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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To teach DC my language?

88 replies

Bluebele · 01/03/2019 10:07

I'm from Poland but I moved to england when I was about 9 and I'm now 28. I often speak to DS in Polish and DH is being very funny about it. He's only 6 months old at the moment but DH is insisting it will confuse him in the future and may put him behind on learning to speak english so he should learn polish when he's older if he wants to. Surely it would be so much easier to learn both from a very young age. It would also be nice because a lot of my family don't speak english or only know a small amount, it would be lovely if he could speak to them.

OP posts:

Nnnnnineteen · 01/03/2019 10:09

It will not confuse him and would be extremely beneficial on many levels.

MatildaTheCat · 01/03/2019 10:10

100% donit from the start. I believe the evidence is that some children will speak a little later but catch up and having 2 languages is way better than one. But you have to be consistent and do it a lot.

I have three brothers all married to women from other countries. All the children do speak their mothers language but with varying degrees and non are bilingual.

havingtochangeusernameagain · 01/03/2019 10:10

There are lots of books about bilingual upbringings and the key findings are that there is a bit of confusion but kids grow out of it and it is pretty much 100% positive to bring them up bilingually. Polish is a difficult language, it would be great for your kids to learn it without having to make an effort! Tell your DP to read some books on bilingualism and carry on doing what you are doing!

Also, why is his culture more important that yours?

SleepingStandingUp · 01/03/2019 10:11

I only speak one language so o direct experience but I have a few German friends who speak to their kids in German and English. One lives here, one lives there. They figure our surprisingly easily how to divide it. So English Grandad has a car and German Grandad has an Auto.

I think it would be amazing to have two languages before you're even in proper school

IWouldPreferNotTo · 01/03/2019 10:12

My partner speaks Polish to our baby and I'm just going to have to learn. His grandparents don't speak English so he's going to have to learn Polish to talk to them.

I've been looking at bi-lingual baby books as one option.

PippilottaLongstocking · 01/03/2019 10:14

Much easier to learn two languages from the start than one first then one later.

MyBreadIsEggy · 01/03/2019 10:15

I’m half Polish, my DH is Thai. We both speak English to them, I speak Polish to them and DH speaks Thai to them - they just go with whatever language comes out at any particular time! They seem to be aware though that Dad doesnt understand much Polish and I don’t understand much Thai, so usually speak English if we are all in a room together.
My youngest is only 2, and goes through phases of refusing to speak English at all and will only speak Polish to everyone, including friends who have literally no idea what he is saying, but he doesn’t seem to care
From what I understand, it is easier to learn and retain another language when it’s learnt from a very young age. We’ve just always spoken our mother tongues to our children so they’ve always heard it. It’s also quite nice when visiting Grandparents. My mum speaks Polish as her native language, and my dad can understand enough for a basic conversation, so it’s lovely for my mum to be able to speak to the DCs in Polish.
DH’s mum speaks limited English, so will often revert to speaking Thai if she struggling to find the right English words, and its great that our DCs can still understand her regardless of the language

CheerfulMuddler · 01/03/2019 10:17

It may put him behind a bit, but so what? He'll catch up and then he'll know two languages. What a brilliant gift for any child. YANBU.

terriblyoriginalusername · 01/03/2019 10:19

YADNBU. There is actually a lot of evidence that being bilingual is beneficial to children. Can't point you to any off the top of my head but maybe do a quick Google and see if you can find something to support your argument to DH.
It is also important that he can talk to your family.
Now for my anecdata - DS is 4 and fluent in two languages and understands a fair bit of a third. He did go through a phase where he mixed them up a lot which was pretty hilarious actually! But I'd say from about age 3 he could speak both of them equally well and switch fluently from one to the other depending who he is talking to.
There is literally no downside to a child learning two languages from birth!

pompomcat · 01/03/2019 10:22

Congratulations on your baby, @Bluebele!
My DH's first language is not English and we are committed to speaking to our LO (when they arrive!) in both languages, as it will be much easier for them to learn when they are little rather than later on. I think it's great to speak more than one language and great for someone's development. I dont think it will have an impact on their ability to learn or speak English as they will learn so quickly when playing with others/go to school.

The only thing is that it can be quite difficult for the non-bilingual partner (me, your DH) if people are speaking in a language that you don't understand, you can end up feeling very left out even if the conversation is about very trivial things, so I would be sensitive to his feelings on this. My PILs only speak their language even though they have lived in the UK for 20 years and can speak English, which is rude and can leave me feeling very resentful. When it is just the three of you at home, I guess you should all speak in English? I have also committed to learning some of my DH's language as well, would your husband be willing to learn a bit of Polish too?

Lemoncakestrudel · 01/03/2019 10:23

I’m a bit worried why your partner does not want you to soeak to your child in your language. All the multi lingusl children I’ve met have been fine.

I gave difficulty in which language and I only started learning french and german smat secondary. If you are going to get confused you ate going to get confused .

Luxembourgmama · 01/03/2019 10:23

No question DEFINITELY do it's such a gift to be bilingual

Pishogue · 01/03/2019 10:24

I’m a bit worried why your partner does not want you to speak to your child in your language.

Yes, this. It's an astonishing benefit to any child to grow up knowing more than one language.

SerenDippitty · 01/03/2019 10:25

Do it. My DN is being brought up trilingual - Welsh, English and mother’s mother tongue. 9 now and no development issues.

Chamomileteaplease · 01/03/2019 10:25

As others have explained, it is much better to do it from an early age. Do it!

Ask your husband to read a bit about bilingualism because he is worrying unnecessarily and is rather ignorant.

Sexnotgender · 01/03/2019 10:25

Definitely teach them polish! It’s a huge gift to be multi lingual and down the line apparently makes learning further languages easier.

My husband will be teaching our son Afrikaans.

Disfordarkchocolate · 01/03/2019 10:28

I used to know a boy who spoke Italian to one parent, German to the other parent and fluent English. They had also all learned French as his aunt lived there. He was a very bright boy and it was amazing to listen too, it will be an advantage when he is an adult. Speak Polish to your baby, he will be fine and much more able to bond with your family.

Missnearlyvintage · 01/03/2019 10:28

If anything I think it would be beneficial for him to learn Polish as he grows up as well as English.

My friend at secondary school was half German, but did not learn to be fluent in German when she was young. She was very frustrated by this in her teens and made the effort to learn then so that she could communicate in German exclusively with her relatives if she wanted to, (some spoke English but not all). She thought it would've been much easier for her to learn if she had done when she was much younger. She also felt a feeling of belonging when she had learnt German as she knew that that was a large part of her heritage.

Is your DH fluent in Polish?

YetAnotherSpartacus · 01/03/2019 10:30

As a child, I kind of knew my father spoke a different language, but I never thought much of it and he never spoke it. As a grown-up, a few events alerted me to the fact that he spoke 4 languages - English, Latin and two others (that did not have Latin script). I was so sad to have been denied the opportunity to learn one of his 'home country' languages.

MoominMamaBear · 01/03/2019 10:40

Absolutely you should speak to your baby in Polish! It will not delay or confuse your child to be exposed to two languages, they learn exceptionally quickly how to separate them. My DH is Albanian and hasn’t been great at speaking to my boys in Albanian all the time, so as a result my eldest isn’t fluent, as I had hoped he would be.

Jackshouse · 01/03/2019 10:43

Your DH is speaking bollocks. Sometimes bilingual children can appear to be behind in language developmental at an early age if they are assessed in only one language. Research show that bilingual children have advanced language skills.

Confusedbeetle · 01/03/2019 10:45

It is so important that you do it

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 01/03/2019 10:52

I asked my health visitor (who used to be a speech therapist) about this as my husband is from another country and wants our children to speak his language as his relatives don't speak English

She said it was beneficial overall though can cause a slight delay. The delay doesn't have any lasting effects. They are better at the other language the younger they learn. The key though is consistency - if you're not consistent then there is more potential for confusion. For example speak Polish at home and English outside the home or speak Polish to him all the time (he will have enough English influences from father and friends and TV and nursery). She said if you swap between languages at random then it can be harder.

From your husbands point of view, it can be confusing in our house sometimes for example the eldest will ask me something and I'll agree and it turns out my husband has already said no or given a different answer in front of me, and I haven't understood. I can understand a bit but he tends to forget it's just a bit. Or he will disappear and not tell me they've gone out to the park as they've been discussing it in front of me in their language and I haven't taken it in. Or when they're laughing at something and he takes a while to get the joke. Maybe that's what he's worried about

I should make more of an effort to listen properly and understand what they are saying but (and he admits this) he could be better at translating

It would be a real shame to not give your child the opportunity to learn your language and have a relationship with your family

Just look at loads of cultures eg Asian who speak in their parents language at home and English outside the home and it hasn't held them back at all

pontiouspilates · 01/03/2019 10:53

Do it OP. There is lots of credible research on the benefits of bilingualism on brain development. Just make sure you don't 'switch' from one language to the other mid sentence as that is confusing.

wheelygo · 01/03/2019 10:58

Please do!
I was never taught my mothers language as a child and now I’m older and understand that I have a huge part of my family I can’t communicate with, I’m trying to learn and it’s hard! But I would say stick to speaking polish with him 100% and his father can speak in English 100%. My aunt did this with my cousins and they’re now completely fluent in English and their native language

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