18 & 27 year old?

[theure]

A friend of mine is 18 and is dating a 27 year old.

I find this a bit weird and looking for opinions as to whether I'm just being ridiculous and having too many opinions?
Would anyone else consider this a bit strange? Or is it socially acceptable after someone's 18?

Personally I’d be uncomfortable. I’m assuming the guy is 27?

It might be perfectly fine but there’s definitely an unequal power dynamic with a 27 yo going out with an 18 yo. 27 is a fully matured adult, where as 18 is still very young an inexperienced. Put it this way, a 27 year old has been an adult for 9 years, and had 9 years experience of the adult world, where as an 18 year old has been an adult for a matter of months, and they haven’t reached brain maturation yet. I’m always a bit sus about these relationships, because so many are unhealthy, so no, YANBU.

Oh and FYI, I was seeing, and later married a much older man who I met when I was just 18. It wasn’t a healthy relationship.

Just for clarification, 18 yo is female, 27 yo is male.

I guess IABU but I can't help just feeling like it's a bit weird, an almost 30 year old with a teen?
I agree that 9 years isn't a big deal at 30-39 for example but it's just her being 18, it seems weird!

because in my personal experience it’s 100% always the woman who is younger in this particular situation

Your personal experience isn't indicative of all relationships though

I dated a guy when I was 18 who was 27. 10 years on and we are happily married with a beautiful baby boy.

Age is just a number and as long as both the couple are happy it is none of your business!

Really it’s none of your business. You can get mature 18 year old and immature 27 year olds but really it’s nothing to do with you

Same age gap as me and DH, 16 and 25 when we met, been together nearly 30 years

To answer a pp question, no I didn’t consider a relationship with a teenager in my 20’s as I was living with (and married) my now husband who I met at 20.

I'm 12 years older than my husband. Apparently that makes me creepy. I'll be sure to inform him.

I would not be happy if my 18 year old daughter was dating a 27 year old. However I do realise that is my issue.
Thankfully, she is still in school and facing into major exams so dating anyone is the last thing on her mind !!

My mum wasn’t delighted at my dating an older man. By the time I moved in with him she loved him to bits and preferred him to me!

Re my assumption that it’s the guy who is older, in my experience it always is, and furthermore, I’m not sure that a relationship where the woman is older would be viewed with the same concern demonstrated by the OP. The OP may correct me on this of course, but I don’t think I’m wrong in thinking a woman seeing an 18 year old would be viewed in the same way, and that is of course because of the sexual element. Women don’t have the same means to coerce young men in the same way that older men do to young women. Also I don’t think most 27 yo women would want to go out with an 18 yo man, and if they did it would probably be greeted with ‘are you serious?’ Rather than unease.

2 of my friends dated and are now married to guys with that exact age gap, really not an issue

It depends why you're worrying really, is the 18 yo particularly vulnerable? Is the 27yo controlling? Or vice-versa?

I was 20 when I met my DH...he was 29 🤷‍♀️

needthisthread no, it’s certainly not indicative of all relationships. But I’ve never known anyone in a heterosexual relationship to have a 9+ year age gap with someone they’re dating under 18 where it wasn’t the female who wasn’t the one under 18.

I have known of precisely one couple who buck my trend with a big age gap with the man being younger, who got together when he was 32ish and she was 47ish. An even bigger, and in some ways more shocking gap?.... However he was 32 years old and had a huge amount of maturity behind him and the time to be a responsible adult on his own. They are still happily together today, 10+ years on, devoted to one another, and he’s a happy step grandparent to her grandchildren.

But to be fair on me OP has just clarified and my assumption was right, so....... 👍🏼

"It’s not the age gap it’s the age of the younger partner. No one would bat an eyelid at a 30 year old with a 39 year old because they are both mature adults. An 18 year old is probably still at school, living with their parents and being subbed cash. A 27 year old, even with 3 years out for a degree, has probably been working and living independently for 6 years. There is a huge imbalance in experience."

I agree with this.

At 18, I married a 24 year old. He certainly controlled me. At 26 I married a 37 year old, he certainly thought he could control me, given my history.

At 36, I began a relationship with someone 4 years older than me, who recognises me as his equal and would not dream of controlling me.

I would just keep a watchful and supportive eye. It can be wrong, but it also can be right.

Realise I said under 18 in my post - meant 18!

But I’ve never known anyone in a heterosexual relationship to have a 9+ year age gap with someone they’re dating under 18 where it wasn’t the female who wasn’t the one under 18

The thread isn't about under 18's. That's a different situation altogether.

Ah cross post!

Personally, I think it is very big age gap at that age. A 60 year old married to 69 year old is not such a major thing. But at 18, I think it is a very big age gap. I would say the life experience and expectations may be very different.

I'm with you OP. I'd find it strange that someone in their late 20s wanted to be with someone not much more than a child.

My first long term relationship was when I was 18, my ex was 26. It was a wonderful relationship and although we split up when I was 21 on good terms it was a great example of how a relationship should be.

Definitely depends on the people involved, I was mature at 18 having already moved out of home for example and was working and paying bills, had I still been in sixth form it would have been less appropriate maybe.

Mumsnet is one of the only places on the internet where I’ve seen this pushed as totally ok. I find people in their late 20’s who want to date teenagers quite weird. Yes, legally it’s fine, but both are at completely different life stages. You can repeat ‘age is just a number’ as much as you like. But an 18 year old has just left school (or is still in school), where as a 27 year old could have graduated university and been working full time for years.

All the men I’ve met who date teens when they’re in their 20s and older have been either been total creeps, or just...off

I agree with PopcOrn and whoever they are quoting from P1 (Sorry, see who the original poster is).

I have a 17and a 1/2 yr old, still at school. The idea of her (still at school) in 6 months time going out with a 27 yr old man, is a very different prospect from dd1 (who is 20 and been living away from home for 2 years) going out with a 29 yr old. If isn't the number of years age gap, it is the number of years experience at being an adult.

Could be fine. we don't know either person, but, on paper, it makes me a bit wary.