Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

Lie for ds

111 replies

Worzilgummidge · 01/03/2019 15:44

Ds went along with a few of his mates today during lunch break from college to book a holiday however they ended up in there ages and ds didn't make his next lesson. He emailed his tutor shortly before lesson was due to say he wasn't well and wouldn't be back and that he had asked me to collect him. His tutor isn't happy and knows he went to book a holiday and is saying she is gonna speak to me so now ds is pleading with me to back up his story as he is worried he will get kicked off the course. Would you lie for him.

OP posts:

Shellery · 01/03/2019 16:19

Redtartanshoes makes a good point: "Book a holiday?? In an actual shop? Is it 1995? confused".

OP what group of 18yo into a holiday shopt these days (are there that many bricks and mortar holiday shops left?!) to book a holiday when he could have done it in 5 seconds online?

Limensoda · 01/03/2019 16:19

He's an adult. He creates shit, he sorts out the shit.
He should admit that he lied and apologise. He's a cheeky sod to even involve you.

CountessVonBoobs · 01/03/2019 16:22

My mum lied for me and, harsh as it sounds, I did think less of her for it.

I agree. I have my challenges in my relationship with my mother, but even as a small child I felt strong respect for her honesty and integrity. She would never, ever have lied for me and I would never have considered asking her to. I think showing your child you are prepared to lie for no other reason than to protect them from the consequences of their own idiocy is a shitty message to send and example to set.

Queenofthestress · 01/03/2019 16:22

@Shellery we have 4 of said shops in one shopping center

candlefloozy · 01/03/2019 16:24

Yes I'd lie. Having friends and social life are just as important as education. Fib for him

Limensoda · 01/03/2019 16:24

Yes it’s irresponsible but he’s 18, how many 18 year olds do you know that are responsible 100% of the time?

Well they are less likely to be responsible if they have a parent who has been daft enough to lie for them rather than face the consequences of their actions.
I think some parents are very confused about what their role actually is bringing up children?

AssassinatedBeauty · 01/03/2019 16:26

Whether or not it is right to lie for your child as and when they demand, the tutor already knows what happened! Lying to her is totally pointless.

LindaLyndell · 01/03/2019 16:28

Back him up, OP, he's only 18 once!! 🤷🏻‍♀️

BrokenWing · 01/03/2019 16:28

I think you need to speak to her and find out why she is calling you. If it's a one off she wouldn't be calling, I would be worried his attendance is becoming an issue and you don't know because he is lying to you too.

Mitzimaybe · 01/03/2019 16:29

I thought he was going to be 16 in year 12 but he is 18? No. No way. Do not lie for him. Refuse to get involved.

HollowTalk · 01/03/2019 16:34

[Hmm]

CountessVonBoobs · 01/03/2019 16:36

Playing it out a bit - he's going to be in full time employment soon, one way or the other. So you lie for him, and now he's in a job, dodges responsibility again and gets someone to lie for him, because basically he has learned that works. His boss, like the tutor, is not a fool and knows damn well he lied. Ping goes any trust between him and the employer, any chance of promotion or support, potentially disciplinary writeups and eventually the loss of said job etc. While he's in FT education is exactly the time to not protect him from the consequences of his actions because it's a lesson he needs to learn while the stakes are still lower. It'll cost him much more if he has to learn it later.

EmeraldShamrock · 01/03/2019 16:37

At 18 maybe is is testing his response by threatening to call you.
In these circumstances, I would lie for him but give him a lecture.

WaxOnFeckOff · 01/03/2019 16:38

Why are they involving you if he is 18? It's none of their business and surely they need his permission under DP to speak to you?

If she phones just tell her he's an adult and if he says he was sick then it's up to her to deal with him about it. And tell your DS not to implicate you in his lies. He could have simply told them he was ill and had gone home.

janetforpresident · 01/03/2019 16:42

As he's 18 I would just ignore her calls/emails but not actually back him up. She might well not contact you anyway.

They won't throw him off the course.

SoupDragon · 01/03/2019 16:44

Book a holiday?? In an actual shop?

Is it 1995?

I thought that. Yes, actual travel agents still exist but these are 18 year old boys! They are permanently connected to the internet!

janetforpresident · 01/03/2019 16:44

surely they need his permission under DP to speak to you?
They will have all the relevant permissions. Education is up to 19 and teachers have responsibilities to keep parents in the loop in most cases. We still have parents evenings for 18 year old don't we?

Roussette · 01/03/2019 16:47

No, I would not. But my DCs wouldn't think of asking me because they know I wouldn't

I am in shock at the number of posters on this thread who would. What sort of message does that give to a DC?

Not a good one

youarenotkiddingme · 01/03/2019 16:48

I wouldn't back him up with a lie.

I'd encourage him to be honest. He thought he had time. Realised he was late - panicked and sent email to cover his arse.

Honesty is best. Because quite frankly as an adult I'd assume that would be enough time to book a holiday!

Fraying · 01/03/2019 16:49

I wouldn't lie for him. But I would ask the tutor to confirm why they were contacting you. If the tutor knows he is lying, they have no need to contact you. They just need to deal with him accordingly.
If they have concerns about his attitude/attendance and think a parent needs to be informed then I'd ask them to pop it in writing.

Original poster

Worzilgummidge · 01/03/2019 16:49

What's wrong with going into store.
I have seen plenty of people sitting in these places booking thier holidays come on now.

OP posts:

FrozenMargarita17 · 01/03/2019 16:50

I would speak to the tutor and tell her that he made a stupid mistake and that he shouldn't have done it and that she's well within her rights to chuck him off this time or if she wants to give him another chance that would be great. I wouldn't lie at all. If she decides to Kick him off the course (which if it is the first time he's done this she probably won't) then it's his problem to deal with.

Roussette · 01/03/2019 16:51

Yes I'd lie. Having friends and social life are just as important as education. Fib for him

Good grief. Yeah just lie, fudge the truth, cover up for the precious 18 year old, why should they have to take responsibility for anything... poor things, they need Mummy to get them out of a mess so they can have the best social life

Playmytune · 01/03/2019 16:54

He got himself in this mess, so tell him to get out of it as well!

You say he is regarded as a good student, so he’s not going to be kicked off his course if he tells the truth and apologises!

However, if you lie for him and back him up, when she knows he had gone to book a holiday, how do you think both him and you will really come out of this in the tutors estimation??

Plus, what are you going to say, if she says another tutor saw him messing about with his mates after you had supposedly picked him up!

Neither of you are going to come out of this looking good, and he is far more likely to get kicked off his course, if you both continue with this lie!

WFTisgoingoninmyhead · 01/03/2019 16:56

I would most definitely back him to the hilt.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5