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Original poster

To think you cant "make DS gay"

127 replies

TwittleBee · 01/03/2019 12:00

I am still really pissed off from a conversation with DH this morning…

It all started because we were talking about things our parents done for us as kids, e.g. my mum put on a pamper evening and dad used to take us to Blockbusters once a month

Anyway DH then said he couldn’t wait for boys evening with DS (okay fair enough that is lovely, some quality DH and Ds time) but when I then said ooo yeah and we could have pamper evenings too (nothing wring with relaxing and taking care of yourself right?) DH then flipped and said I was determined to make our DS gay?!

Calmly I stated that you cant make someone gay and pointed out that nothing my parents done made me bi!

Anyway, I am sure you can imagine how the rest of the conversation went… not well… DH said I am introducing him to that world and pushing him in that direction already by letting him play with my make up whilst I get ready!

Anyway, DH is BU right? And even if DS did turn out gay then why should it even matter to DH! I am honestly feeling very shocked by DH reaction.

OP posts:
StinkyCandle · 01/03/2019 12:26

His attitude would certainly be indicative of how he might react if your son does turn out to be gay. It is something to consider

and do what about it? The child is already there, so what do you suggest?

PlinkPlink · 01/03/2019 12:26

My nephews loved a bit of make up and moisturiser. They also loved having their nails painted. Neither are gay as of yet.

I highly doubt those things would make them gay. I don't think It works that way.

DS loves playing with my eyebrow kit, and blusher kit. He also likes pink when he gets to see it - there's not very much in the house apart from my stuff.

DS also has a purple pram. I thought purple was quite a neutral colour tbh but I'm sure that we'll get plenty of comments over the coming month.

Give DH's head a wobble and tell him to grow up. Enjoy your pampering!

whiteroseredrose · 01/03/2019 12:29

It's not whether it's going to 'make him gay'. Does your DS actually want to do pampering? My DD loves all that crap. DS and myself hate it. If we were pampering he'd sneak off to his room.

TFBundy · 01/03/2019 12:31

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Spiderbanana · 01/03/2019 12:32

His attitude would certainly be indicative of how he might react if your son does turn out to be gay. It is something to consider

and do what about it? The child is already there, so what do you suggest?

Personally speaking? I would start trying to educate my husband now so that when our son was older he would understand that there is nothing wrong with being gay and that nothing I had done as a parent would have made him gay.

If that failed, I would think about whether I would want to stay married to a homophobe. It would be a dealbreaker for me but each to their own

DauntlessFaction · 01/03/2019 12:32

How old is your son? It's probably best to just wait and see what he likes. I have a boy and a girl, both would hate pamper evenings. My daughter is just as likely to sit and watch the football with us as our son is.

Obviously your husbsnds comment about making your son gay is ridiculous.

Helmetbymidnight · 01/03/2019 12:33

How can you stand being with men that thick?

Genuine question.

IM0GEN · 01/03/2019 12:35

I’ve never done “pampering “ and I’m still a straight woman.

FizzyGreenWater · 01/03/2019 12:35

Time for a very big sit down conversation with your DH to explain what he needs to do in order to not end up divorced on account of being a thick bigot.

MamaLovesMango · 01/03/2019 12:36

Well now you know you’ve married a homophobe and a misogynist. I’d be pretty gutted if I were in your shoes.

contrary13 · 01/03/2019 12:37

Your DH sounds like my ex. And believe me... that's not a compliment.

When DS (14) was a toddler, he liked to wear (children's) nail polish - because I and his older sister wore it, too. He liked the pretty colours, and actually? It encouraged him not to bite his nails, so everyone was happy.

Everyone except my ex and his parents, that is.

They accused me of trying to make DS "queer" (direct quote). I said, quite simply, that if they believed that? They were deluded. A person, as far as I'm aware, is born with their sexual orientation already hard-wired into their system. My grandmother was a lesbian, and raised 3 boys with her life-partner... not one of whom turned out to be homosexual, despite my grandmother allowing them to play with her make-up and perfume as children. My father was a soldier, and his brothers went into the stereotypically male world of finance.

Warn your DH, that if he persists in gender-stereotyping, not only could he end up in trouble legally (all it would take these days is for someone to overhear his comments, I'm afraid), but in actually alienating his own son, irrespective of their sexual orientation. My son? Is straight, in so far as he's got a girlfriend, but loathes the narrowminded bigotry of his father's family to the point where he's starting to refuse to spend time with them.

All because he liked to wear children's nail polish 10 years ago...

Tighnabruaich · 01/03/2019 12:39

My 6' 2", rugby playing, very straight husband, takes great care of himself, eyebrow threading, back waxing, moisturises morning and night ... absolutely nothing like that could turn him gay. He has plenty of gay male friends too, and that's not turned him either! If you were able to turn straight people gay, then you'd be able to turn gay people straight. It's nonsense. To misquote the song 'you are, what you are'.

MissionItsPossible · 01/03/2019 12:39

Your husband sounds like a twat.

Maybe show him this thread so he can read how stupid everyone thinks he is for himself?

SneakyGremlins · 01/03/2019 12:42

If you could turn straight guys gay I'd be THRILLED. Sadly, you can't Sad

TheresACatInMyLaundryBasket · 01/03/2019 12:42

Your husband, on this point, is an idiot.
I bet he wouldn't let your son play with a doll, either, am I right?

Vixxxy · 01/03/2019 12:44

Oh honestly, of course you cannot make someone gay. People just are gay, or are not.

PippilottaLongstocking · 01/03/2019 12:46

Had a similar comment from my partners father when I put the baby in a rainbow striped bib! Particularly awful since one of his own two sons is gay. I just rolled my eyes and ignored him (mostly because I was too angry to come up with a witty comeback)

clairemcnam · 01/03/2019 12:46

Does it matter of you what did with your DS made your son gay? Your DH by his words is showing that he thinks being gay is at best second best, something to be avoided.

howwillwedeal · 01/03/2019 12:47

What a thick stupid ignorant pathetic comment!

I could not be with someone that fucking thick!

Oh, and so what if your DS is gay?

anniehm · 01/03/2019 12:48

You can't make people gay (or stop them). My brother is the "straightest" person you could meet, Bret drinking, loves football etc - he's gay, my dh loves fizzy wine, musicals and a trip to the spa, he's straight!

diddl · 01/03/2019 12:49

"Anyway, DH is BU right? "

Of course he is-you don't think that there is anything at all in what he's saying, do you?

(just be aware that not everyone would be thrilled at pamper evenings!Grin)

littlemeitslyn · 01/03/2019 12:49

Velvet charming way to phrase things

Tinty · 01/03/2019 12:52

Two really nice guys (who happened to be gay), moved in across the road from MIL and SIL and her DS10.

SIL gets on really well with the guys, MIL clutched her pearls so tight I thought she was going to snap them. Grin Apparently she was worried DS10 might catch The Gay, by having Gay Neighbours.

PrincessButtockUp · 01/03/2019 12:52

Ugh, I'm annoyed on your behalf.

Pamper sessions can't turn someone gay.
Being gay isn't somehow lesser than being straight.
If your son turns out to be gay, will your husband blame you? Punish you? Does he need to be told acceptable boundaries on this subject?
Is he like this about gay people generally?
What does it matter to him? If he think his friends will judge him, he needs better friends.

howwillwedeal · 01/03/2019 12:55

When are people going to realise that dolls and makeup don’t make boys want willies up their arses?!

I think just like heterosexual relationships it's not just about the intercourse....what an extremely unenlightened thing to say.