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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

IAB completely U but let me rant?

89 replies

Findingthingstough18 · 27/02/2019 12:28

I am a spoilt, horrid brat but I need to rant!

I am on holiday (in an absolutely beautiful part of the country with unexpectedly gorgeous weather) with DH, DS (7 months) and my PIL. Who are lovely. But DS is waking up every 90 minutes at night (I think maybe teeth, but maybe he just hates the travel cot, who knows? - Calpol isn't helping if it is teeth) and because we're all in one room DH and I can't take shifts like we do with his shit sleep at home. I am beyond tired (so is DH, too, obviously). This morning I had to get up with DS at 5am and then try and entertain him very quietly so I didn't wake up PIL for 3.5 fucking hours. I am finding my objectively lovely, kind PIL - who paid for this holiday and are generally generous, nice and adore DS with a fierce passion - beyond irritating. DS refuses to be spoonfed and so we're doing a reluctant form of baby-led weaning - PIL are being very vocal about how this is the Source Of All The Problems (the new one, since I gave up breastfeeding and it turned out giving him a bottle was not the answer to all) and it's stressing me out massively, partially because I think deep down they're right: he isn't getting enough solids to eat and I don't know how to solve it. But also because I am tired tired tired, a massive ungrateful cow and a grumpy horrible person. I also think I may be on the verge of getting my first post-partum period, which would be a real cherry on the cake.

DH told me to excuse myself and pretend I have work to do today so I could get out of the daytrip and come and drink coffee by myself in the nearest town (no wifi at holiday cottage), I think because he could tell I was in such a grump that I was at risk for ruining things for everyone. Which made me feel incredibly guilty, but I still can't shake myself out of this childish sulk. Does someone want to hand me a grip, a little bit of (pretty undeserved) sympathy or even some actual advice?!

OP posts:
PotteringAlong · 27/02/2019 12:55

Food is fun until you’re one!

I did BLW with all of mine. First 2 were gannets like you see on the pictures. 3rd one didn’t eat anything like a full meal until he was about 14 months old...! Smile

Fullofregrets33 · 27/02/2019 12:55

The joys of holidaying with a young child im afraid. It will get better in a few years xx

FemalePersonator · 27/02/2019 12:55

Rant away, OP! It sounds as though you are having a tough time of it.

Hullabaloo31 · 27/02/2019 12:56

If you think it's teeth, have you tried baby nurofen at night? I found calpol next to useless for most things, but nurofen far, far better for teething upset.

downcasteyes · 27/02/2019 12:57

Ohhhhh, you poor love. You sound so lovely, and so self-aware, but oh so very tired.

First of all, do what your DH suggests. It's not being selfish - it's self-preservation. As his parents' child, he will have strategies for coping with them that you don't have. Take some time out, get a walk in the sunshine, and a breath of fresh air and remember that everything will be OK.

Secondly, you are not ungrateful or a horrible cow - you're tired and having a rough time. Perhaps next time they repeat the same advice about the weaning, just say to them "I have heard you on this, and I am taking it on board and thinking about what to do, but I'm finding this situation really tough, I'm dreadfully tired, and it's upsetting me to talk about it, so if we can avoid it as an issue I'd just be super grateful". And then change the conversation to an idea you have prepared.

downcasteyes · 27/02/2019 12:58

"It's probably just a phase by your LO. You and your dh need sleep, you're both off work and have two extra adults - USE THEM!"

^^ Super advice.

FriarTuck · 27/02/2019 13:03

Don't forget to take DH a cake back - he deserves it for giving you an easy escape and he'll be enthusiastic about repeating the idea if he thinks there'll be another cake!

SpanielEars070 · 27/02/2019 13:08

Firstly, you've learned a value lesson. A "holiday" with DC is no such thing and is simply an exercise in packing your entire house into your car to put said DC into a strange environment and blow their routine out of the water so they are miserable the entire time.

Secondly your ILs had their kids a generation ago so hold little empathy for "modern" ways of doing things. Let your baby experiment and try to shove the odd spoon in when they are distracted... their own cutlery may help with this so their hands are occupied. But no milk fed baby is going to starve from lack of pureed apple!

Stay away as long as you dare Grin

StealthPolarBear · 27/02/2019 13:10

When I get irritated with my lovely pils I search out the threads on here by people who have truly awful pils, and all of a sudden I feel defensive and affectionate to them.
I do know the feeling. It's worse when you know YABU

allinmyhead12 · 27/02/2019 13:10

not sure if this will help or not, if you are making up formula milk it could be the change in water??
My son when we first went camping at a few months old suddenly turned into the child from hell....not like his normal sedate self..he was a good baby...my dad came up with the suggestion of the change in water. sounds daft but i went a brought bottled water boiled that and used that and by the next day he was fine.
From then on i either brought the ready made to take or bottled water.
saved the campsite from listening to the screams...cant hide that noise in a tent lol

user1474894224 · 27/02/2019 13:18

Bless you. Holidays can be hell. The only thing that worked for me when they were little was co-sleeping on holiday. So if possible stick DH on the sofa and see if it helps. It does get better.....

caringcarer · 27/02/2019 13:22

I have a fantastic MIl and would just tell her I am sleep deprived to point of exhaustion and she would probably offer to get up at 5am for one night. Could you ask in laws to do one night? I fed mine real food like a carrot pand potato cooked with no salt and pured. I gave them spoon which they dipped in food and smeared about and let them lick bits off spoon. My dd did BLW with her baby and he did not seem to eat anything until about 11 months and so I thought he might be hungry but he seemed fine.

Original poster
Findingthingstough18 · 27/02/2019 13:23

I don't think cosleeping will work, unfortunately - he can (commando) crawl and roll and if you put him down in the centre of the bed he gets to the edge in a second so I'd be very worried about him falling out of bed, and in any case now I don't breastfeed I haven't got a way of settling him without getting out of bed: he isn't a baby who will be just cuddled to sleep (in fact it makes him very, very cross) - he wants either motion (being walked around the room) or a bottle.

OP posts:
CaMePlaitPas · 27/02/2019 13:23

I have an 8 month old who is pretty much doing the same thing. Last night was OK but I'm so exhausted I fell asleep on my face whilst putting her down for a nap earlier. You're not being unreasonable OP, it really is this hard. Sending love and solidarity!

IvanaPee · 27/02/2019 13:26

Holidays with babies are shit! They’re in unfamiliar surroundings, everything is weird and different for them. They still need their routine. And, in your case, you’re trying to manage their impact on other people!

Give yourself a break!

Make sure to take it easy and don’t try to fill your days with stuff that will exhaust you knowing you’ve a sleepless night ahead of you.

If he’s teething, I found rubbing a tiny drop of vanilla on the gums soothed mine wonderfully.

Would he settle more if you co-slept for the rest of the week?

Try not to feel guilty, your guilt will make you grouchier! Just accept that holidays with babies are shite but by the time he’s 10, it’ll be better 😂💐

Peridot1 · 27/02/2019 13:27

YANBU.

It’s probably a mixture of things as everyone has said.

Travel cot - what’s the mattress like? My nephew is older than your DS but last time he stayed I put a folded up single duvet under the mattress which felt more comfortable to me. He certainly slept better than the first time they stayed and I hadn’t done that.

Food - when DS was 8 months we took him on holiday to
Thailand. We bought jars of food and they weren’t what he was used to so he wasn’t keen. We found that if DH stood directly behind me as I was feeding DS and opened his mouth as i held the spoon towards DS, DS would do the same! And so I managed to get him to eat mostly by doing that. With DH stood behind me opening and closing his mouth like a fish. Desperate measures!

BlackCatSleeping · 27/02/2019 13:29

I always found it a nightmare going on holiday with the kids when they were little. Ignore what people say on any kind of social media. It's all bullshit. Ignore "helpful" advice from the in-laws. Hang in there! You'll be home soon.

Mmmhmmm · 27/02/2019 13:29

My 10 month old is still mostly bottle fed, she's fine. Your PIL's are talking shite, it's been, what, 30 years since they had their own baby? 🤔

I'd go take a nap personally.

lisamac28 · 27/02/2019 13:31

But DS is waking up every 90 minutes at night

I'll probably get shot down in flames for saying this but...would your DS take a dummy? When my DD had trouble sleeping at night, a dummy helped her sleep through the night.

Bluetrews25 · 27/02/2019 13:33

You might want to re-assess if you will holiday with PILs again in future, as this seems to be increasing your stress levels.

cheeseypuff · 27/02/2019 13:33

My MIL is still vocal about the fact that she thinks my 2 boys (6 & 9) don't eat what she deems to be enough Angry. When we are at hers she is always trying to give them seconds, encourage them to have "just one more spoonful" & it gives me the rage.

They chose to come on holiday with you/invite you to come & they have had a 7 month old once so they know what they're like. You are doing the best you can under challenging circumstances & they should be supporting, not making you feel bad.

I would second the co-sleeping whilst you are away - if you're comfortable with it. Good luck OP!

Original poster
Findingthingstough18 · 27/02/2019 13:39

You might want to re-assess if you will holiday with PILs again in future, as this seems to be increasing your stress levels.

DH is having a great time (despite being exhausted) and PIL are absolutely loving all the time they're spending with DS, so even though I'm struggling a bit it would be v selfish to stop the holidays for everyone! I know deep down that the problem isn't PIL - I suspect Mother Theresa (weird example but I couldn't think of a famously non-annoying person??) could piss me off right now, I'm in that kind of mood!

OP posts:
Original poster
Findingthingstough18 · 27/02/2019 13:44

Also, PIL are trying really hard to be helpful in the day but they're in their 70s, I'm not asking them to get up at 5am, and also I think they don't really know what to do with DS when he gets upset. I know I should go for a nap but I hate, hate, hate sleeping in the day, it always makes me feel so terrible afterwards - groggy and out of sorts (even more so!).

OP posts:
oh4forkssake · 27/02/2019 13:45

Ignore your health visitor. Especially if you're feeding him formula and he's getting his full feeds (which it sounds like he is), it's fortified with iron isn't it!? She's talking bollocks.

We went on a last minute holiday to a very beautiful place when DD1 was 14 months and I was 7 months pregnant with DD2. It was a one bedroomed cottage and DD1 (who was always a brilliant sleeper) woke at 4.30 every morning with a little "Ha-woah" from the mesh of the travel cot. It was a total nightmare. You have my sympathies!

Original poster
Findingthingstough18 · 27/02/2019 13:47

It was a one bedroomed cottage and DD1 (who was always a brilliant sleeper) woke at 4.30 every morning with a little "Ha-woah" from the mesh of the travel cot. It was a total nightmare.

Haha, DS waking up for the first time at 4.30 would be the best night of sleep he has ever had in his entire life...!

OP posts:
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