Is DSD being groomed, AIBU to get involved?

[Thewheelsonthebusgoround]

A wee bit of background. DSD is 15, I’m married to her dad and been with him for 5years, I wasn’t the OW, he split with DSDs mum two years before we met. I don’t have the closest relationship to her, it’s got better over recent years but we’re close.

She’s on Instagram with an open profile. She posts some pics that leave little to the imagination, shots of her just in bra and pants, up her skirt, lots of tongue and wet lips, you get the idea. Her dad is aware and has told her he doesn’t like it.

Anyway recently there’s been lots of comments from one younger man. He has a closed profile and I have a gut feeling he’s much older. Just from what he says and how he comments on everything with gushing complements. I’m worried she’s being groomed. She’s ignoring every single internet safety advice.

I’ve told her dad and he’s so Disney he won’t say a word to her!!

What would you do? I’ve tried and tried getting her dad to say something and I don’t have a close enough relationship to be comfortable having the conversation!

Wow wow is spot on re language!
There's so many misconceptions on this thread re terminology and consent.

Namechangeforthiscancershit

Thank you for the flowers, they made me smile. Yes it was awful for me and her siblings, for my dsd it has defined her life. She did get some support but due to her ongoing mental health problems its difficult to know how much. I suspect its very little actually as the budget just isn't there. The most serious of the consequences for dsd were never reported as they were too identifying.

Ours was a worst case senario, but shows the importance of reporting suspicious situations early on.

I was just coming on here to say
It's NOT CHILD PORNOGRAPHY.
It's child abuse.
I see it's already been said.

The most serious of the consequences for dsd were never reported as they were too identifying

It’s just unimaginable. And so hard for all of you to see I’m sure.

Ours was a worst case senario, but shows the importance of reporting suspicious situations early on

110% this. I volunteer with looked after children so have attended a lot of training specifically around the Kingfisher work and what is incredible is the depth (now) of the intelligence they gather. Every report they get forms part of the big picture, and obviously we all hope that means that they can intervene before things get to the point that they have before.

Meanwhile it’s just court case after court case, and so many vulnerable young people who deserved a whole lot more from life.

Thank you for your comments. I apologise if I’ve used incorrect terms, I’m certainly not an expert in this field and mean no harm whatsoever. To the poster who said I should be ashamed of myself, I’m not, I’m trying to step up where both her parents are failing!!

What so many people (children and adults ) don't realise that once something is in the internet, even on a private page, it can be I possible to get rid of it. With cacheing and cookies there is always a foot print. You all also get people that take screen grabs or copies of images which get saved onto their devices which makes it impossible to track and get deleted.

The internet is a dangerous place and should be treated as such. Posting anything can make you incredibly vulnerable.

Even putting things for sale on eBay or Facebook etc someone could use that to ascertain your wealth or what you own and potentially target you.

We live in a very scary world and although internet safety has come a long way since I was a teenager it still has an even longer way to go.

OP, it's OK. We can see you mean well and a lot of the things about terminology and consent are (unfortunately) not common knowledge. Are you any closer in deciding what you're going to do?

Public service notice (as this thread demonstrates many people know very little about how grooming happens): boys are at risk of being groomed as well. The majority of perpetrators are not Asian, but white. Many perpetrators are in a position of trust. The character profile of the average groomer is scarily close to that of a teacher or social worker (for example). There are push factors (in the child's life) and pull factors (what a groomer does) that lead to a child being abused and/ or exploited. Do not think that because your child has a stable home life and lots of friends that they're automatically safe!

Please do something OP. You have a gut instinct and know something is wrong. She is very possibly being groomed and abused. You DH is a dick. I would LTB if he had so little care for the welfare of his DD.
Contact her mother, school and tell him to act.
Follow your gut

It actually is child pornography, and the OP has every right to be concerned.

I work in social media education and training in schools and unbeknownst to many parents and their teens, sexting and a large number of pics teens girls take are classified under the law as production and distribution of child pornography. The law is struggling to catch up in this digital space.

see "Protection of Children Act 1978 ("the 1978 Act"), which makes it illegal to take, make, distribute, show, or possess for the intent of showing or distributing an indecent photograph of someone under the age of 18."

Anything sexually suggestive qualifies. So yup - the OP's DSD is merrily producing child porn and distributing it.

The police can step in if she is being threatened or harassed to send inappropriate shots to people, but she should be made aware that what she is doing is technically illegal and she can get into trouble. You are going to have to say something to your OH and the mother. So many teen girls get in the shit with this kind of stuff.

(Our company would love to point out politely that if a parent is fine with their chid being global wank material , then let the child continue with their public page but we can't - that phrasing may work with your OH though. )

In all seriousness though - it's bad parenting in a digital sphere not to take firmer steps. And yes, it is possible she is being groomed. Report her, report the dodgy mans account, and contact Netsafe in the UK - they can help you with the steps you need to take to report this man.
If she is as wilful and deliberately unsafe as you describe, she may make arrangements to meet up with him. It happens a lot more than you think.

As an aside, I have heard the heads of Interpol child trafficking division speak at conferences , almost in tears of frustration, at the sheer numbers of porn type pics they uncover regularly in paedophile libraries across the globe.
Many belong to teens with Instagram accounts like your DSD. Each child's image must be checked to ensure the child is not trafficked, and they are being buried under the weight of data they must process. This in turn slows then down from saving children in genuine need of help.

www.safeline.org.uk/sexting-what-is-it-what-are-the-consequences-for-me/

Shitting hell @CommanderDaisy, is it not entirely clear that people (myself included) are taking issue with calling it child pornography? We don't mean that the pictures are ok, it's the label that is wrong. Because the word "pornography" implies that the person shown has given consent, which children, by legal definition, cannot do. And we've also acknowledged that the child themselves can get into trouble for distributing the images.

I'd be interested to see any law that still uses the "child pornography" terminology, that is shocking!

I'd be shocked if any school let you deliver training where you use the words child pornography!

Your job tells you to use the words child pornography?

Sure it does.

I think you are all arguing semantics. But to roll with your argument substitute the term "indecent image" instead - that is the specific terminology in the act.
The DSD takes the images herself which to me is fairly self evident that she has given her consent. Therefore the DSD is "merrily producing indecent images which are illegal under the law as it currently exists". Work better for you?
Focus on the real issue - which is - is this girl at risk?
My answer - from considerable experience is YES.

A child cannot give consent.

Post reported.

A child cannot consent to taking her own photograph and posting it her own, inappropriate Instagram? WTF?

@CommanderDaisy please find a different job, your attitude towards these issues is astoundingly callous! that's assuming you're genuine

@wowwowwomen thank you.

All schools have a safeguarding officer. Report DSD first thing in the morning. Then ring her mum to let her know what you have done and ask for her to do the same. You are doing it with the best of intentions but expect a backlash from DSD!

A child cannot consent to taking her own photograph and posting it her own, inappropriate Instagram? WTF? Correct.

Sure, they can take inappropriate pictures themselves and post them online. They may be happy doing so. However, in the eyes of the law, they are too young to consent to sex and to such images being distributed. They can agree to it, but due to their age, they are incapable of giving informed consent.

www.saferinternet.org.uk

That site references "child sexual abuse imagery"!!! Talk about digging yourself into a hole!

Once you have all finished arguing the details of wording, the legitimacy of my employment and everything else you can think of , at the end of it all this child is posting indecent images regularly that can attract a penalty under the law and she is putting herself at risk.
A dubious individual is contacting her regularly in a way the OP rightfully is uncomfortable with.
She needs to seek help from the school or local police ( which are sometimes under-informed about this kind of thing), contact the online safety provider peak body in the UK who can investigate, advise and take steps. Both accounts should be reported to Instagram, her parents need to actively parent in this space and she needs to be looked out for.
That's my focus - not which words I choose to use.

I agree with your focus, but words do matter, and I find it worrying that a professional working in this field seems to think they don't. This girl is not "putting herself at risk", she is vulnerable to child sexual exploitation. Saying she puts herself at risk places the blame with her. This is extremely damaging - see how the victims were treated in Rochdale and Rotherham. You're undermining your credibility by refusing to follow best practice wrt language.

CommanderDaisy actually did have a valid point.

I think she was pointing out what could potentially happen. I have personally heard myself, police telling someone that they could be prosecuted for distributing child pornography, as they had sent an indecent photo of themselves when they were underage. It was worded exactly like that. What a way to promote young people coming forward in situations where they have been exploited and taken advantage of but sadly it is actually a possibility. They did say it was unlikely and would probably just be a caution but they had to make them aware it could happen.

Apols if already suggested upthread OP, but what about speaking to the NSPCC helpline for their advice? I think that’s what I’d do.