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AIBU?

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Original poster

Grabby birthday voucher request

130 replies

GingerSpice84 · 27/02/2019 21:43

Back story: A friend - let’s call her Emma- has a new (and very wealthy-relevant) boyfriend. He has a big birthday coming up and is having a huge party to celebrate. Emma asked my advice for how to word on the invitation that he wants to receive gift vouchers from a specific shop from his guests. I was quite shocked by this as, a) I’m not sure that you openly tell your guests what to buy, and b) the pair of them regularly and unashamedly tell us how wealthy he is.
I did suggest that it might be nicer to let people buy what they wanted but she had various reasons for not wanting this (I.e. he doesn’t drink anything apart from X, he’s already set up in his home etc). She also said that the party was costing X number of thousands of pounds (as if that justifies shamelessly requesting gift vouchers from your guests).
Is it a reasonable request or is it a bit grabby? Wouldn’t it be nicer to say, no presents please (especially as he is absolutely bundled-or so they say).
Happy to be told I’m BU and I’ll trot along to said shop and no doubt massively overspend on the vouchers in an attempt not to look tight.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 28/02/2019 07:16

I think I will go against the grain slightly and say if he phrases it he does not wish presents, but if people feel the need then x vouchers. The reason is people do buy gifts, no matter how much you protest, and and it does save him getting a lot of unwanted shite and people wasting their money.

I certainly wouldn't take offence at this and would happily buy someone a birthday gift if I was going to their party.

PawPawNoodle · 28/02/2019 07:24

I don't think I'd take umbrage to this. I dont imagine the invitation will be a 'buy me this or dont bother coming' affair, more of a signpost should guests wish to buy him something.

Also, the fact that he is wealthy does not mean he is any less deserving of gifts.

2birds1stone · 28/02/2019 07:28

For someone's boyfriend I barely knew it would be £10 as I would normally spend £20-£30 on a good friend.

It is grabby but I wish I had the balls to do this, my 30th I remember getting loads of stuff i didn't really want or just wasn't me. I was grateful for the gifts and effort but in many ways wished people hadn't wasted their money.

ahtellthee · 28/02/2019 07:31

Ugh. I hate this.

That said, I did organisé a collection for a friends 40th birthday. It wasn't obligatory, and people donated whatever they wanted. It was all done via a Facebook group. We decided to buy vouchers for a local shopping centre that offered everything from jewelers, hairdresser, travel agent, supermarket and department stores.

She was delighted!

XiCi · 28/02/2019 07:43

I can't believe that people would go to a party, enjoy the company, the entertainment and the food that's been laid on and not take a present or take something that the host is not going to like just because they take umbrage at buying a gift voucher

The thinking of some posters is either nonsensical or they're nasty twats

Completely agree

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 28/02/2019 07:43

For my 30th maybe 1/2 close friends got my a present, everyone else at the party brought a bottle of flowers, I was by no way ensuring I made up the cost of the party

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 28/02/2019 07:44

Were you going to buy him a present anyway? If so I don't actually mind people expressing a preference for a certain present as it saves you time and energy trying to think of something you think they might like, that then gets charity shopped or regifted. Just spend what you would have spent on a present

Bluntness100 · 28/02/2019 07:52

Yes I'm surprised at the early responses also. Some people saying they would not even go because of this and the ops passive aggressive desire to get him something he doesn't wish.

I personally would not attend someone's birthday party and not take a gift and I would not see how wealthy they are as relevant to that.

As said, most normal people do take a gift to a birthday party even if someone says don't, so saying if you feel the need then vouchers would be appreciated Stop's people wasting their money and the recipient getting a whole bunch of shite they don't want.

notdaddycool · 28/02/2019 07:57

Buy him a water pump from water aid or a goat from farm Africa and go to the party.

bubblegumbottles · 28/02/2019 08:09

Make him a gift voucher for a free personality transplant.

PurpleWithRed · 28/02/2019 08:16

Depends on the tone: If its along the lines of ‘your presence is all we want at my celebration, I’m a bit —rich— old for gifts, but if you really want to buy something then a small voucher from xxx would be lovely’ that’s just about acceptable. If it’s ‘for my gift I only want vouchers from xxxx’ then it’s very rude and tacky.

Just goes to show that money can’t buy class.

NWQM · 28/02/2019 09:02

A lot of negativeness is being projected into the boyfriend because he’s only met the OP 3 times but is asking for a present. Has he though? The OP’s friend has asked about wording for the invite. The OP’s friend has said vouchers because he has everything etc. Boyfriend may have said vouchers to friends and family.

Personally I’d rather get something he wants. And actually voucher to x means you can spend less.

Most people would agree that if someone is hosting a dinner party you take a thank-you. Why, if you are going to a birthday party - a life event where presents are traditional - would it be in question to take something? And literally it is being suggested here that it should be a token.

Doesn’t matter to me if you have only met the person once. I’d take something.

IrmaFayLear · 28/02/2019 09:12

I agree that early posters were rushing in to trash the bf. He may be greedy, he may otoh just be heading off unwanted bottles of Bollinger at the pass.

Also agree that who would turn up at a party empty handed? Surely you'd take the host - even if you'd met them for five minutes - a bottle/chocolates?

What's the harm of bunging £10/£20 on the gift card? If it is going to be a huge blow-out party with music/food, then that would be a fair exchange for the hospitality.

wombatsears · 28/02/2019 10:40

You’d rather spend money on something they literally don’t want to teach them some sort of lesson. It’s so bizarre.

Why have you decided they didn’t want my gift? We’re you there or something? I got them something I know they like rather than something that was demanded when the invite said “you are invited to so and so’s party - he wants this as a gift.”

IMO it’s fair enough if someone asks to say you would like cash/vouchers but you don’t demand it on the invite!

MiGi777 · 28/02/2019 10:53

I think it's that he doesn't want to be left with 100 bottles of champagne and two zillion boxes of chocolates after the party. I think it's a practical thing just like a wedding list. You know people will buy you a present but don't want to end up with 8 toasters, sort of thing. It can seem a bit grabby but it actually makes the gift buying decision very easy! If he wants a voucher, get him a voucher and then enjoy the party!!!

IvanaPee · 28/02/2019 11:20

I got them something I know they like

Just not what they actually wanted!

Nesssie · 28/02/2019 11:28

£10 voucher and make sure you have £20 worth of food/drink at the party. Sounds more like the friend is being CF than the BF.

OKBobble · 28/02/2019 11:43

When I had my 50th I didn't put anything in the invitations but anyone who asked my DH, mum or best friends what I might like (or even me sometimes) were told I had my eye on a particular handbag (my first ever designer one) and JL vouchers of any amount would be most welcomed. I did get enough to buy it and it is a very treasured item, much loved and even more so knowing it was jointly bought by my friends.

Bluntness100 · 28/02/2019 13:28

£10 voucher and make sure you have £20 worth of food/drink at the party

Jesus. This and other comments like it is why some people have no friends.

It's a birthday party, it's normal to give a gift. It's far from normal to go and try and eat and drink as much as you can to offset the value of rhe gift. That's as grabby as it gets.

BlueMerchant · 28/02/2019 13:41

'Emma' knows it rude or she wouldn't be asking advice on how to word it. Is she embarrassed incase her friends and family turn up with something unsuitable (socks or cheap tie) and embarass her in front of this wealthy boyfriend? He sounds entitled. Worried he's going to get tat.
I'd send a card and tat.

LuckyLou7 · 28/02/2019 13:46

Bottle of fizz and a card - so what if he only drinks a particular brand? He's being grabby and entitled, expecting guests to cough up for gift vouchers. He's not 7.

Halloumimuffin · 28/02/2019 13:48

Complete lack of class.

LuckyLou7 · 28/02/2019 13:48

Oh, if it's a landmark birthday, try your local charity shop for tacky "You're 30/40/50" gifts rejected by others, the tackier the better. A 29p card from The Card Factory (with the price sticker left on) and you're good to go. Grin

JingsMahBucket · 28/02/2019 14:34

@LuckyLou7 and others, why so spiteful? Not everyone likes fizz or some usual or supermarket brand or kind of alcohol. Why not just get the person what he or she wants? It’ll take you more time and energy to be spiteful than just following the initial request.

BlueMerchant · 28/02/2019 16:04

It's downright cheeky requesting what you want as a gift. What if someone couldn't afford to buy the cheapest voucher? What if they had something else in mind? Does the recipient think you have bad taste and would choose an awful gift? A gift is exactly that. A gift. A token of kindness.
He should appreciate any gift he receives.I appreciate it when people have gone out and thought of me and chosen a gift even if i wouldnt necessarily have chosen it myself. Requesting vouches means he is the kind of guy who doesn't.