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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

OH and Op and worried

87 replies

howwillwedeal · 26/02/2019 21:18

DH since I've know him (36 years) has probably had in total 10 days sick from work. He's lucky blessed with good health.

However, he now needs a serious ankle operation and will be off for around 7-8 months.

I feel terrified and I don't know why, but I just do.....it's going to be so different for him and I'm worried how he'll cope, how I'll cope. I'm petrified this will lead to something else and he won't go back etc etc. I'm worried he'll get depressed and how he'll not be bored all day!

Please calm me down and tell me soonest done, soonest mended and it'll all be fine and he'll be free of pain in the future.

I'm normally extremely calm and level headed but this has sent me into a right frenzy!

OP posts:
DameFanny · 26/02/2019 22:37

How about getting him knitting OP? Traditional habit of sailors stuck in small places, plus it keeps your hands too busy for chocolate and when he goes back to work he'd have at least a plain scarf?

A PP's suggestion of an OU course was good too - maybe something aligned with his day job that could get him a step up the ladder? But timed for when he's over the worst and off the heavy duty drugs

howwillwedeal · 26/02/2019 22:37

@schnubbins thank you, thank you, thank you!

That's exactly what I'd hoped for! I suppose I was a little bit shocked but as you say you cooed and are pain free and glad you've had it done.

He doesn't have to have the bone graft luckily.

Hopefully this tine next year I'll be posting to say we've just had a lovely long walk, something we've not done for a long while.

OP posts:
TheBigFatMermaid · 26/02/2019 22:38

OP, I get the fear, I really do, but I broke my ankle in three places, had to have two plates and nine pins in all and broke it in April and was back to work by the beginning of August.

They always give you the worst case scenario, then our minds go to even worse. I was told when I first did it in April that I would be lucky to be even walking by Christmas.

This seems to be a planned and controlled thing, so likely a better recovery than my slipping on spilt beer, then a 'friend' falling onto my ankle.

Just try not to go to the worst case scenario all the time, try to keep calm and just deal what happens as it happens.

flimbo1212 · 26/02/2019 22:38

OK I think OP has now agreed with your point, several times, that some are worse off LotstoThinkof, you don't need to keep reiterating and derailing

howwillwedeal · 26/02/2019 22:39

@LotsToThinkOf read the OP properly before you make snap judgements on! Just a suggestion, might show you in a better light!

OP posts:
howwillwedeal · 26/02/2019 22:42

@TheBigFatMermaid ouch! Yes I did think they might be worse case scenario saying, fingers crossed he'll be better before then.

OP posts:
Tidy2018 · 26/02/2019 22:44

OP - I understand your worries, but I think you're in a bit of a panic and should slow down a wee bit. It's elective surgery, which gives you time to plan ahead and take some control. If you have reason to be concerned about your own health due to stress, perhaps address that with your GP beforehand.

And keep hanging on to that mental picture of DH being painfree and the two of you enjoying your walks together :-))

howwillwedeal · 26/02/2019 22:45

@lifetothefull he can't possibly encroach on my mumsnet! GrinGrin

OP posts:
LotsToThinkOf · 26/02/2019 22:51

Normally if an OP doesn't agree they move on and focus on the advice they actually want Smile. Stop tagging me, I have no further interest in your thread and you have no interest in my opinion.

schnubbins · 26/02/2019 22:52

There is also the option of a' knee scooter' which is basically a scooter that the patient puts his knee on and scoots around .I wouldn't use it for the initial stage of course and I didn't use it at all as I had my operation in winter here and scooting around on ice and snow is not really recommended.Hence the wheelchair as crutches are not great on icey surfaces either.I also used an office chair in the kitchen later to get around or to I would stand at the counter with a stool under my knee and chop veggies etc.after i while you find tour tricks.An apron with a pocket is good in the kitchen and a rucksack for carrying stuff from one room to the next.I have spent so much of my life on crutches i know all the tricks!

howwillwedeal · 26/02/2019 22:55

@LotsToThinkOf nope not interested, if a poster can't read the OP their opinion means nothing!

OP posts:
howwillwedeal · 26/02/2019 22:56

@schnubbins I'll look at the knee scooter, i wonder if it's usable with a cast and boot.

OP posts:
caringcarer · 26/02/2019 22:58

When my dh broke his back in a car accident he was in hospital for three weeks and then home but had to sleep on a blow up mattress in the middle of the lounge as had to ware a body cast. TBH he was on strong drugs Oramorph for several weeks and so slept a lot. Then tramadil for about 3 weeks. After this he begun to get bored. I bought him the entire box sets of Midsummer Murders. He also listened to audio books. I am at home so ended up playing chess with him. One game each day. Ir was in summer and he watched some cricket matches. He was home for five months but could go back as he has an office job, so sitting. I found my dh got tired very easily but maybe it was medication he was on. He could get up stairs after about four months.

Wanderlusting99 · 26/02/2019 23:00

I did myself an injury, on the sofa for several months before the op, took a few months afterwards to be able to drive and get back to work, the first few weeks were hard as I'm a very active person, then I started doing some training from my sofa, ended up replanning my life, started a business, when I went back to work I was made redundant within 6 months (not related to injury and time off) but I had those extra skills to fall back on, now earn 4x what I did before the injury. Also I watched a hell of a lot of National Geographic day time tv and am now the foremost authority in any pub quiz on how things are made or air disasters of the 1980s.

GabsAlot · 26/02/2019 23:01

my dh was off for three months with a broken arm-done my head in towards the end but he coped

Nickpan · 26/02/2019 23:05

not wishing to panic you....how long till he retires after that?

Weathermonger · 26/02/2019 23:05

I can understand where you're coming from. My husband had surgery on his wrist (a much shorter recovery time however) and I had to pick up the tasks he couldn't do (those dratted recycling bins). Like your husband, he is very active and it drove him crazy he couldn't jump up and do what he wanted. In turn I had major surgery and my movement was severely curtailed for a long time. It helped that in both cases we had plans in place. You have a chance now to plan out his recovery, think of all the home aids you will need to buy/rent. Ask questions, do your research and plan for every detail - toilet, showers, meals, mobility, rides to appts, pain management, physio, clothes (to fit over cast) etc. If you can use this time to get organized, I'm sure it will help you cope in the long run. Good luck.

DoJo · 26/02/2019 23:08

I was going to say he'll need a bag of some sort (bum bag?!) and if he likes hot drinks then it might be worth either setting him up a station with everything he needs where he will be, or getting a few thermal mugs etc with lids that either you can make in advance, or he can move around with without scalding himself. It was the main thing that bothered my friend when she was on crutches last year!

howwillwedeal · 26/02/2019 23:09

@Nickpan it's probably 7/8 years, is that an issue?

OP posts:
MitziK · 26/02/2019 23:11

The non weightbearing bit will be the worst (unless he's so physical that hoiking his bodyweight around on his arms is no hardship). Odds are that the crutches will rub his forearms and his palms will be bruised - lots of time spent ensuring they are exactly the right height helps (and, with the NHS, that they're actually a matching pair), plus long sleeved tops and cycling gloves to reduce the pressure.

If it's still too much, pipe insulation will help reduce the impact of the handles - or hastily gaffertaped bubblewrap in a pinch. He might agree to a wheelchair just so he can get out if he's really struggling with cabin fever.

As soon as weighbearing happens, it's incredibly freeing in comparison - but for any cast, you need suitable trousers - joggers or wider legged jeans (or cargo shorts in summer). Make sure he wears boxers for cast checks, as if they need to redo it, they might make it thicker and his trousers need to come off in the process don't ask me how I know this one.

Cold packs help with the itches. NO KNITTING NEEDLES.

Get a waterproof cast bag so he doesn't have to worry about getting it wet.

Once he's onto the Robocop boot, odds are he'll abandon the crutches and start doing more than you expected. it's possible to sprint wearing one as long as you don't mind running like the Terminator

Part of doing more is having some rather spectacular spills. Dancing in a pub was a highlight, right up til the moment I wobbled on the boot and took out an entire table of drinks

You'll need lots of loose, warm, stretchy socks and, depending upon how large the casts are, it might be possible to get a larger size trainer on over the top - I went from size 6 and a half to size 9 when I desperately needed to go back to work.

Don't buy so many snacks if he's likely to munch all day. At least at the start, he won't be in much of a position to go round the shops to buy them himself.

Get a rail for getting in and out of the garden.

Get a stool for sitting down in the shower.

Make sure there are completely clear floors everywhere and walkways aren't cluttered by things, loose rugs or stuff that could catch under the crutches/cast or on his arms. Going upstairs on your knees to bed is better for your mindset than mithering away on the sofa.

And as soon as possible, get him outside. Swimming is possible with some of the cast bags, if the pool has a shallow slope or steps (no hoiking himself up and down pool ladders).

And he needs to do exactly as he's told by his Physio. Even when it hurts. Even when they say 'do more', 'wiggle your toes lots', 'get back on the wobble board and play catch' or 'do less'.

Qualification: I just about avoided what was essentially amputating the foot and reattaching it again surgery by doing what I was told sort of, as the dancing and running wasn't in their list of Good Ideas. It's not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but it still works as a foot, which is enough for me. A friend didn't avoid it and still has pain now, but again, at least she can walk, which she couldn't leading up to the surgery.

sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea · 26/02/2019 23:11

Something like FutureLearn might be an option for him? Mostly short online courses, usually as an introduction to a subject. They generally last about six weeks, with not much commitment. It might keep him thinking about things other than being stuck at home Smile

flummoxedlummox · 26/02/2019 23:16

This may sound odd. Years ago when I was in traction for 4 months and then had a further 2 months of restricted movement my mind sort of dialled down.

As I had so little to think about I think it gave my brain a little sabbatical as I can remember how lucid and eager I was once I became active again.

It could be a positive for your DH's mental health.

Purpleheadgirl · 26/02/2019 23:18

Hi It's not occupational health you need to ask about, it's occupational therapy :) They are likely to come and assess dh after the op, possibly with physio. Their role is to look at how people are managing to complete their essential activities of daily living e.g. toiletting, getting up from chair and bed, getting dressed, making a drink/ snack etc - all these things can be affected by such an operation, especially when non-weightbearing. BUT don't worry as many things can be addressed! They will advise on adapting how an activity is completed which may make it easier or give more independence and they are the people who prescribe many of the bits of equipment that have been mentioned. E.g.. can be hard to push up into standing from toilet so may need raised toilet seat, patching stool for the bathroom or kitchen etc I would say however that if you have any kind of step into your shower it is unlikely dh will be unable to get into the shower whilst non weightbearing as would be unsafe to get in with crutches. Be prepared at outpatient appt and ask for OT/occupational assessment as part as pre op, that's the routine for hip replacements etc so means things can be planned early and you aren't stressed out by making decisions or struggling after the op. Remember any suggestions they make are temporary- all can be reversed and all will come to an end :) Good luck x

Purpleheadgirl · 26/02/2019 23:19

Perching stool not patching stool :)

Nickpan · 26/02/2019 23:20

No, not an issue at all. Just that he'll have more time to kill, for more than 8 months

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