To be this worried about my son's absence?

[Sowing747]

My DS15 is in Y10 and has mocks coming up shortly.

He is bright, sporty and organised, but his absences this academic year have really stacked up and his average is currently 92%. In a recent school talk we were told that, although 95% minimum was acceptable officially, it should be higher when you get to Y10 if you want to do ok.

He spent most of yesterday evening working on three homework assignments then apparently slept really badly and was in a right state this morning, so he's off today.

He wants to start a monthly gym membership and I'd like to say it will have to wait until he can get his attendance up to 97%. On the other hand, going to the gym regularly gives structure to his week and is a great stress reliever (although he also plays rugby three times a week).

AIBU to postpone this gym membership?

@KittyVonCatsington I'm not sure what you mean.

Would you say to have scored the equivalent of GCSE Bs and Cs for assessments at the age of 14 (before his birthday) is struggling?

You must have, or know, some bright kids!!

How would you feel if your son arrived in school, to find his lesson, in the crucial run-up to public examinations, was being taught by a supply teacher, or another member of staff not specialising in that subject doing cover, because their teacher was off sick? Annoying, disruptive, but hope Sir/Miss is better soon. Then you discover that Sir/Miss was feeling under the weather because they slept badly....... I can think of many days when I had to drag myself into school after a rough night, (or on occasion, very jolly nights!) and any working adult in any job will have had the same experience. This is the working world where he will be in a few short years.
I'm glad you're taking his feelings seriously, and thinking of ways forward, but he needs to think ahead to consequences before staying up all night. Support him in a positive way to develop the resilience he needs.

Ds year 9, is on 95%. He caught the sickness bugs twice before Christmas (actually sick in school and sent home), and fluy type virus in November time.

Last week they had 3 days of tests. On Monday he woke up with a temp, coughing, sneezing and full up (you know when you can see it in their eyes), I asked did he went to stay home, he said no he was going in. So took paracetamol before school, and some in his bag for throughout the day. This happened until the last day of the tests, he came home and went straight to his room. About 6:30 I thought it unusual he hadn’t come down for food. Went up and he was fast asleep on his floor. I woke him, he said he didn’t want want food, and got into bed. He slept until Friday morning, when I went to wake him for school- he was sweating, under a duvet and throw, and shivering. He said ‘I don’t feel well enough’, so I gave him paracetamol and let him sleep. It was Monday before he started to feel better.

But I was proud of him. A year ago he would have been begging to stay home on the first day, regardless of tests. But he knew he had to do them, so pushed himself through.

It’s hard when your children are ill, to know when to push them to go regardless or let them stay at home. No one likes to see their child unwell.

Not trying to derail the thread but DishingOutDone please look at something called PANDAS
www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/pandas/index.shtml

I don't think scoring 4 in year 10 assessments is anything to worry about. Not every child is going to be a level 8-9 student. The only concern would be if he was a student expected to be scoring much higher.

@Punxsutawney I was actually worried that his end of Y11 predicted GCSE grades are not much higher (three 4s, three 5s and two 6s, so Cs and Bs again)!

*I'm not sure what you mean.

Would you say to have scored the equivalent of GCSE Bs and Cs for assessments at the age of 14 (before his birthday) is struggling?

You must have, or know, some bright kids!!

I am saying that potentially scoring 17% in a test does not mean that he is succeeding.

I guess you know him and what he is capable of. Although he sounds like he is doing fine grade wise if he is already near his predictions. Still over a year to go yet.

Thank you bionic we have considered PANDAs etc., DD is also under a neurologist. We've been under GOSH as well. I do appreciate you mentioning it though.

So did you send him in? Think you need a talk this weekend as his tiredness, anxiety and headaches either need dealing with or he goes regardless. Removing devices at night is preferable to wifi off, most phones have data or can be used offline. Does he get physical exercise to tire him out?

@LIZS No I agreed with a PP and thought his time may be better spent finishing off homework assignments, which he's doing now.

Re exercise, that was my original question. I wasn't sure whether postponing gym membership until his attendance has improved was a good idea or not.

From what PPs have said, it is, as he already does rugby three times a week anyway.

And yes, we're going to remove devices at school night bedtimes, rather than just switch off WiFi.

If he plays rugby has he ever had a concussion or head injury?

My DS tried to wrangle a day off school in YR10, I agreed, in return for his phone, he agreed readily, however the look on his face when I sailed out the door to work with all the remotes, the firestick, the router and any screen that wasn't pinned down was priceless.

Oh and as a standard the wifi went off at 10.30 during the week, and all devices had to be placed in our room.

I personally wouldn't limit exercise for a person who is suffering from issues with his mental health. Could he earn the gym membership with hours of school work? I think limiting screen time is the way forward as you have acknowledged.

It would have made a difference to his overall attendance if you had sent him in for the afternoon as attendance is calculated in two parts, am and pm. This is mainly to avoid kids turning up for registration and then skiving the rest of the day but has other benefits.

When you speak to him about this I eould suggest you need to make it clear that you will not be agreeing to time off without a clear reason and of his mental health is making him feel anxious about attending he needs to see a GP.

@Oliversmumsarmy

Dyslexia would affect far more than just English. Being good at everything else but not English is not an indicator for dyslexia!

Clairaloulou
Yes I am aware of dyslexia. But as a way of looking for it when you have a child who appears perfectly capable and intelligent is to look out for big differences in for example being brilliant at maths but is struggling with English.

I have 2 dc both with dyslexia. One can spell and read and knows how to punctuate a sentence if only he could read his handwriting.
My other can’t spell for toffee and doesn’t know the alphabet.
They both have processing problems and cannot do comprehension or write a story as they don’t know where to start. They could stare at a piece of paper for an hour and not write a thing. It looks like they are lazy but the effort of trying to work out what to write was exhausting for them.
Been there and done that.

If the ops Ds did have dyslexia it could be he is putting off the subject homework he finds difficult to the last minute then it all builds up.

@Oliversmumsarmy have you considered dysgraphia for your ds that can't read his handwriting?

Yes that is just one of his SENs

I'm in the same boat as you, @Oliversmumsarmy but I don't think the OP has said anything that would indicate an SEN. I would like to think that something like that would have been picked up way before his GCSE year as well.

Ops Ds sounds like something dc did do.
Leaving everything till the last minute Ending up with multiple pieces of homework finishing on the same night.
Organisation and time management not their strongest

92% is almost half a day a week absence. We're halfway through the school year - my quick calculations say he's had 10-12 days off since September for no particular reason (coughs, colds, tiredness).

There is a much-researched and proven link between attendance and academic achievement - he needs to be in school OP.

It is a sad fact that he will have some classmates who are overcoming all sorts of obstacles to get to school - maybe they have to take 4 busses a day, perhaps they only have one school shirt that has to be washed every night, physical and developmental disabilities, bereavement, caring responsibilities - but they are busting a gut to get into school every day because school is (generally, I know) a safe, nurturing place where their friends are around them. Your son has none of these barriers OP- he needs YOUR support to get into the classroom for the next 10 weeks.

Has he gone to school today, OP?

I was always allowed to stay off school if I didn't feel up to it for whatever reason, I didn't have to be at deaths door. Absence stats weren't a thing then but I'm sure I had at least 2-3 days each term. It didn't stop me getting into a top university nor has it affected me working for the last 20 years (and my work sickness record is lower than the average). I really do think people get far too worried about school absence.