SISTER FIGHTING FOR MONEY AIBU

[Deni88]

In November we lost our Mother whom i loved dearly.
I have 3 children under 10 that I'm also trying to console. I have 2 siblings.

My mother left me in charge of her all her finances. My elder sister was not trusted by my mother for various and neither was my brother. My mother knew me to be a completely honest and fair daughter. I am honoured that my mother trusted me so much.

She left a few thousand pounds in my care. I had told both my brother and sister that once all the bills and various outgoings were complete I would equally divide up the money.
My brother had no issues with this and agreed this was the right thing. My sister's attitude towards me gradually changed. She became cold and hostile, freezing me out and her boyfriend became very rude to both my husband and I

She then demanded money from me for "clothes for the funeral to look sharp". It went from that to a visit from her on my son's birthday when she started swearing and slapped me across my face demanding that I split the money immediately. It was very upsetting. It's gone all quite Jeremy Kyle and I'm completely shocked at her behaviour.
I'm fustrated with my brother as he is sitting on the fence not wanting to get involved and his girlfriend is siding with my sister.
There are still pending items that are due to come out of the cash. I am still grieving my mum and feel close to break down over this disgusting mess. I paid some money into my sister's account to quiet her down, but her boyfriend recently threatened my husband for all money immediately.
I could never believe that she could behave like this over money, when we are suffering a huge loss. AIBU, did I do the right thing??? AIBU to want to cut her off for ever, because right now I feel I no longer want her in my life.
Sorry for the long rant, it's been a really dreadful time.

Told them both pound by pound what has been spent.
@JustTwoMoreSecs I will be emailing the paper trail of expenses so far.

I would assume that OP requested a ‘grant of letters of administration' and is just getting on with it!

Sounds like there will just be enough to cover everything relating to the estate then possibly enough to have a tiny amount each at the end.

Does she realise this?

To be honest it doesn't matter if she does her behaviour is disgusting!

If she touches or threatens you or if he threatens you or your dh again go to the police immediately, it's likely that they wouldn't necessarily brings charges initially but it may probably be enough to curb their behaviour because they know once the police are involved further instances after they have intervened will be taken seriously.

I'm really sorry about you mum.

I lost my dad a few years ago and my brother was a bit of a twat (not violent) following (like you I was In Charge of his tiny estate with no will) it made everything so so much harder and it really screwed up how I grieved for him. so I'm sorry you now also know what that is like

Good plan OP. Also email them the bills that have yet to be settled.

Did your mum just verbally tell you to take charge or is there something in writing?

Your sis maybe is just miffed you’re being a bit slow about finalising things?

But final bills and funeral balance are easy to pay. My mum’s funeral was settled in full the week after.

Just tie it up and get it out of your life.

Your sister is behaving disgracefully, no question at all. But you should get this resolved for all your sakes.

Doesn’t excuse violence of course!

Rtft ffs. Not everyone leaves a house and gazillions of pounds. If you have a very small amount the bank just gives it to nok.
Clearing the house maybe rented. So not much left after funeral costs.
Op people show distress in strange ways. Keep your distance and try to sort it out asap. Hope your DSS will recover herself in time.

Utility bills can take ages to sort, also council tax.

It sounds like she is being hostile hoping it will push you to give her a share of the money before it is all spent of bills and funeral expenses.

OP, please listen to posters telling you that his all has to be done legally.

You can’t just take control when someone dies intestate. It doesn’t matter what you say your Mum said about what she wanted if nothing is in writing.

Giving them a list of expenses isn’t enough - your siblings are next of kin, equal to you, and have an equal say in what happens to the money, regardless of how much or how little it is.

Just make sure you have the authority legally to sort this and that you itemise everything you pay out for etc. When my fil died and my sil sorted most things she itemised everything and kept receipts even if it was just paying out for stamps to post documents etc. Then the others could see exactly what had bene paid out for and what was left. She was very meticulous with this even though there were no squabbles between the siblings.The remaining money was divided to the penny .

Firstly, your sister had no right to assault you - that was despicable behaviour.
However, if your mother did not have a will and therefore you weren't made executor, perhaps your sister believes you have taken it upon yourself to distribute the money and feels put out. I would check where you stand legally, as this sounds like it should go to probate, but I am no expert on the law. Maybe someone with a bit of Law knowledge will come on here and give you some sound advice.

If teh estate is small there isn't anything that has to be applied for legally... but OP may be wise to get the letter of administration

www.co-oplegalservices.co.uk/media-centre/articles-jan-apr-2018/how-to-get-a-letter-of-administration/

Surely the final bills for "a balance on the funeral and the houseclearance final gas and electric bills" would have been paid by now - 3 months later - if the cash was there. I am not understanding the delay either.

From the Coop

You might not require a Letter of Administration if the value of the Estate is small. For example some banks allow for accounts to be closed without a Letter of Administration if they do not contain a lot of money. Each bank sets its own limits in regards to this so if you need to close a bank account you should check directly with the bank if they will require a Letter of Administration.

It's not clear why you are taking so long to sort pay for a few simple things so I can understand her frustration with you. However it's totally unacceptable to assault or threaten you and as others have said I would report them to the police.

I was the executor of my Mum's will and she died in October but it took ages to sort out all of her finances as she had bits of money in 5 bank accounts, shares and premium bonds. Then I had to pay all funeral costs, utility bills and house could not go until all cleared out which took simply ages, so many weekends. My four sisters helped me and understood until all expenses had been paid and all money summed up we did not know the exact sum to split. Make your sister wait and do it properly and to the letter. Pay all expenses first, collect all money due then split into 3. If you have headstone you can't place it until several months later but get quote. If you are finding it hard I found software to lead me through the process which was really helpful. They give letters you just need to add names to and slot in date. So sorry for your loss. Your sister is being a CF.

Sorry for your loss

You're sister assaulted you for a small amount of money 😮

Did your mother ever tell your siblings of her wishes?

Surely the final bills for "a balance on the funeral and the houseclearance final gas and electric bills" would have been paid by now - 3 months later - if the cash was there. I am not understanding the delay either. I'm assuming you haven't sorted out a deceased's estate.

The usual time is about a year. It cannot be much quicker than 6 months because of any tax implications, for the deceased. HMRC aren't always that quick to send a final balance!

It took me over 7 1/2 months as it took so long for house to be cleared before it could be sold but my sisters helped me.

What's left to pay OP?

Without a will, are you sure this is even legal? I’ve recently been back and forth to my parents solicitors as they’ve just made my sister and I power of attorney, the solicitor told me everything has to go to probate if there is no will. I would get legal advice ASAP if I were you.

My brother and my Dad established a joint account before he died, so bro could deal with all the expenses to do with funeral and house etc. The balance came to us equally.

It really is worth doing this s it saves lots of complications when someone dies.

We lost a family member a year ago and things took quite a while to tie up. She also left no will but luckily everyone got a long and there was nothing horrible like what you are going through. By the time house was cleared and stuff sent to auction plus her savings it didn’t even cover the funeral, and that was basic. So I would hold off giving anymore money to her until you know everything is covered. I would contact the police about the assault, that’s really unacceptable. Money makes people do terrible things.

Very sorry for your loss

Sounds like she has money issues and needs cash urgently. Email and explain you will finalise as soon as possible and definitely keep a paper trail to the penny. I would also get legal advice. I rather suspect when she realises it's only a few hundred pounds coming her way if that, she will make trouble.