To teach DC my language?

[Bluebele]

I'm from Poland but I moved to england when I was about 9 and I'm now 28. I often speak to DS in Polish and DH is being very funny about it. He's only 6 months old at the moment but DH is insisting it will confuse him in the future and may put him behind on learning to speak english so he should learn polish when he's older if he wants to. Surely it would be so much easier to learn both from a very young age. It would also be nice because a lot of my family don't speak english or only know a small amount, it would be lovely if he could speak to them.

The research on bilingualism has thrown up some interesting findings. Children brought up as bilingual from birth can have slightly delayed speech - although still within the neurotypical age range - but it is not confusion related. It is that they seperate out two languages and learn them seperately. In fact, bilingual children never confuse their two languages, will tend to form complete sentences in both from the outset, and are less likely to confuse languages in the future. Some other patterns we see in bilingual people:

• They have a smaller vocab (I think if I remember rightly around 10% less) in each of their languages than their monolingual peers of equal age but overall if you combine the vocab they obviously have a larger vocab than their peers.
• They tend to find it easier to switch between tasks. Not multitasking but stopping one thing and picking up another. This is because their brain has trained to switch efficiently between the two languages so they can apply that to other thinking tasks.
• Reduced risk of strokes, dementia and Alzheimer's.
• Improved focus/concentration times compared to that of peers.
• Obviously they find it easier to learn other languages later.
• Being multilingual/bilingual in any languages brings the benefits above. Even if it is a language that is not considered "top tier".
• Spelling in both languages can sometimes not be great.

OP sounds like your DH is being silly, and I'm being kind with my use of that word. If my DH even suggested I didn't speak my other language to our child I would tell him to sling his hook - in my other language, just to make the point. Luckily he 100% supports bilingualism even though he cannot speak/understand my other language. It is selfish to prevent a mother from bonding with her child (especially if it is a language you feel more comfortable in) and to prevent your child from benefitting from multiple languages acquisition. He needs to get over his own fragile ego. Or read the research. Preferrably both.

Another two benefits my DH just reminded me of:

• Bilinguals are generally better at pattern recognition - aural and visual.
• Bilinguals are generally more efficient at making connections between objects, events, thought processes, etc.

I cannot fathom why you wouldn't want to try your best as a parent to see if your child could benefit from some of this.

As for the question about communication in a family (sorry - can't remember poster's name) we translate for each other. We can pick up some words. Also maybe it is just a moment between two out of three people. I used to translate between my mum and dad at times. It teaches you so much about inclusivity and patience and understanding of differences, of culture etc.

I’ve known several bilingual families and the best way from my observation seems to be a each parent only using their language when talking to the child/ren and that way there is less confusion. It is such a benefit to know more than one language.

During christmas a lot of my family came over and most of them don't speak much english so he couldn't really communicate with them and admitted to finding it quite uncomfortable not understanding what was happening or what anyone was saying. Though I did try to include him. Perhaps he wouldn't want to feel like that at home in the future.

In which case, you need to point out how lovely it would be for your dc to be able to communicate with their relatives and not feel like he does.

@zwellers. My children are being raised bilingual. Couple of answers to your posts :

• For us the "conversation as a family thing" is not complicated because both parents are fluent in both languages. You actually get used to conversations where people are flipping between language one and language two depending on who they're talking to very quickly.

• My children have now started formal learning of their main language (French) and having a minority language has been vey helpful to them. Firstly because translating into english helps clear up various ambiguities in the main language (imagine an English speaking child trying to understand when to write "their" and when to write "they're" and how much easier this would be if they could just translate into their second language and immediately see the difference). Secondly because they are much more aware that language has a structure - because they have experience of how sentences are not constructed the same in English or in French.

To the OP - my experience of my children is that whilst they did go through a phase when they would use French words in English and vice versa, they were clearly aware of what they were doing. They would hit a word they didn't know in the language they were speaking, stop, cast around for the word, and end up using the word in the "wrong" language as a stop gap. TBH I also do this, but with technical or literary words that don't necessarily have an exact translation.

It ended long before they were in school anyway and they never did it with monolinguals.

Baby won't be confused, it's the best way to do it. I will speak Danish to our twins while my DP will speak English. They will be bilingual from the get go. This is how they learn fast.

It would be a pity if you didn't teach your DS Polish as it's his heritage.

Tell your DP to learn Polish too if he is afraid to feel left out during family events.

Your DH is actually bothered about the fact he can’t understand what you’re saying to your DC.

As everyone else has already said, you really should teach your DS Polish.

I can only repeat what others have already said, my DH comes from another country and he spoke entirely to our daughter in his language. She took a bit longer to start speaking but she is fluent in both languages.

If your DH claims that he can't learn another language then just show him this video from a Polish company. It even got a whole article in The Guardian about it:-

It’s not just a Christmas ad – it’s a Polish grandpa’s heartbreaking gift to Britain

The three-minute-long film, entitled Angielski, was made for Allegro, an online auction website in Poland, and tells the story of an elderly Polish man named Robert who is beginning to learn English. The camera accompanies him taking his first steps, trying to painfully learn the basics – “I am; you are; he/she is” – and peppering his house with Post-it notes to expand vocabulary beyond the rather unparliamentary phrases he learned from a TV action movie.

The unexpected plot twist comes when we finally learn the reason behind his determination to learn English. Spoiler alert: in the final scene, he flies off to Britain to spend Christmas with his son’s family, where in a truly tear-inducing moment he meets his granddaughter for the first time, telling her: “Hi. I am your grandpa.” By this point, we – the viewers – are all in tears, sobbing quietly, and cursing the scriptwriter for taking us on this unexpected emotional rollercoaster ride.

My DH grew up in UK and did not speak English at home and probably didn't learn much until he went to school. He now speaks English like a true south Londoner (and everyone is terribly disappointed that his accent is less exotic than his name!). He also speaks his mother tongue perfectly. (Unlike his brother who refused to engage)
My nephew is also bilingual and used to start sentences in one language and finish them in another (Aunty pebbles struggled a lot!). It's a total skill.

My Polish is very limited (I can greet people and order a meal), so know it’s a tricky language, but it’s an invaluable language because it’ll connect your children to both sides of their culture. My DH has been here 15 years and is losing his accent, last time we went home (because even though I’m Australian, it feels like my home now too) the locals thought he was an American with good Polish . A lot of our friends are in multi ethnic relationships, and they’re sharing their languages with their children. Two are tri-lingual with English, Polish and Mandarin, others are German and Polish, Polish and Japanese, French and English etc Seriously, please do teach your kids Polish - their connection to your family is just as important as their connection to your DPs family

@nickymanchester I love that ad, it makes my heart creak

@nickymanchester Just thinking about that advert makes me well up... It's so sweet!