To move and not tell the in-laws....(very lighthearted)

[Wantmyflipflops]

Hi everyone...first time poster, long time stalker here. My life is pretty boring so never had anything of real substance to moan about on here but finally something I and ask you lovely people is IAMBU...

Now obviously I won't change the locks. I have a 4 year old and a 7 week old so it would be far too much of a bother (and mean I have to stop cuddling the kids to do it).

So...DH, MIL, SIL and her DH and 5 DC (yes 5) all live in a 5 mile radius of us. We moved from London 10 years ago and they all liked the area and to my horror have moved here. DH thinks it is great but as you can imagine I am distraught (feigning total trauma here).

3 days ago I went out on my own with my 2 DD, it was genuinely stressful due to discovering that my 4 year old had taken all the nappies out of the baby bag midway through a nappy change. Thankfully a mum was waiting outside and took pity on me and gave me spare nappy...angels do exist.

So frazzled and stressed I arrived home and opened the front door...to be met with 5 kids in the playroom that had been totally ransacked (oldest is 12 and was literally throwing things across the room). The utter shock must have been all over my face as when I walked in the living room all 4 of the adults started making excuses about the state of the house. oh they are just kids, they will tidy up, they are just excited...etc...etc.

I could feel my face getting red and then I look at my BIL and see he is eating the dinner I had put in the slow cooker and in the corner of the room a box of chocolates I had bought as a thank you to my neighbours had been opened and half eaten.

I am now very ashamed about what happened next but I somewhat exploded. I tried to restrain myself but found whilst asking 'Is that our dinner?' to my husband that my voice was rather loud and shrill...he looked sheepish and BIL smirked to which I then completely went bat shit crazy...

For context - today is my anniversary (8 years) I had prepared the meal at 6 this morning whilst the kids were still sleeping, our neighbour (who I have become very close to over the last 10 years and has basically been like a mum/gran to us) is having the girls for 2 hours so we can eat and just have a little celebration. (Hence the chocolates).

Anyway I told SIL to get in the playroom and tidy up. She looked shocked and said she was always going to tidy (a lie, she never does). Asked who opened the chocolates to which the MIL piped up and said she thought it would be nice for the kids...I told her it was not her place and was a thank you present. She stormed out. BIL slowly put his bowl down and went to help SIL.

They have now all gone - thank fully no-one tried to speak to me and I can hear DH cleaning and sorting out the house.

Have pretty much decided I am putting the house on the market tomorrow and moving.

Please tell me that I am not being a tit here...that was totally out of order right?

Few disclaimers - I have not spoken to DH so I am not sure if he offered the food or BIL just took it. Same with the chocolates. I also do not know if they were here before husband got home. MIL has a spare key for emergencies (which I am requesting back).

I have decided that DH can have the kids for the 2 hours tonight and I am off next door to have my dinner with Gladys. What is a reasonable amount of time I can go without having to look at him?

I love this thread I have never replied to any but this is so crazy that a family honestly thinks this is ok .you acted completely as you should and have been very restrained with your dh as I would probably be simmering for a LOT longer. No amount of chicken balls would stop my simmering lol possibly choc mouse!! Hehe

Small voice here. There are some cultures where everybody's house is open to everyone. People just let themselves in, put the kettle on etc. I grew up in that kind of culture Perhaps the in laws belong to that sort of group.

Im not sure about helping themselves to dinner and unopened boxes of chocs though. That would bizarre by any standard. What do you think was going on? Any suggestion that they are owed a meal or something?

Also.... Gladys! I think we ALL need a Gladys ♥️

I wouldn't ask her for the key back. What's to stop her getting another one made before she gives it back to you?

I would change the locks and not tell them. Then next time they turn up when you're not there and try to let themselves in they'll be stuck on the doorstep.

As for a key for emergencies, buy one of those wall keys safe boxes, £14.99 from Screwfix, and keep it in there (and DON'T tell anyone else the code).

Blimey OP I would have been on a murder charge if that was me coming home to that lol!
What a bunch of freeloading CF to help themselves to your dinner and chocolates, not to mention that they just came into your home without either you or your DH being there! I am glad you got a Chinese to replace your anniversary meal though!

Love Gladys.
Your SIL is clearly on MN and has seen the error of her ways, or just realised that the hive mind is against her even if she she’s right.
Your MIL is so out of bounds.

Oh @Wantmyflipflops I don't think there is anything worse than a rogue MIL, we gave my MIL a spare key incase we needed it. whilst I was in hospital giving birth she went to our house looking for money! Luckily DH took it with him, the thick BITCH left the fuc*ing door unlocked !!!!!

So glad you've stood your ground with bil etc, they sound.... Challenging!

Gladys sounds amazing, loving your strength on this one op!!

@wantmyflipflops I applaud you!
I too have "difficult" in-laws and it took me 9 years to pluck up the courage to tell them where to shove it.. now we have very limited contact with the shitty ones... definitely change the locks.. thankfully we have always lived in flats on or above the 2nd floor so when they turned up unannounced I could ignore the door and they wouldn't know congratulations on your little one x

I would have used everything in my power not to explode, but inside I’d be absolutely freaking out.

YANBU. Whatever you do, do not apologise. They were all in the wrong. Your DH seems to be taking it on board with the explanations and the Chinese and to be on your side. The rest of the awful rellies in law need to be told their boundaries in no uncertain terms.

I think you took it quite well - I would've gone mental on all of them, thrown them all out and yes, moved and left them all behind. I would get my keys back off any of the CF's that have one, and demand a replacement meal and chocolates. If you move give yourself some breathing room before considering inviting any of these CF round and never ever let them in the house when you are not there - your neighbour sounds a better bet if you do need to leave a spare key with anyone. Hubby has a LOT of making up to do too! Just noticed he's getting chocs and takeaway - enjoy! for your anniversary and if you need it

Don’t apologise for exploding. You’ve got a 7 week old and a 4 year old to look after, last thing you needed was to start tidying up after 5 kids , who aren’t your own . I think I’d have said something on the line of “ it’s not a fucking free for all”
How dare your MIL let herself and the others into your house . I’d definitely have the key back.
You say your neighbour is very good to you and your family , would you be able to ask her to keep a spare key for you?
My MIL has our spare but she wouldn’t dare use it. She is the only one who I would trust. Wouldn’t trust anyone else from my husbands family.

I never reply to any posts, just a mumsnet stalker really and use it as my Netflix type of entertainment but had to reply this time. OMG, thought I was the only one with mad SIL and her family and at times wondered if I was being unreasonable! Mine also followed me about 186 miles to be exact and moved about 5mins drive from me. Since then it’s been hell and my husband and I got into so many arguments about her and her family and their bloody manners. As someone mentioned some cultures I guess are like this but I kinda was brought up in similar culture where each other’s doors were open but respected each other’s privacy and would no way shape or form enter someone’s property without their permission and/or presence. Well in my SIL’s case, it’s normal to her to just crash in my place when I’m not there. She doesn’t have keys thanks god but has invited herself when husband was at home and I wasn’t or when we had guests and we were both at work, so she thought it was appropriate to just invite herself. Similarly to your situation, when my SIL is in my house without me being there her and her husband and kids think it’s normal to raid my fridge, cupboards and kitchen in general and make themselves at home. I get so so angry but my husband always makes me feel I’m overreacting! I haven’t lost my shit with them yet or screamed at anyone...just don’t want to give them the pleasure of seeing me in such a state and having something to talk about! So often give them a look (which I can’t hide) and kinda stay silent hoping they’ll sense that I’m pissed off!!!! But no, these people just have no shame and don’t give a shit so don’t think this will ever change. I have on numerous occasions considered moving far far away but honestly believe they’ll follow me. Grrrr, just writing this is making my blood boil. How can such people exist????

I have a key for the neighbours house. He is elderly, lives on his own and has a couple of holidays a year. He has just gone to Morocco for three weeks so will go in and check the house and pick up any post.

Obviously he trusts me not to make off with his antiques.

Just read the entire thread. Gladys has a huge fan club now. As I suspect do you, OP. I do love a poster who writes well.

Such a heartwarming tale! How lovely to have a Gladys next door, she's everyone's dream neighbour! Puts me in mind of Spangran, so supportive. Or was I thinking of Miss Jolly?

Don't worry about your confusing timeline, OP, you know when you got married as you were there! Weren't you...

OMFG! So very CF!!

Can’t believe she said “Soz about chocs..thought you were on a diet so was helping you out. ”
What a complete cunt!!

Well done for standing up to them this time!

I wish I had a Gladys! Door lock change cannot come fast enough! Roll on Friday!

Awe OP well done!

The in-laws have boundaries issues about time you return the favour - turn up at their house casually changing the baby on a kitchen surface 😜

I love Gladys, everyone should have a Gladys!

Brilliant thread OP. Such a brilliant reaction.

I’d change locks but I would actually tell them, so they don’t break key off in your lock trying to get in. Just stay very firm and refuse all wheedling from them to have a copy of new key.

Or install retina scan locks instead like American crime dramas have

They sound awful. I thought before I read it, you were going to be precious but - no. I actually think you were v restrained. No joke - I would change the lock.

That was a mob invasion. How you 'waited' to explode is a mystery. Get the spare key back, only issue on a 'need' basis eg MIL offers to be in for delivery. YWDNU.

Sound like my ILs. Proper Goldilocks and the 3 bears stuff. Change the locks and make sure your DH doesn't give them keys. If he does, move.

Happy anniversary OP! i second the thoughts on wonderful Gladys and rotten mil. Im also glad your dd2 is healthy now too.
If i may be so bold:
Please, please, MN community. Please don't create problems that don't need to be, ie "forgotten birthdays, anniversaries, etc.."

These are so important to me and i would be heartbroken if they weren't celebrated. I decided to not let it happen when we were first together.

It's not a contest or test of love remembering dates. Remind your dp/dh/dc. Or put it in their calendars.

Once, we both forgot anniversary ....and i was on a planned trip to my mother's when i remembered!

I usually say, "my bd/special day is in 2 weeks! What shall we do to celebrate?"

It's simple. Now, I'd be very unhappy if i was forgotten after discussing plans, but otherwise, why beg trouble?

I realize i'm old and maybe old fashioned. But 30+ years of happy anticipation that led to happy birthdays and anniversaries (-1) also means im a happy oldie who wishes happiness for everyone else.

Your DH was bang out of order, YANBU for losing it. I'm all for having a quiet life but there are limits. There are times when it is perfectly legit to lose your temper and that was one of them.

One of my fridge magnets reads, "Sod calm and Get Angry" and this certainly demanded it.