To resent how long my OH spends on poo-time?

[Motherbemused]

Honestly, I can have the dishwasher emptied and restacked, kitchen cleaned, a wash on, and most of the living area tidied in the time it takes my OH to emerge from the toilet of a Saturday* morning.

Should I consider this time a 'me-time' privilege that must remain sacred, and accept it (bearing in mind we have a 4 month old, and a house to clean; I don't require extra time for Number 2's), or say something?

*Extra time only used at weekends - he doesn't have it during working week on account of getting up at last possible moment.

Several people on this thread sound controlling and passive aggressive. Quite possibly because of being over-giving of your own time.

Turn off the wifi? Way to treat your DH like a child and breed resentment. He’s not going to come to heel like a dog if you take away his bone.

I don’t think it is at all unreasonable for a person to want to take 20/40 minutes of ‘me time’ in a day. The question is why men feel they have to go to the only place in the house with a lock on the door to take it.

Just because YOU decide to brush your teeth in the shower, devote every waking minute to DC and not take time for yourself in the day doesn’t mean you can reasonably expect that of others.

Wholeheartedly agree with the suggestion of just waiting for your DH before starting the ‘chores’, and taking a bit of me-time for yourself too. Turn on the telly or give the kids an ipad for half an hour. It’s really not so terrible.

You will find you resent the long shits less if you let yourself take a long shit now and again. It REALLY isn’t a crime.

Oh come on! I can't possibly be the ONLY WOMAN who likes to have a quiet relaxing poo??

I spend AT LEAST 20 minutes on the toilet!! Either reading my kindle or on my phone - DH, DD and DSD know that when I ask if anyone needs the loo it's because I'm going for a poo and I'll be a while

Seriously, am I the only one????

Do men actually enjoy doing a poo? As in the prostate being right there and being stimulated, which is apparently, er, nice. So while not actually necessarily sexual it is pleasant.

No idea Trumponerous, but I would put money on some of these poo breaks actually being wank breaks.

I think it's the me-time /escape from duties thing too, in a lot of cases. There was a poster here once who said her DH admitted he was taking some All-Bran on a family holiday so he could guarantee he'd need to spend a good proportion of time in the loo

Mother My OH is the same, has a good 30-40 A DAY! "alone time"

Comes home from work 6ish, Helps get DCs ready for bed then will be in there for 30-40 mins, watches youtube vids while he's in there as well so he "doesn't need to watch them later"

Then comes out asks whats for tea. I have just sat down having just put DCs to bed, sorted out a load of washing, washed pots and had a toy tidy up. I finsh work 4 days a week and finish at 4:30.

So i understand your pain

Just because YOU decide to brush your teeth in the shower, devote every waking minute to DC and not take time for yourself in the day doesn’t mean you can reasonably expect that of others.

I totally agree. See my post further to the original. This is about more than passive aggression and more to do with how to deal with the difficulty I, and possibly many others, have with taking 'me-time' ourselves, to poo or otherwise!

Surely men have to push?? The only time I don't is if I have the squits, or when my bowel is in such good working order due to healthy eating, that it sort of evacuates itself when I sit on the loo. But the latter is a quick process.

My DP does this - he gets up in the morning and spends 20+ minutes on the toilet, then showers shaves etc, comes downstairs for breakfast, has a cup of tea then back up on the toilet for another 20+ minutes

When he comes home at night he goes straight up on the loo for 20+ minutes

He doesn't have IBS or constipation issues he just likes his relaxing time to watch you tube and just seems to poo a lot

To make it worse, DSS comes home every night, immediately goes into the downstairs toilet (which is right next to the kitchen) emerges half an hour later and leaves an almighty stink behind that has made me physically be sick more than once not envy

Oh FFS, another one of these threads!

Can people not think of some new material?

I honestly think most men do this and I really don’t understand it. My DF used to warn everyone he was going to the loo incase anyone needed to use it because he would literally sit there for an hour . Took his newspaper in with him and I reckon he finished most of the bloody thing in there. My DP does it with his phone now, I don’t think I’ve ever known him take less than 10 minutes. I really can’t see the appeal of sitting on the bloody toilet.

The comedy movie This Is 40 highlights it too, Paul Rudd does it.

All this phone use on the toilet is weird and a bit gross tbh.

I think it's time that a trend was started for shiny metal plated bathroom walls, which would double as a Faraday cage and render phones useless in bathrooms.

Then to add insult to injury, there are always skid marks on the towel after he showers where he hasn't wiped properly.

Not just not wiped properly, but not washed properly either. I couldn't put up with that - is he really constantly walking around with shit all over his arse? Doesn't he smell?!

I don’t think it is at all unreasonable for a person to want to take 20/40 minutes of ‘me time’ in a day. The question is why men feel they have to go to the only place in the house with a lock on the door to take it.

For me, the question is why they have to take it at their sole convenience, leaving others to sort out family chores or having to wait to use the shared bathroom because one person has decided that they need a break, whether it's best for everyone else or not.

not read whole thread so apologies if this has already been mentioned. Your DH is at higher risk of developing haemorroids by sitting on the loo for so long

Wholeheartedly agree with the suggestion of just waiting for your DH before starting the ‘chores’, and taking a bit of me-time for yourself too. Turn on the telly or give the kids an ipad for half an hour. It’s really not so terrible.

Really, you’d leave your toddler strapped in the high chair in a dirty nappy, let the dinner burn or boil over or miss taking DC out for an activity on time for 20 minutes while you have your ‘me time’ because your DH has chosen that moment for his 20 minute toilet break?!

Plenty of domestic and childcare responsibilities are time critical. This is not about women martyring themselves and unfairly stopping their DH having their ‘me time’ it’s about the frustration of these men choosing them to absent themselves at key times when there are urgent jobs to be done, leaving them to the woman to pick up.

They are most likely masturbating. It’s often coupled with locked door baths that last 90 minutes.

H does this as well - he often times it as soon as we enter the house so that the annoying jobs such as putting away the shopping or sorting DS (not do much an issue now - he's 12) were done by me.

I used to ban him from going until the jobs were finished. Strangely enough if I insisted he either wait or use a public loo while we were out and about it took much less time!

Definitely an issue of trying to avoid jobs in my experience.

Likethewind321 nope, I just expect a fair share of the shit that needs doing- DP wants to spend an hour on toilet when DS is in bed or similar- sure, no issues. He wants to do this when the kid is starving, the shopping needs putting away we usually need to start our own dinner- yeah, nah mate, you can get your arse here and help.