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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To teach DC my language?

88 replies

Bluebele · 01/03/2019 10:07

I'm from Poland but I moved to england when I was about 9 and I'm now 28. I often speak to DS in Polish and DH is being very funny about it. He's only 6 months old at the moment but DH is insisting it will confuse him in the future and may put him behind on learning to speak english so he should learn polish when he's older if he wants to. Surely it would be so much easier to learn both from a very young age. It would also be nice because a lot of my family don't speak english or only know a small amount, it would be lovely if he could speak to them.

OP posts:

FizzyGreenWater · 01/03/2019 12:21

Your DH is entirely wrong and really misinformed and really not acting in your son's best interests here.

Your son will learn easily if you speak to him from babyhood, much harder later.

No it won't hold him back, in fact it will give him a big cognitive advantage.

If he has family who don't speak english, then he will also be cheated of a close relationship with them if your DH gets his way.

And all because his dad is insecure about it - how crap.

Speak to your son in Polish and google info on the benefits of being bilingual, and put your foot down with your DH.

Spiderbanana · 01/03/2019 12:22

It is a great chance for DH to learn it too. When you speak fluent English it can be really tough for you to try and teach him Polish but now you have am opportunity. We watch kids programmes in German with English subtitles. A lot of DVDs have these language options. He can learn with your son and it will help him integrate better with your family.

Stand your ground, but maybe you can bring DH into it too

CouldntThink · 01/03/2019 12:22

Please continue, being bilingual is such a gift. Wish I was.

bobstersmum · 01/03/2019 12:24

Definitely do it, it's wonderful to have another language and he will learn both very easily if done from so young, and, it's his heritage!

Brefugee · 01/03/2019 12:24

One thing you have to do with bilingual children though is lots and lots of reading - we read everything in English and national language, and it took a lot of time.
Also when they were about 3 or 4 they realised that the 2nd language made them different so refused to speak to me in English. The important thing is just to keep on going with the Polish.
Good luck!

makingmammaries · 01/03/2019 12:37

Totally do it, OP, and your DH needs to get over himself and learn at least a bit of Polish. Why should your children be deprived of half of their heritage?

ComeOnGordon · 01/03/2019 12:51

Another one saying just do it - its amazing for kids to be bilingual.
But....it’s not always easy. You have to be fairly stubborn with speaking your language. My ex found it difficult to speak his minority language when he was surrounded by English all day and there was so much English in the home.
A friend is Spanish speaking and her husband is German and they’re raising their son bilingually but he knows the mum speaks German so even if she spoke to him in Spanish he answered in German. She was getting frustrated but 2 months of the grandparents being there who know no German has made an amazing difference.

It’s worth all the effort you put in to it and will be such an asset to him as an adult

TheNoodlesIncident · 01/03/2019 13:00

When a person learns a second language as an older child, they use different parts of their brain in a different way from babies learning language for the first time. It's a big advantage to your baby to learn two languages at the same time, even if the baby seems slower to pick up language to outsiders at the time. But the baby is not slower, they're just formulating understanding of two discrete types of grammar, sentence structure, vocabulary, etc at the same time. It is amazing and if you choose not to do this, your child will not develop the same skills at language in later years: it really is a use it or lose it situation.

Your DH should really try to learn Polish too, then he won't feel excluded. It's not easy but it should be worthwhile making the effort.

CustardCreamLover · 01/03/2019 13:03

Do it! I'm the complete opposite. English with polish husband living in Poland. We have a 5 week old baby and speak English at home so that he will learn both languages. All his extended polish family don't speak English so he will be bilingual with some relative easy I hope. I have heard that he might start talking later than usual but I think him being fluent in 2 languages is worth the delay.

proseccoandbooks · 01/03/2019 13:03

You should 100% do it! My DN (sister's daughter) speaks our native language, English(her husband's American and they live in the US) and French. She's 5!

CielBleuEtNuages · 01/03/2019 13:13

Agree its great. Mine have a perfect accent in both languages which is fantastic. It is a lot of hard work for the parents though, especially for the minority language.

It was fine when they were little and just speaking, but learning to read and write is harder. Although that might be also linked to the huge amount of homework my DC has meaning im reluctant to add more reading and writing everyday.

weltenbummler · 01/03/2019 13:35

My DH and I both speak our own native language with DCs when on our own with them. When we are all together we speak English. DCs change effortlessly between different languages and as toddlers were able to pick out books they wanted read by babysitters appropriate for babysitter's language. Acquaintances sometimes remark "oh aren't they clever to speak so many languages"... nothing clever about it from DCs point of view. They just grew up hearing the languages. I have insisted they do not study any of our family native languages as foreign language at school as that would feel like cheating to me and I want them to have the experience of what it is like to have to actively learn vocabulary and grammar and study foreign language from scratch.
OP please speak Polish with your son! It will enrich his life, give him a broader perspective, allow him to communicate with grandparents and cousins. For me language is also the gateway to traditions, stories, songs and a much wider cultural heritage.

RoboticSealpup · 01/03/2019 14:27

I find it so sad to hear parents speaking English with their children when English clearly isn't their first language. It's like they're so desperate to assimilate they're obliterating their own culture. In reality, their children are missing out on knowledge and skills which could really enrich their lives.

iolaus · 01/03/2019 17:58

Mine are bilingual in Welsh and English the only time it presented a slight issue is when my third was assessed for speech therapy because when he was asked what colour something was he replied with Glas which obviously sounds nothing like Blue

When we pointed out he was answering in Welsh the assesor said she'd get someone to assess him who could speak both languages (apparently his pronounciation was better in Welsh than English)

I also used to babysit for a couple where the mother was German and only spoke to their little girl in German, the dad only spoke to her in English - she seemed fine by the whole thing, must have been 2-3 and the majority of the time she spoke to me in English but the odd word she'd throw in German if she couldn't think of it

happierever · 01/03/2019 18:00

Do it do it do it- my parents didn't do it with me and we are all regretful now.

BusySnipingOnCallOfDuty · 01/03/2019 18:03

Its extremely beneficial for chldren to be raised bilingually either from birth or very young.

it can make them seem a little slow in the start but it actually expands the brain more which is more beneficial to them as they get older.

shecamefromgreece · 01/03/2019 18:07

Please do it.
My mum is Italian and "wasn't allowed" by my idiot dad (who was English)
I'm gutted and really wished she had raised me bilingual.

Gronk27 · 01/03/2019 18:10

My third generation friend's all speak Polish to her nephew who is 'half' Polish and his parent and grandparents all born in the UK. What an amazing gift to be bilingual!

bakingcupcakes · 01/03/2019 18:10

Definitely do it OP. My friend's son is trilingual as both parents are from different countries abroad but live in England and speak fluent English to each other. Neither speak the others mother tongue. Together as a 3 they all speak English but their own language when it's just one parent and child. He did start talking later and combined languages a little at first but he's 5 now and knows all 3 languages well. They did it so he could communicate with their relatives in their own country and I think it's great. I would have loved my son to be able to learn another language from birth. It's so much easier than doing it later.

Damntheman · 01/03/2019 18:21

Definitely do it! My DC are bilingual and it's such a head start in life for them. Do it from birth and speak only your own language to him whenever possible. There won't be much confusion, if any. He may start speaking a little later but he'll catch up soon enough.

AnnaBegins · 01/03/2019 18:24

Keep doing what you're doing, and more if possible! Speaking to your son only in polish will be best. DH will pick up lots of polish really soon too. I speak French to my DS and my DH speaks no French but understands so much now just through hearing it so often and usually understands everything I say to DS.

zwellers · 01/03/2019 18:36

I never understand on these threads how if one parent only speaks English to the child and one another language how do you ever have a conversation as a family. (Genuine question)

zwellers · 01/03/2019 18:37

Also all these people saying it's a head start and brings benefits- how and what are they?

woollyheart · 01/03/2019 18:52

It is so much easier to learn two languages if you start early. My father was Polish, but my mother only spoke English. I never picked up any Polish and regret it because I couldn't speak to relatives easily. It is really hard work to start languages later.

Being bi-lingual also makes it easier to pick up additional languages later. Your son could be so talented in languages without any effort.

Neckercheiftheif · 01/03/2019 18:53

My family speak only Welsh to DD and DP’s family speaks only English to her.

DP is half Irish and half Indian bought up in an English majority speaking town in North Wales- his parents never thought it was important to impart their own languages upon him so he feels really strongly that our daughter should be bilingual.

I also think it’s great for the cultural and heritage aspect too!

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