Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To move and not tell the in-laws....(very lighthearted)

294 replies

Wantmyflipflops · 26/02/2019 17:55

Hi everyone...first time poster, long time stalker here. My life is pretty boring so never had anything of real substance to moan about on here but finally something I and ask you lovely people is IAMBU...

Now obviously I won't change the locks. I have a 4 year old and a 7 week old so it would be far too much of a bother (and mean I have to stop cuddling the kids to do it).

So...DH, MIL, SIL and her DH and 5 DC (yes 5) all live in a 5 mile radius of us. We moved from London 10 years ago and they all liked the area and to my horror have moved here. DH thinks it is great but as you can imagine I am distraught (feigning total trauma here).

3 days ago I went out on my own with my 2 DD, it was genuinely stressful due to discovering that my 4 year old had taken all the nappies out of the baby bag midway through a nappy change. Thankfully a mum was waiting outside and took pity on me and gave me spare nappy...angels do exist.

So frazzled and stressed I arrived home and opened the front door...to be met with 5 kids in the playroom that had been totally ransacked (oldest is 12 and was literally throwing things across the room). The utter shock must have been all over my face as when I walked in the living room all 4 of the adults started making excuses about the state of the house. oh they are just kids, they will tidy up, they are just excited...etc...etc.

I could feel my face getting red and then I look at my BIL and see he is eating the dinner I had put in the slow cooker and in the corner of the room a box of chocolates I had bought as a thank you to my neighbours had been opened and half eaten.

I am now very ashamed about what happened next but I somewhat exploded. I tried to restrain myself but found whilst asking 'Is that our dinner?' to my husband that my voice was rather loud and shrill...he looked sheepish and BIL smirked to which I then completely went bat shit crazy...

For context - today is my anniversary (8 years) I had prepared the meal at 6 this morning whilst the kids were still sleeping, our neighbour (who I have become very close to over the last 10 years and has basically been like a mum/gran to us) is having the girls for 2 hours so we can eat and just have a little celebration. (Hence the chocolates).

Anyway I told SIL to get in the playroom and tidy up. She looked shocked and said she was always going to tidy (a lie, she never does). Asked who opened the chocolates to which the MIL piped up and said she thought it would be nice for the kids...I told her it was not her place and was a thank you present. She stormed out. BIL slowly put his bowl down and went to help SIL.

They have now all gone - thank fully no-one tried to speak to me and I can hear DH cleaning and sorting out the house.

Have pretty much decided I am putting the house on the market tomorrow and moving.

Please tell me that I am not being a tit here...that was totally out of order right?

Few disclaimers - I have not spoken to DH so I am not sure if he offered the food or BIL just took it. Same with the chocolates. I also do not know if they were here before husband got home. MIL has a spare key for emergencies (which I am requesting back).

I have decided that DH can have the kids for the 2 hours tonight and I am off next door to have my dinner with Gladys. What is a reasonable amount of time I can go without having to look at him?

OP posts:
MakeItAmazing · 27/02/2019 11:59

in case one forgets or loses their own Hmm.

Original poster
Wantmyflipflops · 27/02/2019 12:15

Whole family including my husband tend to lack the understanding of boundaries.

BIL will often come over and help himself to food from the fridge. Even made himself a cheeseboard once. I usually know he is coming so prepare in advance but he is an arrogant CF and DH is finally going to say something to him.

DH does see why this is wrong and he has spoken to him mum but they are the kind of family who don't really care much about what is said to them. I have a handyman coming on Friday to change all the locks :)

OP posts:
justilou1 · 27/02/2019 12:21

I think you need an electric fence, dobermans, wooden stakes and holy water for that lot, OP! Losing your shit was the logical response to one hell of a lot of negative stimulus! My inner Xena was raging to get out and kick some arse too!
Your Gladys, though..... I am so jealous!!!

SneakyGremlins · 27/02/2019 12:34

Have you considered a moat and drawbridge? Grin

ClaireElizabethBeuchampFraser · 27/02/2019 12:41

Is BIL your dh’s brother or married to his sister? I’m guessing BIL is the blood relative- otherwise your SIL has somehow married someone as lacking in boundaries and full of cheeky fuckery as her own family.

I am so glad that you kicked off! This is utterly appalling behaviour from all of them! You have a 7 week old baby, they should be bringing you meals and helping you tidy the house - not eating your food and trashing your house! Opening the chocolates is just disgraceful behaviour- but to then say they were saving your figure- I honestly would have went apoplectic! That was not even an apology- it was a deflection of blame!

I would definitely be changing the locks and would be refusing to see them until my anger had calmed down- I might be angry for weeks or months 😉. Your bil owes you a MASSIVE apology - greedy pig that he is. I am utterly disgusted by him and would be so ashamed if my husband behaved like that!

Elllicam · 27/02/2019 13:34

Definitely get your DH to speak to them, cheeky arses.

RebootYourEngine · 27/02/2019 13:39

Sounds like an episode of EastEnders.

MumW · 27/02/2019 14:00

BIL helped himself and DH thought it was for the 4 year old so didn't object.
In my total gobsmackedness, I completely overlooked this.

Your DH thought it was OK for his CFB to eat food intended for his DS and would only have challenged had he realised it was actually intended for him.
That sentence is just all kinds of wrong.

You have a massive DH problem here. You need to start working on him, his boundaries and his responsibilities.

You also need to print a custom house rules poster because your DH clearly doesn't understand even the common decency ones.

I suggest you also get one of those cctv type door bells that buzzes your phone and shows who is at the door even when you are out.

I'm still just sitting here shaking my head in disbelief.

MumW · 27/02/2019 14:03

@SneakyGremlins Have you considered a moat and drawbridge?
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Ribbonsonabox · 27/02/2019 14:03

I'm so glad you ate changing the locks! YANBU AT ALL!!! Idve been livid, what a bunch of cheeky fuckers!!

Mmmhmmm · 27/02/2019 15:20

I second the moat and drawbridge.

Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 27/02/2019 16:51

Op you can borrow this....
I promise she will keep all numptys away from your door.

To move and not tell the in-laws....(very lighthearted)
flumpybear · 27/02/2019 17:41

Bloody hell I'd have really lost it too - I'd have splurted out that I was shocked by their lack of boundaries and sheer cheeky fuckery ... I wouldn't have been able to contain myself

I'd ring SIL now and say 'I've calmed down now e light tobtell you this without getting too upset but they've been dreadful, fucked up an anniversary meal and although you said you were going to tidy , you've got previous for just fucking off and leaving the shit pit your kids create to me, it's unacceptable and you've never experienced it from me so just behave like you're in someone's home not your own

Also from now on do not come in my home unannounced .... then take the key from MIL and tell her she's over stepped toe Mark one last time and now it's invite only to your home

flumpybear · 27/02/2019 17:46

Oh and I suspect she may chuck in 'well let's see what the BIL brother will say - so be prepared with something like don't you dare interfere with my marriage

yyz112 · 27/02/2019 17:56

If they had done that in my house all hell would have broken lose. I would immediately change the locks and refuse to let them in.

Thehappygardener · 27/02/2019 18:11

I can’t imagine any of my family or in-laws doing what your in-laws have done. Appalling of them.

Great that you told them at the time. Get key back or change the locks, they can’t be trusted. Leave a key somewhere safe or with your neighbour.

Don’t think much of your SiL and MiL if they didn’t remember your anniversary ..... they must all have mobiles with diaries surely? Hope you sort you in-laws out, sounds to me as though you will!

Flowers and hugs for your missed anniversary.

To move and not tell the in-laws....(very lighthearted)
NicolaC17 · 27/02/2019 18:12

Hahaha your are my hero!

Mumoflove · 27/02/2019 18:14

Sounds awful!!! You have every right to be annoyed but I’m wondering why they were all there??!! They are his family so the best way to find out what it was all about is to talk to him.

Seven78 · 27/02/2019 18:16

Sounds like you did the right thing and a quick lock change is in order. Not too expensive if you have a good local company.

But I am confused (and fairly new here). Why so many questions on exact dates, days, years, and why would this thread be reported? Isn't this AIBU and the OP is having a tough time, rather than 'Am I Being Cross-Examined".

SaturdayNext · 27/02/2019 18:17

Who the fuck turns up uninvited a someone's house and helps themselves to whatever's in the slow cooker and an unopened box of chocolates? These people are seriously batshit.

squooz · 27/02/2019 18:22

OP you are a total star for standing up to your in laws AND getting a result - and on a personal note having lost my mum 10 years ago - then dad, aunt (surrogate mum) and brother all in 3 years I totally get you and so glad you have your lovely neighbour - she sounds like the knees of the bees - and hope you are getting lots of TLC and chocolate to make up for the anniversary disaster. Also am a happy size 16 with flubbly bits and DH quite content with me being cuddly and enjoying my cake and biscuits Grin

onthenaughtystepagain · 27/02/2019 18:22

What about one of those key boxes with a keyboard where you need to input a code to get the key out, small guesthouses often have them. It means that no-one needs to have a spare key at all and if they manage to winkle the code out of someone you simply change the code!

ToftyAC · 27/02/2019 18:34

OP. I feel your pain. One of the reasons I am divorced is because of this type of behaviour. I couldn’t even wander from the shower to my bedroom without the in laws letting themselves in. I now live with a partner whose parents live abroad. YANBU. I’d have thrown the cheeky fuckers out by the scruff of the neck. That’s so ducking rude. And as for your DH? WTAF?

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 27/02/2019 18:39

Three Cheers for you FlipFlops, I like the fact that you have kept a sense of humour about these Outlaws. Also like that you gave them a good piece of your mind. What a glory moment. Lord it like a Queen.
Fab to change the locks too.. I've been in that position too and well done on getting a handy man not DH. He is NOT to give them a key under any circs. So good for you.
Everyone needs a lovely Gladys in their lives, I'm very glad you found yours.
Your SIL sounds like she understands a bit. But I think your MIL has crossed a line big time.
Well done to you and congrats on your lovely baby

EllenMP · 27/02/2019 18:41

I advise discussing anniversary plans with DH a few days in advance so he can’t forget and you can’t have your day ruined by his stupidity.

Hopefully the smack down you gave the in-laws will keep them in line for a while. It may need repeating from time to time.