"

Yabbers · 01/03/2019 19:19

Why aren’t the parents monitoring what they are watching? How do 13 year olds have access to those movies? There will be others in the group who don’t want to speak up and will be glad that your DD did. 13 is a great age to let your daughter know it is absolutely OK to stand up and say no. If they tease her for it they aren’t friends.

Cel982 · 01/03/2019 19:20

Your daughter actually sounds brilliantly sensible and mature, OP.

She spoke up against the consensus about the movie choice.

She told you about it and looked for support and an escape route if she turned out to need it.

She made an alternative plan for what she'd do during the film and told her friends about it, potentially risking a bit of ridicule.

She's coping really well. Of course pick her up if she wants you to, but it sounds like she's doing fine. Hopefully the other parents will do their bloody job step in and insist on something more age-appropriate.