When other family members call my DD ‘their girl’

[BethH94]

It might be extremely petty but I can’t help but get pissed off when other family members, on mine and DP’s side, call our DD ‘their girl’ 🤦🏻‍♀️ I really hate it, Can’t bring myself to actually tell people to stop it though!

Anyone else like this? Or AIBU?

Do you think they don’t know that? They’re just being loving to a child in their family. Better than not caring don’t you think?

My MIL (who I adore btw) has called my DD ‘my lovely girl’ since the day she was born. She loves her so much. I think it’s brilliant. Actually my MIL sometimes calls me ‘my clever lass’ when I’ve done things too.

Sounds like a lovely relationship Maddie.

i used to be like this when my dd was little. My husband became ill in 2014 and now im pleased she has a wider family unit and has people interested and looking out for her.

You’re being weird OP. It’s quite sad really, you don’t like this relationship your family have with your dd.

I have read this a few times and I can't fathom what is annoying to you about it.

Absolutely bizarre!!

I wonder if it annoys those who don’t have a good relationship with their PILs?

Just checked with ds and he says he’s always loved it when his grandma calls him “Our Patrick”. He’s 18!

My parents sometimes accidentally refer to themselves and "mummy" or "daddy" when talking to my daughter 😂 doesn't bother me. Its just a slip of the tongue because they love her. It's no different to my mum accidentally calling me the dogs name (which also happens a lot 🙄)

It takes a village and all that.

VU in my eyes. It's just a loving turn of phrase.

I get this one. ExMIL always refers to my dds as ‘her’ girls and it really used to grate on me.

Truth be told it was symptomatic of the way she treated me- as inferior and nothing I did was right as it wasn’t ‘her’ way. Think organising a second christening celebration because mine wasn’t good enough, cutting their hair, dressing them in outfits because I’d sent them to hers and they were too scruffy 🙄 you get the idea.

Ended up snapping and told the cow that if she wanted to run a child’s life then she could feck off and have another one of her own because these babies cake out of me.

Do you have a good relationship? If you don’t- I get it. If you do, then it’s just a term of endearment and love.

Can see both sides of the argument.

*came

You're over thinking it. MIL has always called DD her special girl, my own DM calls DD her number 10 girl. She was the 10th girl born from my mother 3 daughter's, 7 granddaughters, my DD loves it and doesn't feel like a number.

You sound like hard work Tbh.

But family relationships can all be described in terms of possession e.g. my sister, my son, your cousin etc.

If you are happy that Mil can refer to your dd as my granddaughter why is it such a big deal for her to say my girl. I honestly honestly don't understand.

I get it OP. My mum introduces my daughter as 'here's my bubba!!' And I say 'Yes, that's me!' Drives me up the wall !

I always call my grandsons my, because they are mine, just in a different way. My youngest often gets called my little monkey by both me and his mum and she's fine a about it. In fact she loves the fact we're so close.

I call my dgs 'my favourite boy' and he loves it. No one has objected so far.

I say how's my girl all the time for my niece. Don't mean I'm keeping her.

My MIL always has to jump in if I refer to DS as "my baby" or similar and tell me that he's her baby too. I just laugh and correct her to grandbaby. I didn't at first but it started sounding rather possessive. She loves DS like her own but it's like she's reliving young parenthood. She has tried to do some of DSs 'firsts' but fortunately FIL and SIL are very aware of this and remind her to ask us. I do worry a bit about her MH as she does almost forget he isn't hers and it seems to shock her when someone points this out.

It's not petty. I find it annoying too. Especially when it's in laws. No it's my child and she is mine.

I would love to hear my Grampy call me "me maid" in a broad Cornish accent, just one more time. It's twenty five years since I lost him. I doubt if my parents were jealous of a pet name.

No it's my child and she is mine

To me that sounds so oddly defensive and possessive.

If anyone behaved in a way that was overstepping the mark or undermining my parenting I would deal with that. But simply objecting to family using the word my is strange.

We view our nieces and nephews as our extra children so they are our girls/boys. and likewise. We want them to be brought up to know we are all one big family and this reinforces this.