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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

OH and Op and worried

87 replies

howwillwedeal · 26/02/2019 21:18

DH since I've know him (36 years) has probably had in total 10 days sick from work. He's lucky blessed with good health.

However, he now needs a serious ankle operation and will be off for around 7-8 months.

I feel terrified and I don't know why, but I just do.....it's going to be so different for him and I'm worried how he'll cope, how I'll cope. I'm petrified this will lead to something else and he won't go back etc etc. I'm worried he'll get depressed and how he'll not be bored all day!

Please calm me down and tell me soonest done, soonest mended and it'll all be fine and he'll be free of pain in the future.

I'm normally extremely calm and level headed but this has sent me into a right frenzy!

OP posts:
flimbo1212 · 26/02/2019 21:21

If he has been blessed with good health, can we assume he doesnt suffer from depression?

7-8 months off work may actually be fun, assuming he is not in pain with his ankle.

That is a very long time for an ankle operation isn't it though

Original poster
howwillwedeal · 26/02/2019 21:25

It's a triple fusion operation, it is a very big operation in terms of recovery, he has a physical job so can't go back sooner.

He is blessed with good health and no history of depression, I'm maybe overacting and need to hang on to this time next year he'll be pain free and we can enjoy walks together again.

I'm maybe getting over anxious.

OP posts:
maras2 · 26/02/2019 21:29

Do you mean 7-8 weeks off? Confused

Original poster
howwillwedeal · 26/02/2019 21:32

No @maras2 it's 7-8 months! They break the ankle and put in various plates and bolts! It's six weeks non weight bearing, three months cast and three months boot!

OP posts:
LotsToThinkOf · 26/02/2019 21:33

YABU, and hysterical. It’s 7-8 weeks and it’s his ankle. Get some perspective.

LotsToThinkOf · 26/02/2019 21:34

7-8 months, it’s not forever. You need to calm down.

adaline · 26/02/2019 21:35

YABU, and hysterical. It’s 7-8 weeks and it’s his ankle. Get some perspective.

Re-read the OP!

HoppityFrog3 · 26/02/2019 21:37

Are you worried about him, being bored etc?

Or are you worried about how you will cope with him being there 24/7 for 7-8 months, and him getting under your feet/getting on your nerves/dominating the TV/invading your personal space?

ColeHawlins · 26/02/2019 21:37

"Terrified" is quite a strong word. Can you articulate what it is you're afraid of exactly?

Original poster
howwillwedeal · 26/02/2019 21:37

@LotsToThinkOf no I'm not! It's 7-8 MONTHS!

Can you not read the OP?

OP posts:
babysharkah · 26/02/2019 21:37

Can he go to work in the cast?

HoppityFrog3 · 26/02/2019 21:38

I ask this because it's a common problem for women to be driven batshit by a man being at home 24/7, and actually become very stressed by it.

flimbo1212 · 26/02/2019 21:39

Oh dear.

The OP is not being hysterical

You are not at all OP

You are maybe overthinking things a little, perhaps (which is a trait I have

As long as he is pain free, he may find it a welcome break. All those netflix box sets, maybe he could take up a hobby such as painting, after the initial part of recovery.

There are various ways he could earn a bit of cash sat on the sofa with the PC

He could do various bits like your online shopping

I think you are right, look at the bigger picture, in 12 months you guys will be laughing - together x

flimbo1212 · 26/02/2019 21:40

Do you work OP? Will you need to be off to care for him, initially?

Original poster
howwillwedeal · 26/02/2019 21:40

@HoppityFrog3 no I work, it's how he's going to fill all those days while I'm out. Concerned about him getting bored and low.

He's very active (we sit in the garden and he'll be up, cutting things, clearing up) so it's going to come as a big shock that he can't just do those things.

I am going to try and work from home one day a week, at least he'll have company!

OP posts:
NicksWife08 · 26/02/2019 21:41

Has he or you joined the ankle fusion group on Facebook? There are some recovering quicker.
Where is he having it done? I know Royal national orthopaedic offer a lot of support and rehabilitation after.

However, I'm not going to be much good here as I'm also supposed to have this done but have delayed instead as the recovery process is so long and seems incredibly painful and I say this after I've had a spinal fusion, two c sections, and a previous rebuild and realignment of my ankle and knee involving an ilizaroth frame.

I honestly don't blame you for feeling how you do, I really hope all goes ok but you definitely will find more support on the specific Facebook group.

YahBasic · 26/02/2019 21:42

I may need something similar in the future. If he’s been in significant pain, just focus on the long-term improved quality of life.

Have you spoken to him about what he’s planning to do while he’s off and can weight bear?

pallisers · 26/02/2019 21:42

OP, I think you are being sensible thinking through how this will work for you and him. Because honestly being non-weight bearing for 6 weeks and not working for 8 months will have a big impact on the way you live your lives. For those 6 weeks, there will be a lot of things he normally does that he won't be able to do. I think it is a good idea to have a chat with him and talk about what it will mean. For example, if there are jobs he normally does that he won't be able to do especially in first 6 weeks, can you swap (he does bills at computer, you do cooking - that kind of thing). How will he keep in touch with people at work - will he want to meet up every now and then. Is there anything he could do during the 8 months like an on-line course that would be interesting/useful. Do you drive? Do you work? how will you get around. How will he get to appointments? That kind of thing. You don't have to have answers for everything but it might help to talk it through.

I don't think you should panic but I would also be worrying a bit if it were me and dh - I think the worrying is just a reminder that this is a new situation and it will be helpful to prepare for it.

I love that you were told you were hysterical!

Original poster
howwillwedeal · 26/02/2019 21:43

@flimbo1212 yes I'm sure initially I can, it's the monotony for him for a few months...... I'm thinking Netflix, jigsaws, puzzle books. He's not a massive reader but hopefully they will help.

OP posts:
ogidni · 26/02/2019 21:44

It is perfectly fine to feel how you feel. This might not seem like a big deal for some previous posters but it clearly is for you, and so YANBU to feel anxious. A lot of this is the fear of the unknown. Talk to him about it, share how you feel and I am sure he will reassure you. 7-8 months comes one day at a time, and there will be lots of things you can both do to make it pass. You clearly care for him, and it is perfectly natural and acceptable to overthink and get anxious when faced with a big change like this.

NicksWife08 · 26/02/2019 21:44

The group in Facebook is called ankle joint fusion. If nothing else he could have people to talk to about how he's progressing.

Original poster
howwillwedeal · 26/02/2019 21:45

@NicksWife08 no! Ankle fusion group on Facebook! Thank you so much for pointing that out.

I'll be on that first thing tomorrow.

He's been told to expect the OP 3-4 months time.

OP posts:
LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 26/02/2019 21:49

He could get through a couple of short open university courses in that time OP - could be a whole new lease of life for him.

I think you're wise to think things through. Does he have friends who could drop by sometimes so it's not just the two of you for weeks on end? You'll need a break too.

Original poster
howwillwedeal · 26/02/2019 21:49

@ogidni thank you, my post was not said out of it's going to be hard for me, it's going to be hard for us! More so him obviously, he's worrying about things already .... one of them is gaining weight (he does like a chocolate bar!) and he's normally very active so that will change for a while.

He said today, I'll have to teach you the recycling rules for the bins (Grin) but it's something he always does! Stupid I know!

OP posts:
Reallyevilmuffin · 26/02/2019 21:51

Is there no way he can redeployed to a desk role for some time?

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