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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To go to a wedding with DD covered in chicken pox even though they are not contagious anymore?

49 replies

VoluptuaGoodshag · 06/07/2007 10:10

DH & I at loggerheads at the mo. We have been told by the groom's mother that we are more than welcome and that no-one will mind even if she was contagious. DH feels uncomfortable about it in case other people don't want a spotty kid running around.

If she was contagious I wouldn't take her but as she won't be I don't see the problem.

OP posts:

Original poster

VoluptuaGoodshag · 06/07/2007 11:09

Ah if only it were that simple. All my family will be there and there are no babysitters available. No, wait, in fact DH's sister offered to babysit but he declined her offer. So he clearly doesn't want to go to the wedding and will use DD's chickenpox as an excuse not to.

We've already had a big fight about it this morning. If only she didn't have it or her spots had all but disappeared then he'd have no excuse but although he denies it I know he can't be bothered going. That's what is annoying me so much and perhaps clouding my judgement hence the reason I'm on here for advice and opinions

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yaddayah · 06/07/2007 11:12

i've never heard of the 5 day thing before (our nursery won't take chicken pox children until the last scab has fallen off .. meaning last year ds was off for 3 weeks !)

jellycat · 06/07/2007 11:15

That NHS direct link says it is still infectious up to 5-7 days after the first scab appears, not after the first spot appears. So I would think there is a chance she is still infectious.

I had CP 3 years ago and was told at the time there was still a chance of passing it on up to 7 days after the last spot was scabbed over (although I don't know where my GP got this information).

I wouldn't take her.

StarryStarryNight · 06/07/2007 11:18

Are ALL spots scabbed over, when did the last NEW scab appear?

The guidelines at my sons nursery says they can come back to the nursery 14 days after the first spot appeared, as that is when they are no longer contageous.

dal21 · 06/07/2007 11:19

VDS - great name btw! sorry to hear this has cuased an argument. Sounds as though he is happy to stay at home with DC. Do you not want to go on your own? Sounds as though you will have a nice time - you will have your family there to keep you company? Not quite the same I know - hope this doesnt ruin the day for you!

StarryStarryNight · 06/07/2007 11:20

Sorry volupta, just read your last post. If HE doesnt want to go to the wedding, why dont you just let him stay with DD and you go enjoy the wedding?

redtoenails · 06/07/2007 11:23

I wouldn't take her, I agree with your dh.

NotQuiteCockney · 06/07/2007 11:25

According to the HPA, "transmission has never been reported beyond the fifth day of the rash".

I see there's more going on here, though - why not go to the wedding on your own?

Original poster

VoluptuaGoodshag · 06/07/2007 11:55

I will be going regardless with DS. It just pisses me off that I am married to someone who clearly can't be arsed pleasing others sometimes. He gets on perfectly well with my family althought he does find them boring. That aside, they have never done anything to annoy or upset us unlike his family with us.

I am also pissed off that I will not be there with my whole family - my DH and our kids. There have been several get togethers by my family (who are scattered hither and yon) in the last few years that for one reason or another we've not all been able to make it. Now it's happened again and with my Dad in his 80s, well, I'm just getting morose now

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LIZS · 06/07/2007 14:15

has ds had it ? He could well be incubating the virus as it can take as little as 10 days or as long as 3 weeks from contact to come out (presumably he was with dd in the couple of infectious days before her spots appeared ). Sorry to throw another spanner in

Wheelybug · 06/07/2007 14:19

I was told by a doctor (and a new one at that so hopefully knew up to date stuff) that it was when the spots had scabbed regardless of how many days - this was when I took dd on day NINE when she hadn't had a particularly bad case but still had one that hadn't scabbed - that one took almost two weeks to scab.

amen · 06/07/2007 14:24

it's annoying alright but without proper medical advice from a gp/doctor i wouldn't risk it.

BettySpaghetti · 06/07/2007 14:29

I was going to say what LIZS said -it could be your DS thats more of a risk with regards to passing it on.

Original poster

VoluptuaGoodshag · 06/07/2007 14:46

Oh goodie

WEll on the plus side if I just go myself I'll have a darn good knees up, get plastered and have a lie in

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bookwormmum · 06/07/2007 15:02

I wouldnt't take her personally. I don't know how old your dd is but I kept my little girl off school last year for a week after she'd had chicken pox since she still had some spots on her forehead. I didn't want the children making fun of her or run the gauntlet of questions about was she contagious. Do you really want pics of her covered in spots on people's walls? .

mm22bys · 06/07/2007 16:20

Voluptua, it sounds like you want to go, but your DH doesn't.

If you can't / don't want to get another babysitter, why don't you go to the wedding, and your DH "babysit" your DD?

Everyone wins then...

GreebosWhiskers · 06/07/2007 16:29

Can you get DH to babysit DD & DS so you can go & enjoy yourself? If your DH doesn't want to go the least he can do is let you go.

Original poster

VoluptuaGoodshag · 06/07/2007 16:35

He is fine about me going either alone or with DS and happy to stay and look after DD so that's not a problem. I just have afeeling that he doesn't want to go regardless. e.g. We are supposed to be staying at the hotel where the reception is tonight and tomorrow. I said I'd call the hotel later regarding any plan changes but before I'd even got breakfast over and dressed, he'd called them from his work to say that he'd done it, almost like he was desparate to get in first

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amen · 06/07/2007 16:41

i reckon it's one you'll have to back down on. even if he is doing it purely because he does not want to go anyway, he has a water-tight excuse that he is doing it because your daughter is ill.no real arguing with it.

GreebosWhiskers · 06/07/2007 16:46

FWIW my DH doesn't do family occasions either whether it's my side or his. It's just the way he is & I'd rather go on my own as I know I wouldn't enjoy myself if he came along with a face on him anyway.

floopowder · 06/08/2007 23:53

yes

babygrand · 06/08/2007 23:56

For most occasions I would say, what the hell, she probably isn't contagious. But it is a wedding and you don't want to take the focus away from the bride and groom!!

LaBoheme · 07/08/2007 16:10

I would never - your DD will not be on great form and to be brutally honest I would have to leave a wedding if I were PG/low immunity and I saw a child with spots present.

bookwormtailmum · 07/08/2007 16:25

I think the wedding is probably over now as the thread is a month old .

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