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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To resent how long my OH spends on poo-time?

118 replies

Motherbemused · 27/02/2019 20:14

Honestly, I can have the dishwasher emptied and restacked, kitchen cleaned, a wash on, and most of the living area tidied in the time it takes my OH to emerge from the toilet of a Saturday* morning.

Should I consider this time a 'me-time' privilege that must remain sacred, and accept it (bearing in mind we have a 4 month old, and a house to clean; I don't require extra time for Number 2's), or say something?

*Extra time only used at weekends - he doesn't have it during working week on account of getting up at last possible moment.

OP posts:

Parky04 · 28/02/2019 07:24

Not all men do this. I find sitting on the toilet for more than a few minutes very uncomfortable!

Duchessgummybuns · 28/02/2019 07:25

I used to think all men did this but it turned out to just be the lazy and feckless ones in my life. Current bf is in and out within5 minutes (still stinks but whatever we all do it)

mummmy2017 · 28/02/2019 07:30

Mine used to do this at night , I kid you not if I found him missing from the bed and in the ensuite I would call, open the door and he would be asleep on the loo.
So when his new partner was telling everyone about his bad tummy at night, I started laughing, told her he was no I'll, he was asleep and to just wake him up and send him back to bed ..

Transpeaked · 28/02/2019 07:32

Suggest you take equal time...

Mine used to take 45 minutes uninterrupted by kids every. Single.day. I didn’t get such luxuries until - kids were left to come find me whenever they wanted.

Birdsgottafly · 28/02/2019 07:33

"So most women find most men do this, do you not think it's just part of being a man?"

According to many, single men don't do this. I've found other Cultures have different toilet habits, so it's learned behaviour.

It's a way to duck out of responsibilities for 20 minutes. How many Women on her have written" I can get xyz done in the time he poos", or "it started when we had children".

To really prove this, you'd have to study men in something like an Army etc situation.

Sarahjconnor · 28/02/2019 07:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Shoxfordian · 28/02/2019 08:32

It's just an excuse to get out of doing any housework or being with the family. Its ridiculous
My dh doesn't do this but we don't have children so maybe that's when it starts....

havingtochangeusernameagain · 28/02/2019 08:47

All men are dysfunctional when it comes to going to the loo, in my experience.

havingtochangeusernameagain · 28/02/2019 08:48

Nothing to do with avoiding chores. DS is a pain. DH is a pain. My cousin used to spend about 45 minutes in there!

Northernparent68 · 28/02/2019 08:51

It’s a bit weird to time how long your partner is in the toilet.

ShatnersWig · 28/02/2019 08:53

Why do they all do this?!

We don't.

ShatnersWig · 28/02/2019 08:56

let's face it ALL men seem to spend ridiculous amounts of time on the toilet.

No, we don't. Come on, people, you're better than this.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 28/02/2019 08:56

I've never understood prolonged pooing unless you're constipated, and then surely you would not be doing it every day.
Mind you, I have IBS, so when I go, it's "everything out in 10 seconds".

I don't mind Mr Squiffany taking ages at home, but I hate it when we are out somewhere, and he disappears off for 20 minutes leaving me sitting at a restaurant table on my own like Piffy on a rock bun

Unihorn · 28/02/2019 08:57

I grew up with brothers and a father who did not spend strange amounts of time on the toilet. I was absolutely baffled when I first met my husband and his family to discover that they all spend 20-40 minutes on the toilet?! Especially as he grew up in a house with one toilet and mine had three.

8yo DSD has started to copy her dad now and take a fucking tablet in. I put my foot down.

MiddleClassProblem · 28/02/2019 08:58

DH can be anywhere between 10 and 45 minutes... several times a day... I really hold it against him 😂

But at least I can say he’s full of shit, literally

MiddleClassProblem · 28/02/2019 09:00

let's face it ALL men seem to spend ridiculous amounts of time on the toilet.

Neither DF or DB do. It was definitely a learning h curve being with DH.

MamaDane · 28/02/2019 09:05

My BIL spends AGES on the loo, it always takes me by surprise when we visit. He is single and has no children, so I don't think it's for a break in life.

That said, I've read on reddit that it's super common for family men to do this for me time, as they've said so themselves.

BarbaraofSevillle · 28/02/2019 09:08

I assume that there's no truth in the theory that there are relevant differences in bowel function between men and women?

Anyone medical like to comment?

Mama Perhaps your BIL is taking a break from you?

MamaDane · 28/02/2019 09:11

😂 Barbara that could be the case, but as told by my DP and MIL, he seems to always have been that way.

Vanillaradio · 28/02/2019 09:12

Dh does this. It's usually when we want to go somewhere, I am in the hall trying to get myself and 5 year old ds ready and make sure we have everything we need, dh has disappeared upstairs for a lengthy shit, 20.minutes later we're both standing in the hall waiting for him.....
5 year old has started wandering in for a chat now which reduces the time taken quite a bit!

dingit · 28/02/2019 09:20

Mine takes his tablet and thinks he is hilarious announcing he is going for a download.
He spends almost as much time wiping his bum afterwards using half a toilet toll tthat doesn't all flush
Then to add insult to injury, there are always skid marks on the towel after he showers where he hasn't wiped properly.
We've been married 26 years, our kids are grown up, it still pisses me off every time....

Fuppy · 28/02/2019 09:21

I know several men who spend ages on the toilet who suffer from IBS/piles (some piles bleed a lot and take a while to stop) and are/were too embarrassed to say anything to their partner and/or too scared to see a doctor. My DH is one of these and spends from 30mins - 1h in the bathroom.

I feel your agony, we have only the one toilet, I'm pregnant and need to wee frequently, even with me dancing outside the door it only shaves off 5 mins time and then I enter a cloud of smell that I could chew on, heaving as I wee.

cherrytree63 · 28/02/2019 09:21

My OH has IBS, when he needs to go he can't hold it. He takes himself off to the outside loo where he can smoke and play solitaire on his ipad (who says men can't multitask).
He'll have 2 or 3 half hour sessions in there (he starts at about 5am!!) .
When I questioned why he's in there so long when he doesn't have constipation he said he knows he'll need to go again so he might as well just wait there.
I grew up with 5 brothers and all of us (except my poor mum who had too much to do) would take a paper or magazine in the loo.
I've grown out of it

Purplecatshopaholic · 28/02/2019 09:24

My ex used to do this. I thought he had a medical problem until I realised he took his phone in there with him...lol. Seems a weird thing to do but I am female!

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 28/02/2019 09:27

It's a bloke thing.
My DF used to take the paper and disappear, saying, 'I'm going to commune with my soul.' 😀

From experience with dh too, it's no use saying, 'Why can't you wait until you need to go, and then just do it?'
I gave up long ago.

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