Aibu to be annoyed at SIL

[JenLaBe]

Hello,

So long story short. A few months ago, my sil and her family cane to our, mine and dh, house. We had a lovely time and I invited them to come back at a later date for a playtime as our DC are same age ish.

She said yes, smile and all.

Her other older child was keeping on going upstairs in the rooms and especially the one of our dc so I went up and ask him to join us back down. He was literally lying on the mattress which i use to change dc and was loving it. Anyway, slipt through my mouth (which I hope I had kept shut now) to ask if one day he would like to come over for a sleep over. Eyes full on stars, he nodded. Couldn't be happier.
We both go down and I share with his mom that there was an open invitation for this young man to whenever she saw was possible and that we could talk more when she comes to have the playtime with my DC and hers.

A few weeks later, i send a message about the playtime and no answer. Like at all but a date to which she could come for the sleepover. Now my DC is very young so literally my lo was excluded from that and she was saying nothing about the playtime.
My hubby send a message to ask if she would like to answer about the playtime too to which she answers she doesn't have time for games.

So we both leave it honestly hurt for her dc.

Then her dc's birthday come. We reach out to make sure that we can give a gift and see him for his birthday. She invited us at hers. Lovely time. 5 months has passed so I reinvite for the playtime to which she says yes.
I said great! And that when she comes we can discuss about the sleepover, she said yes.

And to our surprise. Again. No mention for our DC at all but a date was given to us to when she could come for the sleepover.

This has now completely blown out as she refuses to even understand that she can't just take on half the invite and blank out our DC while expecting us to host her for the night!!! Oh yes, she would be coming with her dc too...

Aibu to be VERY annoyed??? And to have just hold my ground saying both invites were made and that she can accept or refuse both??

Honestly I think she probably just doesn’t realise that she’s only welcome for the sleepover that you offered if your child gets a play date too. Invitations aren’t usually conditional.

So she is coming with her older child? Why don't you just offer for them all to come for a sleep over. Why are you so adamant that the younger child has to come for a separate play date?

Why would the mother come for a sleepover??

That is what I am thinking too.

I think she said yes politely but never wanted. But her lo wants.

All of this was made face to face.
She did understood as when i received dates for the sleepover, i immediately asked about the playtime too. If there was a real genuine misunderstanding, it would have been solved by now.

I think OP is saying that she wished she hadn't offered the sleepover.

She would love her SIL to come with both children for a play date, during the day. She regrets asking the older child if he would like to sleep over, as having given it some thought she realises her own DC are too young.

Now, the SIL is ignoring the offer of a play date for all the children, and is only interested in the offer of the sleepover for herself and her DC.

OP is trying to instead arrange for all children to be involved at a playdate.

OP thinks it is rude that her SIL is not wanting the children to play together, but just to come and stay for the night.

Have I got that right OP?

But why are you so determined to have a plays at aswell? Maybe she doesn't want to make 2 different trips.

And yes,
She was openly rude to me as I didn't budge about the playtime too.

I was open to see if that was a misunderstanding but I don't think so.

She didn't give any kind of reasons she couldn't come to the playtime

Correct @micromanager1

Except I don't regret because I now see that my DC could not participate. I have tried to arrange something for him too... but she blanks that.

I regret because her dc now hopes and i feel bad that it will probably not happen.

I still don't understand this.

@Drogosnextwife

Well there isn't a deadline on the invitation so what does this mean?
Does she not plan ever to come a second time??

It doesn't make sense to me

My issue is that my DC is too young to participate in the sleepover as fast asleep early.

But will be able to play when they get up in the morning. You offered the sleepover. YABU now to refuse to do it unless they have a play date first. SIL doesn’t have to say yes to both invitations, very unfair of you to disappoint the young man when you filled his eyes with stars in the first place by making the offer.

No @Bringbackthestripes

They are very busy so they would leave early morning.

She just really wants to not bother with anything else

Why is the sleepover dependent on a 'playtime' first? Maybe the little one didn't really enjoy it? Maybe SHE didn't enjoy it.
You've offered the older one a sleepover. Seems really mean to withdraw it now because the little one doesn't get their 'playtime' first. No need to punish the older, more aware child is there?

Oh god, OP, you’re not one of those parents that expect BOTH children to be invited to children’s parties, are you?

Bit why are you so determined to have the play date first, why can't the older child have the sleepover first?
The condition for a sleepover is they need to come for a play date first? Like I said why bot invite them all for a sleepover.

Lol @IDoN0tCare

How old are all the children?

@Drogosnextwife

Well that is what I invited her for.

I also did say that we could DISCUSS of how and when we could do a sleepover.

It would never cross my mind to just take the part I am interested into to an invitation.

I see - you regret asking because it is only going to be nice for her eldest DC, and none of the other children will be involved.

And the extra hassle for you of caring for guests, with your own children not being old enough to enjoy the sleepover.

I think you should either suggest that both her children come, and they can all play together the next day, OR let her know that you have thought about it more and a sleepover would be bad for your DCs routine and you can only offer playdates while they are so young.

From her comments, it sounds like she does not want to spend her free time during the day on playdates. Does she work? Maybe she does not want to spend her whole day off at someone else's house and travelling.

I think she thinks the sleepover is a compromise between letting the cousins play together, and not spending the whole day.

Is this your husband’s sister and his blood relative?

And you’re being weird and awkward because she wants to come for the sleepover at his uncle’s house that you both promised he could have?

Do you not think it might be nice for her, your nephew and your husband just to see each other? Why does there have to be something in it for you?

Bloody glad my family aren’t like you.

Thank Christ for that, I’m glad I’m not the only one that doesn’t under a word, for a minute I thought I was loosing my marbles.

But why won’t the sleepover happen? Are you saying ther sleepover can only happen if they also come for a play date with the younger children? It really isn’t the norm to put conditions on an invitation like that.

So invite her younger dc for a sleepover with them, then your younger dc can have someone to play with too.

@micromanager1

Yes,

If there was a part I didn't want to do in an invitation. I would just refuse it.

I kinda find ackward that she accepts one part and leave the rest.

Op in the nicest possible way, if you text like you post she probably has no idea what you’re on about.