Aibu to be annoyed at SIL

[JenLaBe]

Hello,

So long story short. A few months ago, my sil and her family cane to our, mine and dh, house. We had a lovely time and I invited them to come back at a later date for a playtime as our DC are same age ish.

She said yes, smile and all.

Her other older child was keeping on going upstairs in the rooms and especially the one of our dc so I went up and ask him to join us back down. He was literally lying on the mattress which i use to change dc and was loving it. Anyway, slipt through my mouth (which I hope I had kept shut now) to ask if one day he would like to come over for a sleep over. Eyes full on stars, he nodded. Couldn't be happier.
We both go down and I share with his mom that there was an open invitation for this young man to whenever she saw was possible and that we could talk more when she comes to have the playtime with my DC and hers.

A few weeks later, i send a message about the playtime and no answer. Like at all but a date to which she could come for the sleepover. Now my DC is very young so literally my lo was excluded from that and she was saying nothing about the playtime.
My hubby send a message to ask if she would like to answer about the playtime too to which she answers she doesn't have time for games.

So we both leave it honestly hurt for her dc.

Then her dc's birthday come. We reach out to make sure that we can give a gift and see him for his birthday. She invited us at hers. Lovely time. 5 months has passed so I reinvite for the playtime to which she says yes.
I said great! And that when she comes we can discuss about the sleepover, she said yes.

And to our surprise. Again. No mention for our DC at all but a date was given to us to when she could come for the sleepover.

This has now completely blown out as she refuses to even understand that she can't just take on half the invite and blank out our DC while expecting us to host her for the night!!! Oh yes, she would be coming with her dc too...

Aibu to be VERY annoyed??? And to have just hold my ground saying both invites were made and that she can accept or refuse both??

YANBU about SIL, but I wouldn't make too much fuss about it given that it's family & not really a huge deal, unless it becomes worse of course. I'd simply reply with...

"oh, that's such a shame, I hope you understand that the invitation included my D.C. being able to play with their cousins too for a while. Such a shame that isn't possible this time, looks like we need to reschedule the play date/sleepover to a time when your DCs can spend more quality time with their cousin"

& take it from there

Good luck

If there was a part I didn't want to do in an invitation. I would just refuse it

But why does it have to be both parts or not at all? That’s odd.

I think it is fair enough that OP doesn't really want to care for her SILs child until 10pm, and her own DC not even get a playdate with their cousins.

My understanding is that the older child would come to the house, after DC are asleep, stay the night and leave before they are up. It would be down to OP to entertain them.

I think OP is saying they would be happy to do this if her children could also gain from the experience. OP thought another playdate was definite, and a sleepover after a possibility.

My understanding is that the older child would come to the house, after DC are asleep, stay the night and leave before they are up. It would be down to OP to entertain them

OP said the SIL would sleep over too.

@SaucyJack

Well My husband is free to do his stuff. Why do you think he can't?

My message is just about his sis taking the piss on my shoulder to organise a lil party for her boy when she plans on not coming with her youngest and in terms that doesn't give my child any kind of enjoyment!!

And then think it is ok to be rude to me.

Of course it’s not ok to be rude to you.

@SoyDora

Because i am not an entertainment organizer lol

I wanted to please her and her dc but she doesn't seem interested into ours. And quite rude to me in the process

What party! When is the party taking place? I thought it was just a sleepover.

I really don't understand this.
OP, I'm honestly not trying to be rude here, but I'm guessing that maybe English isn't your first language?

@SoyDora - sorry! by them I meant both SIL and DC. e.g. entertain guests.

My understanding was OP was thinking the sleepover would maybe come after the playdate, rather than ever offering a stand alone sleepover.

My reading is that OP is upset that SIL doesn't want to do a playdate, which the OP was offering for benefit of all children, and only something nice for her eldest at the OPs inconvenience.

But you offered to have him overnight? If you’re not ‘entertainment organiser’ why did you invite him?

Lol @spanieleyes

So i thought to do pizza movie sleepover...
Yeap silly me :/

She won't even see my lo :(

She doesn't sound like she's being rude. Maybe she doesn't want the younger one to have sleepovers yet.

How is your little one missing out if they will already be asleep - they wouldn't know? It looks like you and DH can spend quality time with his nephew. It seems odd you're so fixated on this. If it has to be all or nothing, just do nothing. Your SIL doesn't have to send both kids over.

Taking a piss on your shoulder? Because you invited her son for a sleepover and she’s trying to take you up on the offer?

Fucking Hell. You are Hard Work.

Yes @SoyDora

But AFTER she had agreed on coming for a playdate.

And i said at the invitation time and underlined to her later on that we could discuss of it during the playtime.

Maybe she thinks you would enjoy spending time with her and your nephew?

I'm wondering if when she said "I don't have time to play games" what she meant was that she doesn't have much time for play dates. Someone did ask up thread if she worked but I didn't see an answer

You said yourself that they are very busy so would leave early in the morning. Maybe they just don't have time for play date at the moment but are thinking it would be nice to spend time together (you, nephew SIL etc)?

@SaucyJack

The offer was to talk about it at playtime

Is ENGLISH your first language?

I think the OP is taking a piss on all our shoulders.

@tessica2

She does work part time. I do too. but she wanted to come on Friday night and leave sat.

She doesn't work on saturday.

But there wasn't a deadline again... the offer wasn't going to be cancelled after a few weeks

Sorry but based on your OP and how confusing it is, and the issue you're currently experiencing, it seems to me like you're not a very clear communicator. Does it matter if the elder one just stops for the night? If your kids are so young they are asleep by 6pm then I don't think the eldest is going to want to play with them. Just get the sleepover over with as you invited him. Then just stick to play dates

I know you keep saying them coming for a sleepover won’t benefit your child, but won’t spending time with your SIL and your older nephew benefit you and your DH? We spend time with SIL and her partner without the children coming along. She probably thinks you invited them for a sleepover because you wanted to see them.

@Onceuponacheesecake

My hubby tried to talk to her too. It is his sister. She blanked out too.

What is there that needs to be discussed face to face about her popping round to see close family?

In normal families that enjoy seeing each other without conditions, one person suggests a date. The other agrees. And that’s it talked about.

One can do this over a traditional phone call, SMS, or any one of the newer internet enabled messaging services such as WhatsApp, Facebook messenger or Instagram.

Again. You are Hard Work.