To move and not tell the in-laws....(very lighthearted)

[Wantmyflipflops]

Hi everyone...first time poster, long time stalker here. My life is pretty boring so never had anything of real substance to moan about on here but finally something I and ask you lovely people is IAMBU...

Now obviously I won't change the locks. I have a 4 year old and a 7 week old so it would be far too much of a bother (and mean I have to stop cuddling the kids to do it).

So...DH, MIL, SIL and her DH and 5 DC (yes 5) all live in a 5 mile radius of us. We moved from London 10 years ago and they all liked the area and to my horror have moved here. DH thinks it is great but as you can imagine I am distraught (feigning total trauma here).

3 days ago I went out on my own with my 2 DD, it was genuinely stressful due to discovering that my 4 year old had taken all the nappies out of the baby bag midway through a nappy change. Thankfully a mum was waiting outside and took pity on me and gave me spare nappy...angels do exist.

So frazzled and stressed I arrived home and opened the front door...to be met with 5 kids in the playroom that had been totally ransacked (oldest is 12 and was literally throwing things across the room). The utter shock must have been all over my face as when I walked in the living room all 4 of the adults started making excuses about the state of the house. oh they are just kids, they will tidy up, they are just excited...etc...etc.

I could feel my face getting red and then I look at my BIL and see he is eating the dinner I had put in the slow cooker and in the corner of the room a box of chocolates I had bought as a thank you to my neighbours had been opened and half eaten.

I am now very ashamed about what happened next but I somewhat exploded. I tried to restrain myself but found whilst asking 'Is that our dinner?' to my husband that my voice was rather loud and shrill...he looked sheepish and BIL smirked to which I then completely went bat shit crazy...

For context - today is my anniversary (8 years) I had prepared the meal at 6 this morning whilst the kids were still sleeping, our neighbour (who I have become very close to over the last 10 years and has basically been like a mum/gran to us) is having the girls for 2 hours so we can eat and just have a little celebration. (Hence the chocolates).

Anyway I told SIL to get in the playroom and tidy up. She looked shocked and said she was always going to tidy (a lie, she never does). Asked who opened the chocolates to which the MIL piped up and said she thought it would be nice for the kids...I told her it was not her place and was a thank you present. She stormed out. BIL slowly put his bowl down and went to help SIL.

They have now all gone - thank fully no-one tried to speak to me and I can hear DH cleaning and sorting out the house.

Have pretty much decided I am putting the house on the market tomorrow and moving.

Please tell me that I am not being a tit here...that was totally out of order right?

Few disclaimers - I have not spoken to DH so I am not sure if he offered the food or BIL just took it. Same with the chocolates. I also do not know if they were here before husband got home. MIL has a spare key for emergencies (which I am requesting back).

I have decided that DH can have the kids for the 2 hours tonight and I am off next door to have my dinner with Gladys. What is a reasonable amount of time I can go without having to look at him?

How long have you been married, OP? You say both "over a decade" and "8 years". Another rage typo?

Kudos, OP! Sometimes there's no other response to such blatant CF'ery than an incredulous 'You actually came into my home and did ... THAT?!' That would be any normal human being's response; seething in silence is not an option when people are as brazen as this.

@allwrite, these replies are good. Asking them to repeat what they just said is enough to stop some of these passive aggressive (or outright aggressive) CFs in their tracks. Or as you've suggested, repeat their crap back at them and lay it straight back at their door. It's THEIR crap, not yours.

OP, WT ever-loving F are these leeches doing with a key? Don't bother to ask for it back; these types would think nothing of creating a replica. Change the locks. Or better still and as you suggested, move and don't tell them where you've gone. Australia sound good? :)

Sorry...been married 8 but together 14...its all just a bit exciting lol

I feel the need to apologise for my typos and lack of explanation...met DH 14 years ago...broke up briefly then got together and engaged 12 years ago. Moved from London 10 years ago...married 8 years ago...DD1 is 4 and DD2 is 7 weeks.

Sorry to the people who have reported me...I didnt think people would be so bothered with a few typos. Not so chuffed with my post anymore. :-(

You hero OP and is Glays available to rent?!

@Wantmyflipflops people just love drama and to hunt the suspected hairy of hand. ignore it. any word from MIL?

@AliceLiddel she texted this morning asking why DD was not at nursery. I think she must sit and wait for me to drop her off. I've not responded as I don't want her to know we are having a family day out. She is acting like nothing happened.

Block her number. My mil never had my mobile number .

thats so so creepy. i would seriously change nursery if someone was watching me come and go.

That would seriously do my head in, does she not realise you are an adult?! Change nurseries if you can, change your locks and block her number, and tell her to piss off with her comments xx

Brilliant thread OP, a hero amongst us! What a load of CFs though. I'd change my locks and get a new phone number.

@Wantmyflipflops: definitely don't tell her you won't be home.... You'll come home to similar as yesterday!

I'm in awe of your ability to say it like it is. I wish that I could think that quickly to come up with those sort of replies. The best I get is: WTAF are you doing?!

@Kennehora OP has been writing whilst emotionally charged 7 weeks postpartum, I think she can be excused some blips.

@Kennehora sorry, I probably meant to say 'almost' a decade ago.

Baby brain is epic at the moment!

Do you have keys to their houses? I'd return the favour.
That's what I thought. Bonus points if you can lift something substantial from both MIL's and BIL's freezer without them noticing.
Jackpot if you manage to sneak in several times over a period of time without them knowing and move things around and they are freaked they have ghosts.

I can't get over how anyone could think it acceptable to help themselves to a meal at anytime, let alone when they rocked up unannounced. Biscuit/slice of bread with a "Hope you didn't mind" apology, just about maybe. Anniversary meal is a red herring. SIL was there and didn't intervene, therefore SIL's apology isn't actually worth much.
I'd have gone batshit crazy if my own DH had helped himself, let alone anyone else.

@Jokie thanks lovely!

I think that hormones contributed heavily to me literally letting rip but for once I am glad of it.

SIL has again apologised. MIL will sweep under the carpet as usual.

Baby brain is epic at the moment!
With a 7 week old and ILs overstepping boundaries, I think that is perfectly understandable.

Not read everything. its really not your in-laws fault. Its your husbands.

Rule 1. Never apologise. Don't apologise. They should be apologising. Your husband should be apologising.

Rule 2. Why do your in-laws need a key. Maybe while you are away on holiday, but you are grown ups for god sake.
I can't believe a family would make themselves at home in your house while you weren't in. Your DP needs to grow a pair.

Rule 3. No drop-ins in future. If they turn up unannounced, give them a "Sorry. We are just on our way out.", and turn them away.

Good luck. It's up to you whether this is a one-off, or a final straw. Breaking up would probably give you a difficult few years.

I can't get over how anyone could think it acceptable to help themselves to a meal at anytime, let alone when they rocked up unannounced. Biscuit/slice of bread with a "Hope you didn't mind" apology, just about maybe.

I was thinking about that. If I had to go and let myself into my mum’s or my MIL’s houses, I’d think it fine to make a cup of tea (if i washed up the cup). A biscuit from the tin (not a new packet)? Probably. A slice of toast at a push. But a whole meal and you don’t know for when or for whom it’s intended? No way. And the box of chocolates was just egregious.

I think that hormones contributed heavily to me literally letting rip but for once I am glad of it.

How they've behaved is so totally outside of normal parameters that no amount of hormones makes a difference or should not be used to water down/excuse your anger.
Your outburst was totally acceptable and, if anything, I think you've been remarkably restrained. I'd be threatening injunctions myself.

She heard me crying in the house about 3 months after we moved in and knocked on the door with a victoria sponge and a bottle of wine.
Gladys deserves an award for being the absolute best neighbour ever! I wish she was my neighbour.
MIL is a bitch. SIL is wet. BIL is a bastard. Their DC are spawn of Satan. Change the locks, never invite them round / let them over the threshold when they turn up uninvited again, put your DC in a different nursery to piss off MIL.

fwiw, I just don't understand swapping keys with a next door neighbour. Why?

Jesus I would go nuclear!!!! How fucking dare they!! I would change the locks, not give mil a key and give one to Gladys for emergencies instead!!!! My sil used to let herself in to ours to 'use the toilet' more like host her friends as she still lives with her parents we changed the locks as soon as we found out about it!!!

I wonder whether MIL will pop round on the pretext that she's concerned DD hasn't gone to nursery and that you're not answering your texts.
Not that I think you should answer her of course.