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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Lie for ds

111 replies

Worzilgummidge · 01/03/2019 15:44

Ds went along with a few of his mates today during lunch break from college to book a holiday however they ended up in there ages and ds didn't make his next lesson. He emailed his tutor shortly before lesson was due to say he wasn't well and wouldn't be back and that he had asked me to collect him. His tutor isn't happy and knows he went to book a holiday and is saying she is gonna speak to me so now ds is pleading with me to back up his story as he is worried he will get kicked off the course. Would you lie for him.

OP posts:
MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 01/03/2019 15:59

I would lie for him, it’s not like it’s a regular occurrence

It might well become a regular occurrence if he thinks he can just get Mummy to bail him out every time he gets into trouble.

Costacoffeeplease · 01/03/2019 16:00

Why on earth would you even consider it? He’s 18 not 8, let him sort his own shit out

Original poster
Worzilgummidge · 01/03/2019 16:00

She has tried to call but was ringing his dad's number

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 01/03/2019 16:00

Good students don’t skive off to book holidays.
I have never heard of any college that would throw a kid off the course for missing one session. I suspect there’s more to it than this and they could be looking for an excuse to get rid.

Sirzy · 01/03/2019 16:01

Also as the teacher knows what was really happening then pretending and backing him up isn’t going to make the teacher suddenly believe him! Just tell him to be honest and apologise. No need to make it an issue

MumUnderTheMoon · 01/03/2019 16:02

I like most of the pp feel like you shouldn't lie for him. You should tell him never to put you in that position again and to ring his tutor and tell the truth. If the Tudor does ring you just say "ds will be ringing you to talk I'm not getting in the middle of this". But is suspect you will lie for him and you just want as all to give you permission to.

IHaveBrilloHair · 01/03/2019 16:02

Yes, I would, but make it clear it's a one off.

wheelygo · 01/03/2019 16:03

But he’d have sorted his own shit out by telling the lie, it’s the teacher that’s involving his parent? If he’s 18 I don’t think they should be contacting you in the first place, and if you don’t want to get involved just say that he’s 18, and you don’t keep tabs on your adult child.

YouLikeTheBadOnesToo · 01/03/2019 16:04

I understand your desire to protect him, but you said it yourself, she KNOWS he went to book a holiday. If you do back him up she’s going to know you’re lying as well. You’re going to make yourself look silly.

Unless there’s a huge backstory of him misbehaving, he isn’t going to be kicked of the course for missing one lesson. Better he accepts the consequences, apologises and treats it as a lesson learned.

Redtartanshoes · 01/03/2019 16:07

Book a holiday?? In an actual shop?

Is it 1995? Confused

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 01/03/2019 16:11

But he’d have sorted his own shit out by telling the lie, it’s the teacher that’s involving his parent?

OP's DS involved her when he chose to use her as his alibi. Also, I'm not sure that lying to his tutor qualifies as "sorting his own shit out".

diddl · 01/03/2019 16:12

Why would you lie when the tutor already knows?Confused

wheelygo · 01/03/2019 16:14

Imagine phoning in sick to work, mentioning your parent was driving you to the hospital/picking up a prescription/doing something for you, and having your work phone your parent to confirm that was true?! That’s essentially what is happening.

BumbleBeee69 · 01/03/2019 16:15

They know he's lying, they will know you're lying. Hmm

feralfanny · 01/03/2019 16:15

Yes. In a heartbeat.
BUT I would tell him off for lying and make it clear I wouldn't be doing it again!!!

ChakiraChakra · 01/03/2019 16:15

Why would he get kicked off the choose for being late once??

Shellery · 01/03/2019 16:16

So although he's a good student (Attends all classes? Does coursework? Is polite? Punctual? Gets good marks?) he can literally be kicked off the course for pulling a sickie on one single occasion? I can't believe if he's that good a student they wouldn't issue him with some sort of warning rather than kicking him off. There must be more of a backstory?

Mmmmbrekkie · 01/03/2019 16:16

If he’s at risk of being chucked off the course because of this - then they don’t want him on the course for whatever reason. Persistent lateness? Poor attendance? Not up to it?

One off... I would 100% back off
A pattern of behaviour... no

MadameDD · 01/03/2019 16:16

I'm surprised he'd get booted off a course for booking a holiday in his lunch break if he's an otherwise good student.

No, I wouldn't lie for him. He's 18 and needs to face up to the consequences of his actions.

TheOrigFV45 · 01/03/2019 16:16

18? It seems a bit pitiful of an 18 year old to be begging for their Mum to lie for them. Absolutely not. There must be more to it then a single one late attendance if he's being threatened with being kicked off the course.

CountessVonBoobs · 01/03/2019 16:17

No. I would not lie for my child on principle unless it was needed to physically protect them from someone (e.g. an abusive partner) and there's absolutely no way I'd be lying to cover for him because he'd skived lessons and should have known better. They could have told the agent they needed to leave or walked out. They were not helpless little bunny wabbits caught in the headlights. Lying because "otherwise he'll get kicked out" blah blah blah does your child no favours. There are always negative consequences when you've lied or done something wrong. You're supposed to feel them. That's how you learn.

Also the tutor already knows he lied. All you would do by backing him up is demonstrate that you're a liar too and guarantee that the college will never believe a word either of you say in future.

Gone4Good · 01/03/2019 16:17

I wouldn't lie for my sons and they wouldn't ask me to.

wheelygo · 01/03/2019 16:18

If it’s was me I’d just say he was feeling ill after his holiday booking so yes, you went to pick him up. Yes it’s irresponsible but he’s 18, how many 18 year olds do you know that are responsible 100% of the time?

Thesearmsofmine · 01/03/2019 16:18

I think it is pretty clear that he is often missing lessons, if it was a one off he wouldn’t be worried about being kicked off the course!

vivideye · 01/03/2019 16:18

You can lie for him but he won't respect you as much again.

My mum lied for me and, harsh as it sounds, I did think less of her for it.