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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you cant "make DS gay"

127 replies

TwittleBee · 01/03/2019 12:00

I am still really pissed off from a conversation with DH this morning…

It all started because we were talking about things our parents done for us as kids, e.g. my mum put on a pamper evening and dad used to take us to Blockbusters once a month

Anyway DH then said he couldn’t wait for boys evening with DS (okay fair enough that is lovely, some quality DH and Ds time) but when I then said ooo yeah and we could have pamper evenings too (nothing wring with relaxing and taking care of yourself right?) DH then flipped and said I was determined to make our DS gay?!

Calmly I stated that you cant make someone gay and pointed out that nothing my parents done made me bi!

Anyway, I am sure you can imagine how the rest of the conversation went… not well… DH said I am introducing him to that world and pushing him in that direction already by letting him play with my make up whilst I get ready!

Anyway, DH is BU right? And even if DS did turn out gay then why should it even matter to DH! I am honestly feeling very shocked by DH reaction.

OP posts:
Bluetrews25 · 01/03/2019 12:56

Does he think the world is flat, too?
Tell him the 1950s are that way---->

Dvg · 01/03/2019 13:02

Does he not realize that men get facials too? and go to spa's to get a massage or a beard pamper or a facial or a pedicure/manicure? Its not just a woman's thing.. its a i want to look good thing In my last job all of my bosses used to go to the local spa to get the treatments and they always looked great, Clean nails and nicely trimmed facial hair/ good skin. Was just.. natural

MissionItsPossible · 01/03/2019 13:08

Surely

Loftyswops988 · 01/03/2019 13:09

your DH is a twat.

TheTurtleDidItAndRanAway · 01/03/2019 13:09

I find the idea of "pamper parties" weird for a child of any sex. It's not "taking care of themselves" learning to spend time on their appearance. And yes, face creams etc are for appearance, they aren't otherwise necessary. I'd far rather my children DO something, anything. Read, cluimb a tree, even play a video games that brings them some joy before they sit like a lemon for an hour covered in some crappy cream.

As for your Dh ask him why your bisexuality is OK but homosexuality isn't?

For my own amusement can you also ask your husband if he really has so little faith in his sexuality that he honestly thinks the only reason he doesn't suck cock is because he never wore a face pack?

KM99 · 01/03/2019 13:10

TwittleBee are you honestly telling us that your DH's attitude to homosexuality has only now reared its head? Didn't this type of thing come up when you were getting to know each other?

I've got nothing to add to PP comments on his bigotry and gross stupidity. But if I were you, I'd be having a serious talk with him about his attitude and beliefs.

YouBumder · 01/03/2019 13:11

Your DH is a prick.

Of course this won’t “make him gay” but even if it did so what, being gay is perfectly fine.

TheTurtleDidItAndRanAway · 01/03/2019 13:11

I think just like heterosexual relationships it's not just about the intercourse....what an extremely unenlightened thing to say.

Sexuality is integral to a hetero sexual relationship . It's right there in the name.

User10727292 · 01/03/2019 13:12

Your husband is a homophobe.

carrotflinger · 01/03/2019 13:15

Your husband is a knob.
Absolutely ridiculous.
What on earth is his problem?

I'd start trying to educate him now - what if your son is gay? That's going to be a nightmare for him with his Dad's attitude.

earlyrisingcat · 01/03/2019 13:16

Daft. Having a pamper evening for boys, isn't going to make them GAY, any more than buying a girl a box of lego or a toy car will make her a lesbian. What rot. He needs to get a grip, and grow up!

earlyrisingcat · 01/03/2019 13:16

And as has been said, there's nothing wrong with being gay anyway! Hmm

howwillwedeal · 01/03/2019 13:16

I'd start trying to educate him now - what if your son is gay? That's going to be a nightmare for him with his Dad's attitude.

He will blame OP for "making" him that way...

JustDanceAddict · 01/03/2019 13:19

My dh likes a nice spa break - he is not gay!! He’s even had a facial.

What a crappy attitude though, you def can’t make a person gay, same as you can’t make them straight!!

I wouldn’t say my DC’s are very gender conforming in terms of what they like but they say they are straight - they both have gay friends.

Jamiefraserskilt · 01/03/2019 13:19

I had a face pack evening with my boys as they are teens and their skin was doing teen things..... uh oh, I may have made them gay!

Fresta · 01/03/2019 13:19

Pamper sessions won't make your DS gay. But I'd question why you would expect a young child to enjoy a pamper evening. What would you do with what sounds like a toddler and on a pamper session?

LadyPeach · 01/03/2019 13:20

I paint my 4yo DSs toenails so they are "pretty like mummy's"

My partner ordered him some glitter to make them more unicorn next time.

Guess what. The kids happy. We're happy. With or without sparkly twinkle toes.

Slowknitter · 01/03/2019 13:22

Your husband is clearly thick as mince.

CantStopMeNow · 01/03/2019 13:29

In my opinion to 'pamper' oneself is essentially self-care - and that is not gender/sex specific.
I think it's a brilliant idea to introduce kids to self care routines whilst young so they can develop healthy self awareness and taking care of themselves become second nature.
All the males i know practice at least the basics - moisturise, take care of their skin (facials, face packs), trim their finger and toe nails, go for relaxation massages etc.

Also in terms of mental health, even during mild episodes of anxiety/depression etc self care suffers and we have to make a conscious effort to get out basic routines back.

Your dh is being a dick....i'd be making sure i organised regular monthly pamper evenings with dc and enjoying them to the max.

stairway · 01/03/2019 13:33

I think it’s unlikely homosexuality is 100 percent genetic. Like many human traits it’s probably a combination of environment and genetics otherwise you would see identical twins always having the same sexuality which they don’t. What causes homosexuality hasn’t been proven although I believe Freud was on to something.

SnowyAlpsandPeaks · 01/03/2019 13:37

My ds’s are 14 & 19. Had dolls and prams, kitchen sets etc when little. Loved painting my nails, putting make up on me and doing my hair. They wear face packs, have different moisturisers etc for their skin.

The eldest has a girlfriend of 5 years, and the youngest 🤷🏻‍♀️ as far as I know is straight, but who knows. You don’t ‘make’ someone gay. They are who they are. All I care about is that they are happy, regardlesss of the gender of their partners.

My exdp used to make jokes about people who were gay, things like, if someone was on tv, he’d say ‘100% he’s definitely gay the way he is talking’. I always used to shut him down. The one day I said ‘what would you say then if ds said he was gay?’ He replied ‘nothing, I’d hug him and tell him I’ll always be proud of him, no matter what his sexuality’. So I explained that I’d that was his feelings, he needed to stop making jokes, even if it was only in jest, because if we did have a son who was gay, that those comments could effect the way he thought he may react’. He got the point then.

Your dp is a jerk, sorry🤷🏻‍♀️

AcrossthePond55 · 01/03/2019 13:40

Tell your DH (ignorant git) that he doesn't need to worry. If your son 'catches the gay' from a pamper evening you'll be able to cure him by 'praying the gay away'.

CantStopMeNow · 01/03/2019 13:49

I think it’s unlikely homosexuality is 100 percent genetic
Hmm Hmm

Right.....so i take it you believe in 'conversion therapy' and think homosexuality is something that can be 'cured'?

LimeKiwi · 01/03/2019 13:51

@Can'tStopMeNow I wrote a reply to that comment and deleted myself before I pressed post as there really was no words and I went with a hard eye roll to myself instead lol Grin

stairway · 01/03/2019 13:51

nope conversion therapy has never been proven to work.