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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

18 & 27 year old?

129 replies

theure · 26/02/2019 22:06

A friend of mine is 18 and is dating a 27 year old.

I find this a bit weird and looking for opinions as to whether I'm just being ridiculous and having too many opinions?
Would anyone else consider this a bit strange? Or is it socially acceptable after someone's 18?

OP posts:
LordVoldetort · 27/02/2019 20:29

I have an 8 year age gap and I was younger when I got together with DP
People said it wouldn’t last... I have spent over half my life with him now.
Admittedly, the age gap was awkward in the beginning for things like going to the pub but that was it.

Saying that, I probably wouldn’t want it for my daughter and our parents weren’t keen at the time but this sort of age gap, at this age, can work

SKT92 · 27/02/2019 20:34

Mumsnet is one of the only places on the internet where I’ve seen this pushed as totally ok. I find people in their late 20’s who want to date teenagers quite weird. Yes, legally it’s fine, but both are at completely different life stages. You can repeat ‘age is just a number’ as much as you like. But an 18 year old has just left school (or is still in school), where as a 27 year old could have graduated university and been working full time for years.

All the men I’ve met who date teens when they’re in their 20s and older have been either been total creeps, or just...off

completely agree - thesinisterdiagram, you worded it better than I could! I would find it so bizarre if one of my friends told me they were dating a 18 year old

itsstillgood · 27/02/2019 20:54

Or they could be socially awkward men and mature girls. I met my dh at 18 and he was 28. My mum had been ill for years and I was at college, caring for her, and running a house. My dh was living off take aways in a room in a shared house. There was many ways he was more experienced than me but I was a competent adult and in some ways more experienced than him, never felt like older man dating teen, we were adults with different experiences. It's 22 years and 2 kids later. I think unless there is a reason to think the 18yo is vulnerable or immature then that age gap is not in the slightest bit a concern.

motherheroic · 27/02/2019 21:05

I am 26 and wouldn't even think about dating a woman under 22.

motherheroic · 27/02/2019 21:08

I have always found grown men going for teenagers creepy. According to the people in this thread it would also be fine if she was 16 'because it's legal'. No critical thinking is applied when it comes to this topic on this site.

RainbowMum11 · 27/02/2019 21:10

DSis was 19 when she started dating DBil 29 - 22 years ago - still going strong.

JMKid · 27/02/2019 21:11

I teach 18 year olds in 6th form, I would find it inappropriate when I see maturity levels that an 18 year demonstrates.

BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil · 27/02/2019 21:18

it’s about life stage, not age per se. you could have an 18yo dating a 27yo and they both be at the same ‘stage’ so to speak, particularly if you have a mature 18yo. It’s a somewhat equal balance (dependent on circumstance).

However, a 27 yo with a child and a career is a far cry from an 18yo just starting at university.

tiredybear · 27/02/2019 21:22

i was 18 and my partner 26 when we met at uni..still very much together after nearly 20 years. age is just a number once you're an adult.

MorganKitten · 27/02/2019 21:25

I was 18 with a 30 year old partner. Lasted 4 years.

Februaryblooms · 27/02/2019 21:41

There's 9 years between me and my DP, doesn't seem as large a gap because I'm in my 20's and he's in his 30's.

There's a large difference in life experience between 18 and 27 though.

whycantIthinkofadecentusername · 27/02/2019 22:23

Brill. I must be weird then. I was 18 when I met DP. He had just turned 34. FWIW he has no kids. No relationship. Both of us wanted a casual relationship. But I was his equal in every way.

13 years later I still am his equal, we have a DS, two dogs and a home together. We hold the same values, have joint and separate interest and have outlasted most of our respective friends relationships. So yes it can and does work, even when you're both on the receiving end of judgement. Just be supportive for your friend and not judge. It may work out. It may not, just like any other relationship.

hellhavenofury · 28/02/2019 10:42

@CJsGoldfish no nothing 'seriously' wrong here thank you and I will take quite offence to that. At 19 I wasn't a child, working full time, living alone. It all depends on circumstances and maturity. No not success of our relationship, the success of our relationship is that we are equal partners, very happy and have just booked our wedding! Age has never come into it. Until you have experienced it, you can't really have a fact based opinion!

hellhavenofury · 28/02/2019 10:44

@pallisers My parents took a little while to get used to it but now they are over the moon and love us as a couple and see we are good together and for each other. If they were 'horrified' as you say I am not sure my relationship with them would be as good as it is now!!!

CJsGoldfish · 28/02/2019 19:49

@CJsGoldfish no nothing 'seriously' wrong here thank you

If you say so.

I'm sorry but no 44 year old 'man' is seeking a teen unless there is something off with him.
I can see how the material side of things would make him an attractive option to a teen. I can def understand that.

hellhavenofury · 28/02/2019 20:52

There is nothing ‘off’ with my fiancée thank you. He comes from a very privileged back ground and a very successful man.

There was no material side that was more attractive as I was and still am self efficient and earn just as much has he does.

I love people on MN who think they know everything and categorise everyone! Enjoy the sheltered thinking!

thefirst48 · 28/02/2019 20:56

So if you have kids he will be a pensioner before they hit adulthood?

pallisers · 28/02/2019 21:07

You earned the same amount as a 44 year old successful man at age 18. Wow.

hellhavenofury · 28/02/2019 21:08

No chance of kids here!!

currantbeings · 28/02/2019 21:10

Haha! That’s nothing. I was 18 and my OH (now fiancé) was 32.

7 years down the line with one DC, another on the way and a wedding to plan we’re very happy.

SpareASquare · 28/02/2019 22:01

There is nothing ‘off’ with my fiancée thank you. He comes from a very privileged back ground and a very successful man
Oh well, that completely changes things. No privileged, successful, older man ever turned out to be a perv Grin

You really think a 44 yr old man trawling for a teenager is as stellar as can be?

Applesaregreenandred · 28/02/2019 23:01

I think a lot of posters who have the view 'meh - they're both adults ' would not see it that way if it was their 18 year old daughter dating a 27 year old!

That's said - I wouldn't see the 9 year age difference an issue in a few years time - say 21/30.

dontgobaconmyheart · 28/02/2019 23:41

I started dating my DP (of 12 years) when I was 18, he's 9 years older than me, and still the nicest, most well liked person I know. I can't think of anyone that finds him creepy or that found it creepy at the time, my family all loved him from the off.
We met at work hanging out in a large group of people socially who were anything from 18-50, it never occurred to me that it could be sinister.

At 18 I had already moved out, worked full time and studied my degree on the side, didnt drink, and was quite mature for my age. I'd had a 2 year relationship prior so there was no naivety involved, other thsn generally being young. 18 year old men with no emotional maturity or independence pawing at you on the dancefloor and catcalling you in other puerile ways would hardly have been a less sinister pairing if I had opted for that. My DP was a breath of fresh air and the age difference is little more than the occasional source of mockery about who remembers what from the 80s Grin

At 18 so long as there are no extenuating circumstances such as vulnerability or abuse, I can't see what business it would be of anyone's, or what the concern should be. I would be worrying how they were treating them if that was appropriate,or if there were red flags, not the age gap, which isn't that gaping.

CJsGoldfish · 02/03/2019 01:52

There is nothing ‘off’ with my fiancée thank you. He comes from a very privileged back ground and a very successful man
That fact that you seem SO focused on the materialistic probably made you a very easy target. Often it is the fact that a man IS privileged and IS successful/wealthy that enables them to get away with the things they do

There was no material side that was more attractive as I was and still am self efficient and earn just as much has he does
I'm sorry but I don't believe for a second that you earn just as much as your 'very successful man'. Not at 19 you wouldn't have.

I love people on MN who think they know everything and categorise everyone! Enjoy the sheltered thinking!
Sweetheart, it's far from sheltered thinking. It's age and life experience. It's being realistic about what a 44 yr old man is looking for when he targets a teenager.

siestakey · 02/03/2019 01:59

My boyfriend is 16 years older than me, I'm 20. Been together 2 years nearly :)

It's only weird if you make it weird.

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