Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

IAB completely U but let me rant?

89 replies

Findingthingstough18 · 27/02/2019 12:28

I am a spoilt, horrid brat but I need to rant!

I am on holiday (in an absolutely beautiful part of the country with unexpectedly gorgeous weather) with DH, DS (7 months) and my PIL. Who are lovely. But DS is waking up every 90 minutes at night (I think maybe teeth, but maybe he just hates the travel cot, who knows? - Calpol isn't helping if it is teeth) and because we're all in one room DH and I can't take shifts like we do with his shit sleep at home. I am beyond tired (so is DH, too, obviously). This morning I had to get up with DS at 5am and then try and entertain him very quietly so I didn't wake up PIL for 3.5 fucking hours. I am finding my objectively lovely, kind PIL - who paid for this holiday and are generally generous, nice and adore DS with a fierce passion - beyond irritating. DS refuses to be spoonfed and so we're doing a reluctant form of baby-led weaning - PIL are being very vocal about how this is the Source Of All The Problems (the new one, since I gave up breastfeeding and it turned out giving him a bottle was not the answer to all) and it's stressing me out massively, partially because I think deep down they're right: he isn't getting enough solids to eat and I don't know how to solve it. But also because I am tired tired tired, a massive ungrateful cow and a grumpy horrible person. I also think I may be on the verge of getting my first post-partum period, which would be a real cherry on the cake.

DH told me to excuse myself and pretend I have work to do today so I could get out of the daytrip and come and drink coffee by myself in the nearest town (no wifi at holiday cottage), I think because he could tell I was in such a grump that I was at risk for ruining things for everyone. Which made me feel incredibly guilty, but I still can't shake myself out of this childish sulk. Does someone want to hand me a grip, a little bit of (pretty undeserved) sympathy or even some actual advice?!

OP posts:
janetforpresident · 27/02/2019 12:31

Before one food is for fun. He will be getting enough but milk forms a large part of his diet at this age. It's far more likely he is unsettled by the new surroundings or teething. BLW is great so don't worry.

I assume DH will get up at 5.30am tomorrow so you can have a lie in?

WiddlinDiddlin · 27/02/2019 12:32

I don't think you are being unreasonable that sounds pretty miserable to me!

Eatmycheese · 27/02/2019 12:33

A seven month old will not eat loads. at this stage they are experimenting with taste, texture and so forth.

How much milk is he having
Why did you stop breastfeeding - you seem sad about it?

I can only empathise with the lack of sleep since two of my three seem to make Thatcher’s required four hours look like a sleep marathon. It is fucking hideous, and not betting any better for me.

But well done on going on holiday with your in laws.
Chin up.
Forget the WiFi. Buy yourself some wine and a good book.

You will soon be home 🤪

MissB83 · 27/02/2019 12:33

Handhold here OP ThanksI totally get it. Tried doing a few little trips away with DS before he turned 1, and realised it's not the same... you don't have holidays with a baby, you just take the problems to a different location! So we went and didn't sleep at a couple of different holiday homes during regressions etc as he didn't like the cot, or we couldn't replicate our home arrangements. I have given up on holidays for the time being, it seems like the best thing for babies is to stick to their routine. Adding in the "helpful" advice on top of the no sleep... no wonder you're feeling fed up. You'll be home soon!!!

ReaganSomerset · 27/02/2019 12:34

Holidays can unsettle even the calmest of babies, I would try not to stress too much. WRT food, at this age he is getting the vast majority of his calories from milk- I doubt he's hungry. Just take it at his pace and don't worry about it (I know that's difficult!). For ease, have you tried Ella's Kitchen melty sticks? Not much nutritional value admittedly, but good for him to practice getting things in his mouth!

Original poster
Findingthingstough18 · 27/02/2019 12:34

Yes, he did it the morning before and will take his turn again tomorrow. And, to be honest, is doing more during the night - as I said, I'm an unreasonable and ungrateful cow!

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 27/02/2019 12:34

Actually I don’t think you are

They came on holiday with a 7 month old they wake at 5
He has two parents do shifts
Food has absolutely nothing to do with it main source should still be milk

MissB83 · 27/02/2019 12:34

Also agree with others not to worry about food, 7 months old is very tiny, just give him some bits and pieces to mess about with, ideally similar to what you are having.

Bunnyhop1502 · 27/02/2019 12:34

My DC never settled well at that age when we went away so you are probably right about the travel cot not helping. You are very tired and perfectly entitled to feel the pressure. Maybe take DH’s advice this time and go and have a few hours alone to gather yourself back up and it’s his turn to get up with baby tomorrow Star

DobbyLovesSocks · 27/02/2019 12:35

When my DS was teething i always found nurofen better than calpol. Not sure if you can use it under a year though? What about teething gel? Hope it gets better - it sucks when LO's are ill

JellyBaby666 · 27/02/2019 12:35

Tell your PIL's you can't force feed your child, and that milk is giving him everything he needs, but if they have any actual advice to please share away but simply making comments helps noone! As for the sleep, can one of you sleep in a different room/on the sofa (if comfy) and you can trade off on the baby at 5am with hopefully one of you having had some sleep?

YANBU. Sleep deprivation is torture.

OMGithurts · 27/02/2019 12:35

7 month olds don't eat loads. A belly full of pureed carrot never made anyone sleep. Take your husbands offer, get a break. It is bloody hard to be cheerful when you're on your knees with tiredness and someone is telling you It's All Your Fault Because You're Doing Babies Wrong.

Angelicinnocent · 27/02/2019 12:36

Lots of sympathy and it's definitely not undeserved. Anything can unsettle them at that age and you will probably never know what it was. Just ride it out and chill whenever you can.

Arowana · 27/02/2019 12:36

At 7 months I don’t think that not enough solids is the problem - lots of 7 month babies are still largely fed on milk (which is much more filling than solids anyway). So ignore your PILs (who may well be lovely generally but do sound a bit annoying on that front).

IMO it’s probably the travel cot. All my DC slept poorly away from home.

My advice is to take your DH up on his suggestion and get some daytime sleep / relaxation. Don’t feel guilty - the whole point of a holiday is to have a break!

MissEliza · 27/02/2019 12:37

Oh no that sounds so stressful. I actually found that age pretty stressful between teething, introduction of solids etc. Having the world and his wife chipping in with advice just added to the stress. You and your little one need to figure things out for yourselves. Turn a deaf ear to your PILs.
You really need a sleep. Put your foot down and insist on either a lie in tomorrow or a nap.

Original poster
Findingthingstough18 · 27/02/2019 12:38

I stopped breastfeeding when I went back to work at 6 months - I didn't mean to stop entirely, I was going to still breastfeed when I was around but first I stopped at night because doing all the nightfeeds and then going to work was sending me actually mental, and then either DS developed a bottle preference or my supply dropped so much it was frustrating for him because he started screaming whenever I tried to breastfeed him. I do feel sad about it and would have done things differently in hindsight (especially since it turned out giving up breastfeeding at night improved DS's sleep for two weeks and then it went back to as shit as before), but it's done now.

OP posts:
TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup · 27/02/2019 12:40

If you have focus on solid food is he maybe waking cos he is hungry? Make sure he is still getting all the usual feeds he would have been, solid food should be introduced gradually anyway so he can chew/spit out peas or whatever but it shouldn't be his main food source yet.

Hope you have a lovely time by yourself today.

knitandpearl · 27/02/2019 12:41

Yabu for going on holiday with PIL! (Joking, kind of, before everyone tells me off)
At 7 months they're still learning the mechanics of actually eating. Don't worry and try and laugh off/ ignore all their helpful advice. It's not unusual for people to completely forget the realities of what babies were like/doing at what age. I barely remember more than the edited highlights with my eldest dc...

Original poster
Findingthingstough18 · 27/02/2019 12:42

You're all being very nice - it's making me feel even more guilty! To be clear I have taken DH up on his offer - I was halfway out the door before he'd finished his sentence! Currently eating cake...

OP posts:
Original poster
Findingthingstough18 · 27/02/2019 12:46

7 month olds don't eat loads.

I know everyone is going to tell me not to compare to other babies, and I know you're all right, but my WhatsApp is daily full of pictures of pictures of all my antenatal friends' babies eating in a meal about what DS is managing in a week... The health visitor helpfully told me that I shouldn't do BLW because he wouldn't eat enough and would get horribly iron-deficient, and when I asked how to spoonfeed him when it makes him cry she said to distract him and put the food in his mouth without him noticing...!

OP posts:
Soubriquet · 27/02/2019 12:46

Honestly don’t worry about food

Make sure his milk supply is kept up as normal and just give small snacks of food not meals.

Also, does he have an actual mattress in the travel cot?

My dd couldn’t sleep in one for ages. As a test I stuck a proper mattress in there and she slept like a log.

I can’t see them being the most comfortable places to sleep

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 27/02/2019 12:48

Lots of good advice here. As well as that, go and get a posh coffee and a magazine/book and enjoy the peace for a while. Also, when you get back, can you take a nap while DH takes over your son for a while? Maybe after a kip it will feel more manageable. Always does for me Flowers

ReaganSomerset · 27/02/2019 12:51

DD won't be spoon-fed either. I have to load the spoon up, level it, then give it to her to feed herself. Oh, the mess!

Wallsbangers · 27/02/2019 12:52

Weaning made zero difference to my LOs sleep.

It's a peak development time. There's a sleep regression around 8 months ( I know some people think it's a load of nonsense though), so it could be that. Can you co-sleep? It's the only thing that mean we got any sleep.

museumum · 27/02/2019 12:53

It's probably just a phase by your LO. You and your dh need sleep, you're both off work and have two extra adults - USE THEM!

From today onwards you and your dh take it in half day turns to take the baby with the PILs and the other one sleeps. You sleep this afternoon, then tomorrow one of you sleep in the morning, the other in the afternoon. Tell PILs that you've not slept more than 90mins at a time for days and days and you MUST. GET. SLEEP.