Aibu to be annoyed at SIL

[JenLaBe]

Hello,

So long story short. A few months ago, my sil and her family cane to our, mine and dh, house. We had a lovely time and I invited them to come back at a later date for a playtime as our DC are same age ish.

She said yes, smile and all.

Her other older child was keeping on going upstairs in the rooms and especially the one of our dc so I went up and ask him to join us back down. He was literally lying on the mattress which i use to change dc and was loving it. Anyway, slipt through my mouth (which I hope I had kept shut now) to ask if one day he would like to come over for a sleep over. Eyes full on stars, he nodded. Couldn't be happier.
We both go down and I share with his mom that there was an open invitation for this young man to whenever she saw was possible and that we could talk more when she comes to have the playtime with my DC and hers.

A few weeks later, i send a message about the playtime and no answer. Like at all but a date to which she could come for the sleepover. Now my DC is very young so literally my lo was excluded from that and she was saying nothing about the playtime.
My hubby send a message to ask if she would like to answer about the playtime too to which she answers she doesn't have time for games.

So we both leave it honestly hurt for her dc.

Then her dc's birthday come. We reach out to make sure that we can give a gift and see him for his birthday. She invited us at hers. Lovely time. 5 months has passed so I reinvite for the playtime to which she says yes.
I said great! And that when she comes we can discuss about the sleepover, she said yes.

And to our surprise. Again. No mention for our DC at all but a date was given to us to when she could come for the sleepover.

This has now completely blown out as she refuses to even understand that she can't just take on half the invite and blank out our DC while expecting us to host her for the night!!! Oh yes, she would be coming with her dc too...

Aibu to be VERY annoyed??? And to have just hold my ground saying both invites were made and that she can accept or refuse both??

OP, I can see that english is not your first/fluent language so i think maybe some nuances are getting lost in translation.
Am i correct in thinking -

1. You've never had playdates or sleepovers with sil or her dc before?
2. You took the initiative and suggested/invited her to bring her young dc over for a first playdate with your dc as they are close in age?
3. You thought that whilst the two dc were playing, you and sil could chat/get to know each other better and you could talk to her about arranging a first sleepover for her older dc, i.e when/what activities you could arrange so that older dc could have fun as well (instead of having nothing to do but watch tv/play on their phone)?
4. You don't mind sil sleeping over as well because you would have made sure all the dc had something to do and weren't left out/bored?
5. Sil has decided she doesn't want to arrange any playdates with the young dc at all
6. Sil only wants to arrange a sleepover for older dc on the condition that she sleeps over too
7. This means that both your young dc never get to play or get to know their young cousin
8. Her sleeping over as well means that you have to entertain her so have less time and attention to give the older dc/get to know them

So basically your dc miss out on getting to know their cousins (as they will be in bed when older dc is there),
you won't be able to give older dc your full time and attention so you won't get to spend any quality time getting to know them either
The only person who benefits is your sil because she gets a break from her young dc by sleeping over at yours and gets to enjoy adult company
Only her older dc gets some benefit from this arrangement whilst your dc don't get any benefit at all

She's basically taken your invitation and thrown it back at you - but at the same time manipulated it to suit herself only - I'd be pissed off at the cheeky fucker too!

You are BU for offering the sleep over before asking the parents, maybe she doesn't want the children to sleep over but you put her I the baddies seat if she says no.

Also, not sure if you both have the same first language but (and I don't mean this rudely) your English is hard to understand so maybe the conversation is getting a little lost in the translation.

@CantStopMeNow

Yes!

This will be my last answer because I really think we covered it all.

My english isn't the issue i think. She understood and had the same convo with my hubby, HER brother.
Sorry that my post was tough to understand though... I was upset for dn

Anyway. The reason why we reacted is that like some of you said. She just does try to get ONLY what she wants and blank out our own desires and benefits.
It isn't an issue once. But it is recurrent and we are fed up. This time was too much plus the constant rudeness when she doesn't get her way. She could just say no.

She loves her bro and was the sole woman in his life for ever (late wedding) and with his mom so never had to compose with anyone else. She is also the only sister and doesn't really like another woman around.

Now about dn. We certainly don't want to hurt him but she can't constantly use our affection for him to get what she wants while really showing no interest in our dc at all. She is nice when he is around but that doesn't happen really much.
And yes, i mentioned i do regret to have asked dn directly. We all learn and make mistake and i tried to do something about it. She doesn't want. Just put in our face the hurt of her dc. And again. Offensive.

Sorry OP. I find it very hard to follow your story and exactly what you want. Maybe your SIL is equally confused

It’s bloody clear that she isn’t interested in a play date if she can offload her kid for a sleepover. You didn’t think it through and are expecting her to think as you do.

Take the very clear hint, if the sleepover is conditional on a play date, then say so.

Sometimes OP, you need to spell it out and not just assume that people will think as you do. In the future, run it by the parent first before extending an invitation to a child.

to ask if one day he would like to come over for a sleep over. Eyes full on stars, he nodded. Couldn't be happier

YOU asked him. And you think nothing now of punishing him because of some perceived slight caused by your SIL I find that so cruel.

You are not a nice aunt so probably for the best if you don't see them.

Just this once, suck it up and have the sleepover and spend time with your nephew.
You started this and he shouldn't lose out.

Then don't offer again.

YOU asked him. And you think nothing now of punishing him because of some perceived slight caused by your SIL I find that so cruel

I agree with this. You invited him, go his face. And now he’s being punished because you aren’t getting what you want in return.

YOU are the rude one! And mean. How horrible to offer to let him sleepover.
Your nephew gets punished so your PFB doesn't 'miss out' urgh! They are well rid of you!