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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be furious at this?

140 replies

noseywhatsit · 26/02/2019 17:03

Just for background: My DD (10) is currently going through puberty, has had major growth spurts and is currently 8st 3Ibs and 5 foot.

A couple of month ago, her school had brought in a team to weigh the pupils and we didn’t receive feedback until a couple of weeks ago. In the letter they had sent home, they’d claimed that DD was overweight! I can very clearly see that she isn’t. This has made me feel really disgusted that they’re body shaming children! I have an older daughter who faced her own body issues during early teenage years and it was heartbreaking to see how it was affecting her emotionally and mentally. Am I wrong for thinking that they shouldn’t be throwing around claims like this when so many people, especially children and teens are dealing with eating disorders and mental health issues? I can’t help but think that they shouldn’t be throwing so much of the tax payers money into something like this when there’s so much more the NHS could do with that money, i.e. better mental health facilities for those who desperately need the medical intervention.

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 26/02/2019 17:06

Is the letter not addressed to the parent rather than the child? If you don't say anything to her about it then they haven't fat shamed her

Decormad38 · 26/02/2019 17:07

Childhood obesity is a massive public health issue hence the weighing. Are you sire you are just not in denial?

PaquitaVariation · 26/02/2019 17:09

The children’s BMI calculator will tell you she’s on the 95th percentile and that she’s overweight, why do you think she isn’t?

O4FS · 26/02/2019 17:09

I agree with you. I wanted my DDs to opt out.

Some year 6s have hit puberty and are being measured on the child’s scale.

Would make more sense to weigh and measure in year 5.

Imnotaslimjim · 26/02/2019 17:09

I've had the same thing except I know my DD is a little overweight. We're working on it together though, she dances 4-5 times a week and is sensible about what she eats.

I agree with PPs though, as long as you haven't said anything to her, they haven't day shamed her. They're just telling you what the guidelines are. It's up to you to decide what to do with that information

AwakeAfterMidnight · 26/02/2019 17:10

8st 3lb and 5 foot is very definitely overweight according to the BMI calculator.

Sirzy · 26/02/2019 17:10

So we just ignore child obesity then?

Or they contact parents who do the sensible thing of looking at their child and what small changes can be made to avoid a later problem all without needing to tell the child anything - other than a general discussion about health

Too many parents have their head in the sand about their child’s weight even when it is pointed out to them

dementedpixie · 26/02/2019 17:12

Using the child nhs bmi checker it gives 97th centile

(My ds was also flagged as overweight at the check at primary school. He has a rugby players body so we expected the letter)

Invisimamma · 26/02/2019 17:12

BMI calculator puts her at overweight.

Maybe because she's your own dd you can't see it? I can't see what puberty has to do with it?

Help her and support her now with healthy eating habits so that's she's not plagued by this for life. I wish someone had done it for me at age 10, instead I've struggled with my weight all my life.

Amanduh · 26/02/2019 17:12

It’s not bodyshaming to tell someone their weight Confused

calsovip · 26/02/2019 17:13

This has nothing to do with body shaming - it's about being healthy!

fishonabicycle · 26/02/2019 17:14

Calm down! They told you, not your daughter! And yes - that is a bit overweight - I'm that height and would be pretty chubby at that weight.

FooFighter99 · 26/02/2019 17:14

Well according to the NHS BMI calculator, your DD at 5feet and 8st 3lbs is "very overweight"

That's not body shaming, that's being realistic... my DD is 7 and is definitley overweight and as such we are trying to do something about it.

Don't get all ragey about it, or bury your head in the sand when you can do something about it now and help her

I know how hard it is to lose weight as an adult as I'm currently 8 stone overweight (gradually losing it doing SlimmingWorld) so I'm not saying this to be mean

DillyDilly · 26/02/2019 17:14

Did anyone actually tell your child that they’re overweight ? Given the measurements listed, I would say that your DD is in the overweight side and you can now encourage extra exercise, keep an eye on portion sizes, restrict crap - all without your DD even realizing.

PurpleDaisies · 26/02/2019 17:15

Obese children are far more likely to become obese adults with all the health problems associated. You are being unreasonable here.

spugzbunny · 26/02/2019 17:15

Honest question .... why does that weight and height for someone who is an adult not place them at overweight?

igivein · 26/02/2019 17:16

I agree with O4FS. My DC was always tall and skinny. The check in reception was fine. In year 6 they chunked out a little and I was told they were 'overweight' when the year 6 check was done.
Shortly afterwards they had a growth spurt and now back to being tall and skinny.
Maybe it would be better to check in year 5, as lots of their cohort were 'overweight' when checked in year 6 then shot up shortly after.

babysharkah · 26/02/2019 17:16

She is overweight though? Puberty doesn't mean you can suddenly pack on pounds.

Laiste · 26/02/2019 17:17

This isn't a new thing. DDs at primary in the early 2000s were weighed and a letter sent home if they were under or over the 'line'.

I thought it was a really good idea and still do. One of mine was slightly under by a couple of lb and i got an official letter (i worked at the school at the time but still got the official letter in the post) but i knew she was a skinny mini with the energy of 20 kids so was unphased. I never told her about the letter.

One of my friends daughters was a bit overweight and she got the letter and was furious too. It was obvious to everyone that the DD was a little on the chubby side at that time - except her mum. She went up to the school a made a big fuss which WAS mortifying for the DD!

Alfiesmom74 · 26/02/2019 17:18

I had the same for my son. He’s not “very overweight” as they stated it but he is a bit on the plumpish side. I just looked and chucked the letter in the bin. I never mentioned it to my son as I didn’t want him to worry about it.

ShadyLady53 · 26/02/2019 17:19

@spugz I agree...in an adult it’s a bmi of just over 22 which is a normal weight. I don’t understand why a child of the same height and weight would be classified as very overweight.

7salmonswimming · 26/02/2019 17:20

I can very clearly see that she isn’t

But she is. They haven’t said obese or morbidly obese. They’ve said overweight. That means more than the optimal, healthy weight for a girl her age and height. Not so muc more that she’s obese. But enough more for her to be overweight.

Why are you so defensive? Your older DD doesn’t need to know about this letter, and neither dies your younger. You’re the responsible parent. You need to know about it so that you can fix it.

oilLovesChuck · 26/02/2019 17:20

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PurpleDaisies · 26/02/2019 17:20

He’s not “very overweight” as they stated it but he is a bit on the plumpish side

People have lost sight of what a normal weight looks like in a child. Did you address his diet and activity levels? He didn’t necessarily need to know as long as you did something about it.

theworldistoosmall · 26/02/2019 17:21

Would you prefer that they lie and say she isn't overweight? They aren't body shaming, they are letting her parents know that she is overweight.