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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be furious at this?

140 replies

noseywhatsit · 26/02/2019 17:03

Just for background: My DD (10) is currently going through puberty, has had major growth spurts and is currently 8st 3Ibs and 5 foot.

A couple of month ago, her school had brought in a team to weigh the pupils and we didn’t receive feedback until a couple of weeks ago. In the letter they had sent home, they’d claimed that DD was overweight! I can very clearly see that she isn’t. This has made me feel really disgusted that they’re body shaming children! I have an older daughter who faced her own body issues during early teenage years and it was heartbreaking to see how it was affecting her emotionally and mentally. Am I wrong for thinking that they shouldn’t be throwing around claims like this when so many people, especially children and teens are dealing with eating disorders and mental health issues? I can’t help but think that they shouldn’t be throwing so much of the tax payers money into something like this when there’s so much more the NHS could do with that money, i.e. better mental health facilities for those who desperately need the medical intervention.

OP posts:
suzy2b · 26/02/2019 19:10

We were told at 6 my granddaughter was obese she was a bit over weight but not obese she is now 10 and quite thin, her sister is 4 and would properly be classed as obese, she is very active some days hardly eats anything goes to preschool 4 days a week from 8 to 4 we are not worried at the moment after what happened with her sister

Tinkobell · 26/02/2019 19:11

I don't understand the post from the medical family accusing of trolling ...v bizarre. I've just stuck the stats into the NHS online gizmo and it shows a 97th centile.
OP. You can do one of two things..,,and I say this as a mum of a child that was v overweight. You can have a huffy over the note, chuck it in the bin and lash out about mental health & eating disorders. Or you can try and engage with the issue in a more cerebral manner: make a few low key changes - easy food substitutes, cut out sugars and fats. It isn't hard and you will not create an anorexic fgs!
If you do nothing, teens can get joint issues being overweight, then they become less sporty and active and stuck in a kind of weight trap loop. Try and avoid that. If she looks great, that's great. But the scales aren't lying and personally I'd make low key changes now.

Original poster
noseywhatsit · 26/02/2019 19:37

She started her periods just before turning 9... And she was even skinnier then than she is now. I'd like to know why puberty isn't being taken into account when calculating whether a child is at a healthy weight or whatever. She's pretty far into it and doctors have even said they don't expect her to grow much more. For arguments sake, say she had the exact same measurements that she has now, when she's 18 years old and no longer a child. Circumstances haven't changed so why is it then okay to say she's a healthy weight?

OP posts:
Graphista · 26/02/2019 19:44

But she's not skinny now, even entering her stats as if she were an adult puts her very much on the upper end of healthy weight and she's not an adult.

Puberty isn't an excuse.

Stop making excuses and help your daughter achieve a healthy weight.

calsovip · 26/02/2019 19:52

I've posted links on the previous page to medical journals that touch on the correlation between weight and early puberty. Many posters throughout this thread have also offered their opinions, advice, and answers to some of the things you've mentioned in your update.

Give all the excuses you want - it's your child after all. But why bother starting a thread if you have no intention of reading or taking on board anything that's being said?

Armadillostoes · 26/02/2019 19:55

OP some of the posters here are ignorant and vile. To talk about "making excuses" as though being overweight was a source of shame tells you everything you need to know about them. BMI is notoriously imperfect as a tool and puberty is very relevant.

You are in a better position to know about your DD's health than people who have never even seen her. If you have any doubt consult your GP.

calsovip · 26/02/2019 19:59

as though being overweight was a source of shame

It's not a source of shame but it's also something that should be discouraged for goodness' sake.

mammoon · 26/02/2019 20:00

Some of these comments are absolutely vile. FWIW I think the modern obsession with "childhood obesity" is a total moral panic and people need to get over themselves and not have a bloody aneurysm if a child has a biscuit occasionally or god forbid a little bit of chub. Your daughter sounds like she is fit and healthy, so if I were you, I'd chuck the letter and forget about it.

notenoughbottletonight · 26/02/2019 20:02

I actually signed a letter for my five year old daughter before they came into her school and they still weighed her! She's a very tall child, a little bit chubby too although we are on top of that. I was so annoyed though because I genuinely think the NHS BMI charts are ridiculous!

AliceLiddel · 26/02/2019 20:08

my 10 year old is 4ft 5 and 5 stone. Obviously I dont know your daughters shape or where she carries the weight but that seems quite heavy.

puppy23 · 26/02/2019 20:25

I was really skinny until I hit puberty at roughly the same age as your DD, put on a fair bit of weight (no idea where I was in terms of percentiles) and a few years later developed an ED. Thing is, looking back, within 2-3 years my weight distributed (pre-ED) and its likely the same will happen for your daughter. At this age children can feel increased sensitivity about their weight, and if the gain is due to puberty I don't think any worry is needed.

Original poster
noseywhatsit · 26/02/2019 20:47

I'm not ignoring anything that anybody is saying, I simply just don't have a free evening to sit and reply to everybody. I'm trying to read through comments and give further information wherever possible whenever I get a spare moment in my night. I think it's unfair for you to assume that.

It seems like everybody is just focusing on the fact that she MUST be chubby with the weight that she is, but most are failing to acknowledge the point I made about her being very active and enjoying sports.

OP posts:
Yesicancancan · 26/02/2019 20:53

Alittle bit over weight is normal before a growth spurt and things even out, I would say if it does within a few months then you have your answer that there is nothing to worry about. If however it doesn’t then action is needed. Kids don’t need biscuits, don’t buy them and they can’t eat them. There is so much wonderful food to eat there is no need to eat crap.

Yesicancancan · 26/02/2019 20:54

Not saying she does eat biscuits btw but just that it doesn’t hurt to remove temptation

Obviouslynotallthere · 26/02/2019 21:03

What I noticed, which may be anecdotal and without proper evidence, is a lot of kids in year 6 can be quite chubby. My son was like this and quite a few of the kids in his year. Then by year 8 they seem to suddenly grow almost overnight. He looked less child like, became more angular and really lanky. Also teens seem to be forever hungry.
I think try not to be upset, keep active, a cooked meal at tea time and wait and see.

maddening · 26/02/2019 21:14

Actually she is on the 98th percentile for height and 95th for weight - so she should be just right?

ScafellPoke · 26/02/2019 21:21

I blame schools for over weight kids. 5hrs sitting on their arses and eating hot dinners with puddings every day

PookieDo · 26/02/2019 21:28

I have 2DD’s age 16 and 14 and they are 5ft and around 8 stone - is this only overweight as a child under a certain age? I did the calculator and DD16 is 68th percentile and DD14 is 78th so I gather it does it by age.

Interestingly both my DD’s have not grown an inch in any direction for about 4 years - both do not need any replacement shoes or School uniform since starting (both size 3 feet and size 8 clothes) Not all DC are going to be overweight I think it’s about keeping an eye if it continues to be an issue though. If my DD’s weigh more but do not grow taller then that may be an issue for them

jcyclops · 26/02/2019 21:51

Using the BMI calculator, on her 11th Birthday, if she is 8st3lb and 5'2" she is 90th percentile and just in the healthy range. She is also 90th percentile if she gets to 8st0lb and 5'1" on her 11th Birthday.
The letter is just a heads up to watch what you both are doing - there is not much to do to get back to the healthy range.

Dontletthebastardsgrindyoudown · 26/02/2019 21:59

@FooFighter99

Where does it say on the calculator that the child height and weight is very overweight?

Puberty is a very difficult stage to put into a bmi bracket. One 10 year old may have developed and one may not have, so how can they be judged within the same calculation?

to be furious at this?
Likethewind321 · 26/02/2019 22:02

@noseywhatsit

I get what you mean about her height and weight being normal for an 18 year old so what's wrong with those dimensions for a 10 year old, if she's started puberty.

I don't know, but I would guess that the issue is that even though she's well into puberty, she's not fully through it yet, and would be expected to gain a certain about of additional weight in the next 8 years. She is unlikely to stay exactly the same proportions between now and her 18th birthday.

Having said that though, it's just a guideline, all kids are so very different, especially around puberty. Just take her to the doctor for a general check up and see what they say.

DragonMamma · 26/02/2019 22:09

My DD has this measurement and didn’t get a letter home so I’m assuming she’s OK.

We weighed and measured her last week, out of sheer nosiness and she’s 4’11 and 6 stone exactly at just over 11yo. She’s not skinny but not exactly solid either. I think that with an extra 2 stone she would be pretty big. I can’t imagine it on her tbh.

I’m not immune to seeing kids for the weight that they are. My DS was getting a bit too solid and we reduced the crap and upped the exercise.

I’m lucky that DD leans naturally towards healthy foods (unlike me!) and would happily munch through a punnet of tomatoes than a packet of biscuits.

HelenLaBloodyAnnoyed · 26/02/2019 22:13

I'm 5'5 and only weigh a few pounds more than her. I can imagine I would look very overweight if I were 5" shorter. My daughter was weighed today and is one year older and two stone lighter than your DD but she's short so it will probably come back as overweight.

HelenLaBloodyAnnoyed · 26/02/2019 22:17

I agree that school doesn't help, Scafell. My daughter has a fitbit and did 4 times as many steps during half term than she did during the week before at school! That's with 4 sporty extra curricular activities and two PE lessons in term time. School dinners are abysmal, how they're classes as healthy I have no idea. Today was deep pan pizza with potatoes followed by pancakes, syrup and ice cream...!

Imissgmichael · 26/02/2019 22:19

BMi calculator was never designed for children. My GD brought one of these letters home as she was 1 pound overweight but they’d weighed her in her winter uniform at the end of the school day.

My daughter screwed the letter into a ball and binned it. As she quite rightly said, her DD ate a good varied diet with plenty of veg etc whilst lot of her skinny friends were obsessed with their weight and had crap restrictive diets.

A few weeks later she had a growth spurt and was well within the normal but flawed BMI range.