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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

When other family members call my DD ‘their girl’

124 replies

BethH94 · 25/02/2019 14:16

It might be extremely petty but I can’t help but get pissed off when other family members, on mine and DP’s side, call our DD ‘their girl’ 🤦🏻‍♀️ I really hate it, Can’t bring myself to actually tell people to stop it though!

Anyone else like this? Or AIBU?

OP posts:
Hazlenutpie · 25/02/2019 15:59

Your daughter is a very lucky girl. YABU.

JockTamsonsBairns · 25/02/2019 16:00

Honestly op, I would do anything to be in your situation. I have three DC's, and neither set of grandparents can muster even the slightest passing interest in them. It's incredibly sad. I've never had a single offer of help, no days out or sleepovers etc. The DC's are 20, 11 and 9 now, so the ship has sailed in terms of them developing any sort of relationship.

SleepingStandingUp · 25/02/2019 16:03

Noneyerbuisness1234 and ultimately that's the only thing that matters

timeisnotaline · 25/02/2019 16:05

I think it’s lovely in general. It would annoy me but my mil is a bit take the baby and don’t hand them back, while I’m quite I don’t feel the need to put the baby down, plus she’s very my children and my wonderful sons babies which can piss me off as I don’t like to feel like a uterus to produce her sons children. Generally she’s lovely so it’s a bit me and a bit her, but her saying that would make me feel he’s your grandchild, he’s my baby. You had your 5, let me have my turn.

Pinkblanket · 25/02/2019 16:06

I must admit I find the use of 'my' in this context irritating. So, for example fil saying 'where's my "child's name" ?' when he arrives at our house. She's not a possession or an object, nor does she belong exclusively to him. It seems the wrong word to use. I wouldn't ever mention it, but I don't have to like it.

PengAly · 25/02/2019 16:06

he's MINE

He isnt a possession you know Hmm suppose you wouldnt welcome any free childcare from your mother either then?

EyUpOurKid · 25/02/2019 16:07

Yabu.

I call my dais 'Our kid' she's nearly 30. My son is 'Our baby' or 'the baby' (he's two, he'll be the baby till he's 40 probably). My family all call him 'my boy/Our baby' . It's a term of endearment.

VelvetPineapple · 25/02/2019 16:08

Total strangers in the street call my DS “son”. It’s never occurred to me to mind.

Hillarious · 25/02/2019 16:13

Ha, ha - It’s a slightly old fashioned term of endearment, yes? Like saying “our kid”. My aunt calls my dad "our kid", and he's 82!

ssd · 25/02/2019 16:15

I think it's lovely your family call your baby my girl, it just sounds really affectionate

Hillarious · 25/02/2019 16:16

I must admit I find the use of 'my' in this context irritating. Golly, Pinkblanket - don't come round ours! Everyone in the family has a possessive pronoun - my mum, your mum, our Alan, our Alan's Joyce (for someone not a blood relative).

happydays00 · 25/02/2019 16:20

Urgh my MIL refers to my DD as "granny's girl", I find it incredibly annoying. But i just keep reminding myself it's a term of endearment and I would rather her be like that than aloof and dismissive of DD.

Pinkblanket · 25/02/2019 16:21

Our or your were what my family used growing up (so if discussing people you knew, to distinguish if one was a family member you would use our for example), I think that's why I find the use of 'my' jarring.

As I said though, it's not something I would ever mention.

LilQueenie · 25/02/2019 16:28

it depends . it used to really bother me when said by those who made no effort when given chance after chance to see dd. that and when they were overbearing and wanted DD for themselves.

Original poster
BethH94 · 25/02/2019 17:13

So glad a few of you agree with me, I do also understand everyone else’s opinions as well. I’ll just keep doing what I have been and smile and keep my mouth shut ☺️

OP posts:
Seline · 25/02/2019 17:19

I hate people doing this too YANBU.

Seline · 25/02/2019 17:24

As for why it's annoying. I carried the child and gave birth to them. No one else.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 25/02/2019 17:31

As for why it's annoying. I carried the child and gave birth to them. No one else

And how does that change anything? Are you insecure or something? Nobody actually means that it’s their girl Confused it’s just a term of affection. Saying that I wouldn’t use it, don’t want to offend anyone and all that.

BertrandRussell · 25/02/2019 17:44

People are so incredibly so possessive about their babies.

Children belong in families.

onlyoneoftheregimentinstep · 25/02/2019 17:44

I often call my DGC 'my precious girl' or 'my precious boy'. I don't mean that I think they're mine, but that they're precious to me. X

LL83 · 25/02/2019 17:45

I like it when grandparents are close. I call my niece and nephew mine too, they are very close to me.
Do you have nieces and nephews?

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 25/02/2019 17:46

I agree Bert. It’s a good thing. As long as it’s not some deranged MIL or DM doing it of course.

Firsttimemumofdd · 25/02/2019 18:00

To be honest the more opinions I’m reading the more I’m realising how petty it sounds🙈 my dd is the only grandchild on both our sides so I guess I should of expected all grandparents to be totally head over heals with her.

LL83 no I have no nieces or nephews

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 25/02/2019 18:05

Firsttimemumofdd are you the OP? Confused

Seline · 25/02/2019 19:24

Great because they aren't their children.