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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

When other family members call my DD ‘their girl’

124 replies

BethH94 · 25/02/2019 14:16

It might be extremely petty but I can’t help but get pissed off when other family members, on mine and DP’s side, call our DD ‘their girl’ 🤦🏻‍♀️ I really hate it, Can’t bring myself to actually tell people to stop it though!

Anyone else like this? Or AIBU?

OP posts:
PCohle · 25/02/2019 14:18

I agree that this is really petty.

Would you prefer that they acted like your DD wasn't part of their family? She isn't a doll that you alone own, she is a member of a family and a wider community.

twinkletoedelephant · 25/02/2019 14:20

My mum use to refer to dd as the family baby :) not so much the twins that came later

Dd is now nearly a teen, mum passed away 7 years ago, my sister still refers to dd as family baby, it makes her smile. She dosnt remember my mum but is very much aware of how much she was loved by her :)

MaryShelley1818 · 25/02/2019 14:21

Why does that not make you happy?? Surely you want her to be loved by family? My mam calls my DS “my baby” it’s sweet and I’m grateful she adores him so much.
You sound strangely possessive.

ZaraW · 25/02/2019 14:22

Seriously you are annoyed that family members are close to her. You are being incredibly unreasonable and petty.

MamaWeasel · 25/02/2019 14:23
Biscuit
BossAssBitch · 25/02/2019 14:23

no 'might' about it, you are being extremely petty and odd.

Thurmanmurman · 25/02/2019 14:25

YABU. Unless they are trying to take over parenting it’s just an affectionate term for your DD used by other family members who love her.

FleeceDetective · 25/02/2019 14:26

A child isn’t a possession, and people don’t mean it in that way when they talk about being ‘my girl’ they are talking about kinship and shared love, nothing to get annoyed by.

Merryoldgoat · 25/02/2019 14:26

My MIL calls my sons ‘[her] boys’ - I think it’s lovely.

She loves them and is an amazingly important figure in their lives.

I can’t imagine being pissed off aboir this.

LordPickle · 25/02/2019 14:28

I get it OP. My DM calls my DS "her baby" and for some reason it really grates on my nerves. "Kiss my baby for me" etc 😐

I don't like it at all but I know it's petty so I just try to ignore it.

AuntieCJ · 25/02/2019 14:29

You are being way oversensitive. Don't say anything for goodness sake, they'll think you're mad.

Sweetbabycheezits · 25/02/2019 14:29

Good grief...this seems really petty, OP! My family only see my DC once a year (we live abroad). My mother calls my ds "my sweet boy"...and he's a strapping 13 year old!! He grins every time...it's lovely.

Wolfiefan · 25/02/2019 14:29

Surely it’s a term of endearment?
PFB right?

dontknowwhattodo80 · 25/02/2019 14:32

I think as another poster said, as long as they're not trying to take over in the parent role then it's ok.

We were at an activity the other day with both DS's , DH and my parents. My eldest was taking part in the activity and the instructor approached us, shook DS's hand then turned to me and said is he yours, which I said yes and shook his hand. He immediately walked away with DS when my dad piped up " well he's all of ours" . The instructor gave him a really funny look! It didn't overly bother me, my parents can be abit over bearing when it comes to my children, but I know their hearts are in the right place. I did think it was an odd thing to say in that scenerio though!

AguerosAngel · 25/02/2019 14:33

DH’s family used to call DS “Our Baby”, we’re all Mancunian so pronounced “Are Baby”.

It made my teeth itch at the time but I let it go, he’s a teenager now so they call him by his name. Let it go OP, pick your battles!

Noneyerbuisness1234 · 25/02/2019 14:34

I call my nephew/godson my wee son he’s the first grandchild and baby I’m pregnant myself with a son and I’ll continue to call him that when ds is born as I always have and he smiles when I do my sil dosnt mind and they’ll prob do the same with mine

soontobefour4 · 25/02/2019 14:36

The only reason I can see anyone being annoyed by this is if there's a backstory. So, for example, I don't mind my MIL calling DS 'granny's boy' or 'my little boy' because she loves him to bits and will do anything for him. My mum calls him 'granny's little mate' in a tone that implies they have a unique and special relationship that only they have. The fact that she point blank refuses to visit us in our home, has cancelled on us at the last minute when she's offered to look after him for me to go to hospital appointments and refused to offer support when I was really struggling with him in the early stages has seemed to have slipped her mind. That's my issue though, not his, so I bite my tongue and try to let it wash over me.

Think you're being a bit precious OP, be grateful that she is obviously so adored that they all want a bit of her.

peachgreen · 25/02/2019 14:36

How old is she? My mum calls my daughter "my baby" and it used to drive me bonkers but as she's got older I've got over it. Though it still drives me nuts when she talks about keeping her / kidnapping her / how we're terrible parents so she's just going to have to come and take her away etc etc.

Original poster
BethH94 · 25/02/2019 14:36

Oh don’t get me wrong the love they all have for her is amazing and I’m so grateful for it! I honestly don’t know why it annoys me when they refer to her as their girl.

LordPickle I’m glad I’m not the only one!

I’m not about too cause a fallout with them because of this just wanted other opinions

OP posts:
TildaTurnip · 25/02/2019 14:38

Oh gosh reading this made me well up unexpectedly; my mum used to call mine her babies. I wish so much I could hear her say those words again.

It’s hard to know from your post if you’re being unreasonable as I can imagine it is how it is said that could make the difference but if meant in just in an affectionate, family tie way then I’d let it go.

Original poster
BethH94 · 25/02/2019 14:38

She’s 9 months, my first and only child.

OP posts:
Littlecaf · 25/02/2019 14:40

It’s a slightly old fashioned term of endearment, yes? Like saying “our kid”. I sort of know what you mean but I’d let it go. DD probably won’t ever notice.

SleepingStandingUp · 25/02/2019 14:47

See I think "our/my baby" is fine, because baby is a descriptive term but I'd find it weird if anyone other than DH and I called him our son I call my nephew/godson my wee son. Son is a descriptive title, it denotes relationship. If you were out somewhere and said oh this is my son Jack people would assume he you're his mother. You're not. I'm impressed you SIL is so chilled about it!

PengAly · 25/02/2019 14:50

OP you are being precious, petty and very unreasonable to feel that way. Its a lovely way of them to show their love and your daughter is part of their family too. Its nice. Of all the things wrong in the world today and this bothers you Confused

pigsDOfly · 25/02/2019 14:51

Just try to accept this in the spirit in which it's meant and be pleased and happy.

My late ex MIL never said anything like that about my DCs and the expression on my, then teen, DD's face when MIL told her that some girl none of us, other than MIL had ever met, was the sunshine in her (MIL's) life, broke my heart.