When other family members call my DD ‘their girl’

[BethH94]

It might be extremely petty but I can’t help but get pissed off when other family members, on mine and DP’s side, call our DD ‘their girl’ 🤦🏻‍♀️ I really hate it, Can’t bring myself to actually tell people to stop it though!

Anyone else like this? Or AIBU?

It is petty but I really hate it too.
I just bite my tongue.

My mum used to come through the door and call “Where’s my girl?” and dd used to come flying shouting “Here I am!!” It was lovely.

I'm guessing those that hate it are also of the "just OUR little family" camp? Maybe I'm just old fashioned but I really don't agree with those that feel parents and siblings stop being part of their family once they have a baby. The family just grows

I call the baby boy I nanny for “my boy” I don’t think he’s mine! I think he’s my little mate.

We had my grandson this weekend and I found myself calling him "Son". ie "You can't do that, son." He's not my son but I suppose it's a term of endearment. And at 9 months old it's not going to confuse him.

My French PIL will say regularly "my baby of mine" in French to my DS. It did used to annoy me especially as they were constantly asking to look after or hold DS. I know it was petty and I never said anything. My DS is so lucky to have grandparents like that.

OP I know exactly what you mean! It irritates me too. I tell myself that they don't mean anything by it, it's just a way of expressing love...but it really grates on me.

You know you're being unreasonable. Your daughter is lucky she has so many people who love her. Try not to let it bother you and remember a girl only gets one mother and nothing can take away from that bond.

I'm not being goady, promise! I'd just really be interested in what it is about this people hate? Its not like a child is an "item" you can own... If you know that they do this out of love than what is bothering you so much about it? I highly doubt any family member are pretending your child is theirs

Sleepingstandingup
It’s said in context when I call to their house or when they come to me and it’s directed to the child and only the child when I’m out with him I would never say it like that as clearly he’s not my son he’s my nephew and I would say this is my nephew —-it’s how close r family’s r and yes sil is fine with it I’m the only one who they let mind the child and we’re best friends

I bloody loved it when my relatives called me "our Trumponerous", gave a lovely sense of belonging.

My Mum texts me often and asks how "my boys" are doing (as in her boys, not mine). I don't mind it, in fact until this thread it hadn't occurred to me she meant it in an ownership kind of way. I know she adores the bones of them, though, and they think the sun shines from her backside, so I can't be miffed by it.

I totally get it , very petty but very annoying !

Mine is always my mother in law that I don't get on with , she always refers to her son and my son as her boys , I must of missed when she gave birth to my son 😂🤔

That would bug me too. I totally get it.

Imagine if you had no family around and it was just you and your daughter or worse still you could be part of a family who doesn't give a toss. I wouldn't mind ' their girl'.
I do understand being annoyed at the terms of endearment that suggest a special exclusive bond though. A grandparent of my children thinks she knows them better than us and that they understand them better than us. That's something to be peeved at!

My MIL used to text things like "so proud of OUR girls, theyre so good" whenever I text over good news/certificates etc. Or "we are so lucky to have our girls". I found it odd at first but got used to it. Its nice she feels so close to them.

So that alone would not (and has not) bothered me.....But If they were overstepping and calling themselves mum or not handing the baby back when I asked or going against my childcare / safety / food choices (like some MILs you read about) then thats a different matter.

“But If they were overstepping and calling themselves mum or not handing the baby back when I asked or going against my childcare / safety / food choices (like some MILs you read about) then thats a different matter.”

Well, yes. A completely different matter!

@BertrandRussell I wasnt sure if there was more of a backstory to it and we were going to be dripfed that they also take the child away from her etc.

PengAly I find it irritating because I feel that it undermines the role of the mother. 'Our name' doesn't bother me, but 'My name' does. Possibly connected with the people who I have experienced saying it.

Ok, I mean I do think these days parents are getting more possessive over their children, which is sad as the result seems to be growing distance between family members such as grandparents and siblings.

This again. Honestly, just be glad they love your baby. It comes across as really peevish, not a nice trait.

I get pissed off with this too!!! And with pet names! My mum text yesterday saying 'how is my little bomper' - number 1, he's MINE. number 2, he's 6 weeks old and weighs 8lb 14oz... hardly a 'bomper'

I know it was said as a pet name and not meant any other way but still fuming lol

What's the expression? "It takes a village to raise a child."

Be glad that your DD has other people in her life who love and care for her and will take pride in everything she does. One day she may make you a grandmother and I'm sure you will feel the same about your DGC.

It’s 100% your issue, I wonder if you would feel the same if it was your mum. You should look within to see why you feel this way.

I’ve just thought. When people complain about grandparents “pretending that they are the parents” is this what they mean sometimes? Calling their grandchildren “my girl”?